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Dustin, 4/27/25

You might recall last week when Dustin was, if not concerned about his parents’ increasingly obvious marital dysfunction and mutual antipathy, then at least kind of satisfied to see it. But Meg? Meg’s younger, and she no doubt has even fewer memories of her parents ever having been happy. This is just the background radiation of her life, and if she has a choice between listening to her father mutter about the long list of resentments her mother clings to or looking at literally anything on her phone, well, that’s not really a very hard decision for her.

Mary Worth, 4/27/25

I’m sorry, I object to this. One thing that I am very certain about is that, culturally speaking, Dawn is an utter philistine. Dawn has not seen Psycho enough times for it to worm its way into her subconscious. Dawn has never watched a black and white movie, or really anything longer than one of your middle-length TikToks. This scene should really be overlaid with the text “POV: Your father’s new girlfriend tries to unalive you with a kn*fe” and somehow take place in the front seat of a car.

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Dennis the Menace, 4/26/25

Obviously my “is this menacing or not” bit is done mostly in jest, but I genuinely think this is menacing behavior. Making unbroken, angry eye contact with his mother as he lets milk overflow the glass all over the table, while nonsensically blaming her and her glass-acquisition choices for the whole situation? Really unsettling stuff, I would be quietly calling a child psychologist in this scenario.

Shoe, 4/26/25

Normally I don’t have a lot of patience for “kids and their damn phones” jokes like these, especially given that the behavior in question is so omnipresent among people of all ages that there’s an industry term for it. But I do have to say that if Skyler isn’t going to be fully engaged during his TV-watching experience, he shouldn’t be making use of the living room’s only chair.

Crankshaft, 4/26/25

You might recall that Funky Winkerbean’s beloved (?) Mopey Pete ended up in a relationship with Crankshaft’s granddaughter, which meant he successfully escaped the collapse of the Funky Winkerbean dimension and has survived in its formerly ancillary Crankshaft zone, which has survived as its own space-time continuum in the aftermath. Anyway, we’ve finally learned what can briefly make him slightly less mopey: the prospect of interrupting his in-laws while they fool around in their car.

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…of the WEEK, here it is, y’all

“If that tire trick actually works, which is doubtful, maybe Slylock should use it to liberate the chest full of gold doubloons and assorted treasures from the sunken pirate ship that’s just sitting there a few yards away, instead of bothering with the hundred bucks or so worth of quarters that a now-drowned criminal (RIP) swiped from the local arcade. Ah, well, no one ever claimed he was the world’s greatest detective. Oh, he did? I don’t know what to tell you, then.” –BigTed

And here’s the RUNNERS UP, very funny!

“From his expression, it looks like Dagwood is celebrating the coincidence of Easter with 4/20 this year.” –Logar the Librarian

“Slylock first tied his special Scuba Cape around Max and the sack, then he cleverly pulled the cord on Max’s emergency ascent vest causing him to shoot to the surface with the treasure, this action requiring an emergency visit to the Forest Decompression Chamber. Max did not survive but the Forest Penny Collection tripled in size that day.” –Mikey

“Look at my hands! There’s a normal number of fingers! We are not AI, someone put effort into drawing us! But why?!” –Ettorre

“College may be expensive, but I don’t know why the Flagstons are worried. Their smartest child is a baby that thinks a square of sunlight is her friend. Buy that hot sports car, you won’t regret it.” –Schroduck

“Teachers don’t really wear little name tags like that, do they? The school brought in a rep from a travel agency, didn’t they? I smell kickback!” –Pozzo

“A map of Italy that excludes Milan, Venice, Sicily and Sardinia: pretty menacing. Standing up so fast that your chair flies off-panel: also menacing.” –Guts Dozier

“I wouldn’t have thought it possible to make a complaint as valid as ‘you made me witness a murder’ sound whiny and entitled, but here we are.” –Lauralot

“‘Darling, I know you face whatever may come, that’s your way’ is the most stilted compliment on a partner’s oral sex skills I’ve ever read.” –nescio

“Abbey knows how to get through unpleasant conversations: beige wine and plenty of it.” –Joe Blevins

“George has already prepared for playing chess against Henry by making sure he took a double dose of Vicodin. It’s a winning strategy, except when it involves actually playing chess.” –Needless Exposition

“Budget cuts mean the Thorps can only afford an 8-point SLAM for their door.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“DAWN: ‘You’re a good friend, Cathy. Thanks for that.’ CATHY: ‘I actually have a lot going on in my life too. Yesterday–‘ [dial tone]” –Dan

“Does lying down and having a CBD gummy count as doing yoga? It does if you have cancer! Wait, that’s the joke, isn’t it, the lady has end-stage ovarian cancer and this is all she can do to manage the nausea caused by her medications?” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“Uh oh, Dawn: are you taking advice from someone who is not the titular character of this strip? I hope that’s a burner phone.” –pugfuggly

“‘You’re a terrific person!’ declares Dawn’s best/only friend, proving that she doesn’t know Dawn that well at all.” –TheDiva

“Two years later, Summer and Augie get a bill from the impound yard when the cops release the truck as evidence. ‘That’ll be $11,000.00, please.’” –Hibbleton

“The creative staff at Red Morgan, M.D. worked too hard learning to draw a Ford F150 extended cab to just throw away those acquired skills.” –Philip

“If you have to offer incentives to get people to stay during your murder confession, it is way too long and rambled, sir.” –Quiggle

“The Perfesser’s ‘Fitbit’ is the bit he does where he dramatically clicks his tongue and shakes his head solemnly while adding a mark to the office whiteboard every time Shoe has a fit, and it’s directly responsible for two of today’s five.” –BananaSam

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