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Mary Worth, 6/8/25

Many of our most beloved deranged Mary Worth storylines end abruptly, with antagonists just straight up driving off a cliff or whatever, but I’m sorry, there is a lot to take in just in this single strip. The bell by which the Westons were saved was rung by … Belle’s brother? Who has tracked her down somehow because he suspects she’s off her meds, probably because she failed to check in with him? And also (and sorry, but this is much more important), he’s literally just a taller version of Wilbur? Like she spotted Wilbur across a TGIFridays in Tampa and thought, “Oh my goodness, he looks just like my beloved brother … but more squooshed! I’m gonna FUCK HIS BRAINS OUT AND MURDER ANYONE OR ANYTHING WHO COMPETES WITH HIM FOR MY ATTENTION!” Because that’s wild, possibly the wildest proposition this strip has ever asked me to buy in the 20+ years I’ve been reading it. And it’s clearly not the first time something like this has happened! “I’m sorry about this, shorter me!” Avery says. “I hope I came in time … there are no visible corpses, so I’m assuming I did, but sincere apologies if not!”

Mother Goose and Grimm, 6/8/25

The joke here is whatever, but I want to point out that it’s weird that Grimm is in the corner there watching this breakup go down. It’s a long-established aspect of this strip that it alternates between jokes involving the well-established cast of characters and sub-Far Side one-off gags. Feels like some new executive in charge of the syndicate sent down a note like “In order to reinforce Mother Goose and Grimm’s brand identity and lay the groundwork for future merchandising initiatives, every strip needs to feature one of the two beloved title characters, who casual readers definitely know by name and can identify.”

Panel from The Lockhorns, 6/8/25

Funniest thing here is that this is, I assume, their own house. Not sure if Leroy is very drunk or very sleepy — or, more cruel and therefore more likely, if he’s doing a bit and Loretta refuses to even give him the satisfaction of acknowledging that he’s doing a bit.

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Hi and Lois, 6/7/25

Years ago, I was doing some PT for a few weeks, and at one of my sessions there was an older guy there who was rehabbing a knee injury, and his therapist was (gently) berating him because he kept going back and playing in his softball league despite the fact that she hadn’t cleared him for it. He was agreeing with her in a kind of hangdog way — he knew it was bad for his knee, but it seemed clear to me that his softball team was a big part of his social circle and missing games meant missing an important part of his life. I felt bad for him at the time, though I might need to revise that now that I know that a big part of senior sports is getting together and pissing in groups.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/7/25

Oh, man, remember the shitty motel where Truck had to isolate for days due to a viral respiratory infection in the spring of 2020 that somehow turned out to not be COVID? And then he wrote a song about it that went (the good kind of) viral? Well, it turns out his bastard maybe-son is staying there now, and there’s no way he doesn’t know that whole backstory, so now I’m assuming he’s documenting this entire journey-to-find-his-father for TikTok clout.

Mother Goose and Grimm, 6/7/25

You ever think about the fact that, before he became a real boy, Pinocchio’s flesh was all wood? You ever think about how creatures that eat or peck or chew on wood would do a real number on Pinocchio, if he encountered them? You ever think about how Pinocchio wasn’t technically in the Wizard of Oz, but we could put him there, through the magic of cartooning?

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Let’s roll into summer with the comment … of the week!

“I assume this is the same hardware store where Hi buys his hair fixatives.” –Joe Blevins

And the very funny runners up!

“God uses Excel to handle reams of complex data? That tracks. Strong Boomer energy. But what I want to know is what version of Excel he’s using. Are macros enabled? (Of course they are. Boomer energy.) With the right information, we can commit specific sins to serve as a data injection attack, wiping out God’s ledger and redeeming all our past transgressions.” –Nevin, on Patreon

“If you’re going to have an existential crisis, I suppose it’s better to do it while spending the day riding horses at your gorgeous family ranch, and not, say, while waiting tables, or digging ditches, or coding backgrounds for an addictive phone game while counting the hours until AI takes your job. Oh, wait, they had to bring the horses from the next ranch over? Never mind, their lives suck too!” –BigTed

“With no prior knowledge of this strip, I can only assume it takes place in some dystopian future where the entire concept of fictional entertainment is an obscure novelty, and where any form of verbal dissent is harshly punished. Hearing his friend use the word ‘unneat’ is enough to make Skip perspire in terror.” –Guts Dozier

“What Wilbur and Dawn don’t know is that Mary has been feeding them small doses of poison in her muffins and beige squares for years, in order to build up their immunity. It was to prevent them from committing suicide caused by her meddling (which is why she had to flee to Santa Royale to begin with). This is, of course, something she learned from watching The Princess Bride, another classic film neither Wilbur nor Dawn have ever watched.” –Philip

“This a nice change of pace from ‘Andy is a alcoholic’ to ‘Andy is clinically depressed.’” –Ettorre

“We did it! We caught the ball, even in the face of increasing Dutch angles!” –pugfuggly

“I like the guy with the black hair in the white button-down shirt. Everyone else is celebrating but he’s just mildly pleased, as if he’s the only one who remembers that this is just the end of another mediocre Milford soccer season and there’s no point getting all worked up about it.” –TheDiva

“How long do you think the writer spent reading Wikipedia articles about fish genitalia with increasing horror before settling on ‘suck fin?’” –Schroduck

“I actually did not know there was another Avatar movie coming out this year and I can’t imagine a worse way I could have learnt about it than this.” –Veronica

“Dennis takes his hand off the switchblade in his back pocket. This middle-aged fool just gave him the perfect opening for some finely crafted verbal menacing. ‘A bachelor,’ he exclaims. Checkmate.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“The Sideburns of Near-Fame have been passed to an heir! All hail the new King of shaggy mediocrity!” –Wilktoast

“The Mormon missionaries at the door don’t know what’s coming. I hope they’re prayed up and ready to confront the demoness inside.” –Daisy

“MELP MELP cries Sweetie. MUSTACHE HELP, GET MUSTACHE HELP. Sadly, like most therapy dogs, her advice will go unheeded.” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“I love the way Belle is staring right at that onomatopoeia box so it makes it look like she’s cursing directly at it. ‘MELP MELP’ is better, but the artwork gives ‘DING DONG’ the edge in today’s onomatopoeia wars.” –Astroboy

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