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Pluggers, 10/7/17

My first thought on reading this was basically “An app? For yard sales? What does this even mean?” I thought it was a variation on “pluggers don’t need GPS” or something like that. But then I did a little research (i.e., 30 seconds of Googling) and guess what? There are tons of yard sale apps out there, which show you all the sales in your area so you don’t have to drive around looking for signs taped to utility poles like a chump. And really, why wouldn’t you use them? What the hell is wrong with pluggers that they don’t? Do they not like being able to easily find the things they’re looking for? What I’m trying to say is, I didn’t go into today’s Pluggers expecting to emerge with my feelings of smug superiority over its downwardly mobile beast-people characters reaffirmed, but I’m not complaining that that’s how it all worked out!

Mary Worth, 10/7/17

“Hey, ma, have you considered Vicodin? Sure, it’ll numb you physically — but what you may not realize is that it’ll numb you emotionally as well!”

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LOS ANGELES PEOPLE! Come to The Clubhouse in Los Feliz tonight to enjoy the live comedy show I produce and perform in, The Internet Read Aloud! You will in no way regret it! Here’s the Facebook event.

ALL PEOPLE EVERYWHERE! Please enjoy your comment of the week!

“Once a plugger forms a mental image of Miss Kitty nude, nothing else will satisfy his carnal needs.” –Left Nut

Please also enjoy your hilarious runners up!

“I call bullshit. No way does that family have books that thick.” –Ruth McIlhenny, on Facebook

“Yeah, I don’t blame you for not wanting to go back to your house. It’s a dump compared this palace I’ve got here. We have horses, Rand, actual goddamned horses. What’ve you got? A CRT television and a pile of decapitated teddy bears? Sad. Anyway, you were saying something about your … wife, I think it was? Continue.” –Joe Blevins

“Actually, if Wilbur’s finding love in Colombia, then I can only hope this means he’s wandered into one of Gabriel García Márquez’s magical realist masterpieces. Fingers crossed he either indulges in a series of surreal and deeply taboo sexual trysts that metaphorically symbolize neo-colonialism in South America, or gets cholera.” –Schroduck

“Iris reminds me of what it was like to be young and in love, when I was so nervous about calling my special someone on the phone that I, too, would bite chunks out of a cylinder of frozen concentrated orange juice to calm myself.” –DaveInPgh

Today’s strip would actually be funny if it turned out it’s taking place when Marvin is, say, 15.” –BigTed

“Thank goodness they skipped all the boring stuff where Wilbur went to an exotic foreign location, met a fascinating person, and fell in love with her. All we want to see is him breaking the news to Iris over Skype.” –Peanut Gallery

“You’re right, I’m deteriorating quickly! Good thing I brought an army of goons. It will ease my passing to watch them tear your limbs off and consume them in front of you as you lay screaming. ” –Hogen the Mogen

“I think writing the promotional banner in Lisa’s own blood (which Les keeps in a jar on his mantel) is a little over the top.” –Tom the Sailor Man

“So, anyway, this is the first yard work Leroy’s done in months, so the threesome’s going to have to wait.” –RogerBW

“Good ol’ South Nakota U.” –Theresa C., on Twitter

‘Did you wash your hands before dinner, Ditto?’ ‘Yes, and I can prove it. [Empties white bag full of severed hands on the dinner table.] See, mother! See how all my hands glisten as if covered in the morning dew? I spent hours washing them, cleaning gently under the fingernails, just so you could see how clean my hands are! At least, those hands. These hands, these accursed hands at the ends of my arms, are so soiled with brutality that they’ll never come clean. [Scene from Quentin Tarantino’s MacDitto]’” –Voshkod

“The bald guy is taking this whole thing pretty hard. I think we are actually seeing a superhero origin story unfold. Soon, he will become ‘The Authenticator’ and dedicate his life to stopping counterfeiters. By ‘soon,’ I mean August 2019.” –Drew Funk

‘What sort of person would try to cheat folks by selling forgeries, anyhow?’ Oh, oh, I know this one! The answer’s ‘forgers’, right? Pick me, teacher, pick me!” –Just John

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/6/17

Ugh, so, I guess this is really happening: Rex Morgan, M.D., is going to do a Very Important Storyline about America’s forgotten criminals: people who sell knockoffs of artwork by classic comics artists online. It’s not just nerds who want framed panels of The Flash from 1973 or whatever who are the victims, of course: think of the elderly comics creators trying to squeeze a few last dollars out of their creations, since their original contacts with their publishers left them sorely undercompensated. And think of the anxious nerds who agreed to serve as the middlemen in these online auctions! What about them? Why, did you know that even if these art-forging scumbags are caught, the chances that they’ll be shipped off to Gitmo are slim to none? Thank God Rex Morgan, M.D., is here to raise awareness, just like it raised awareness of MRSA back in ’08, and now there’s no more MRSA.

Pluggers, 10/6/17

Yes, obviously the joke of this strip is “Ha ha, it’s funny because they’ve lived together for so long that they’re finely attuned to even the subtlest expressions of contempt for one another.” But wouldn’t it be funny if it’s just about how Kangaroo Plugger-Lady Who The Colorists Think Is A Rabbit had incredibly powerful hearing, what with those big ears of hers? Like what if she could hear, from three feet away, the vaguely moist scrabbling noise that an eyeball makes when it’s moving in its socket. She could hear so much, if that were the case. She could hear everything.