“Who needs real friends when you got these critters, all of whom are ready to pounce on your soul and swallow it? That’s how it works, isn’t it? I don’t get technology. [applies Liquid Paper to tablet]” –made of wince
“‘We’ve found a girl!’ ‘Over here! I’ve found another girl!’ ‘And here’s a third one! And… oh never mind, they’re all parts of the same girl.'” –seismic-2
“That shotgun isn’t for home defense. It’s likely the Triple J wakes up every morning and presses the barrel of the shotgun against his forehead and thumbs the trigger guard while grimly reciting his reasons for staying alive. Once his faith in that day is restored, he dresses and goes to the office.” –Johnny Knuckles
“I wonder if Slylock’s ‘adventures’ (for lack of a better term) are a form of propaganda for the Glorious Animal Regime? By spending all his time solving minor cases of vandalism and fraud with basic logical thinking, he’s demonstrating how the GAR is so free of crime and vice that the highly efficient police force devotes all their time to these minor problems. I’ll bet Count Weirdly is a fictional construct designed to focus anti-human sentiment, like Emmanuel Goldstein.” –TheDiva
“I get the sense that basically this pilot would rather have stayed home in bed all day, and he wishes Mark had never come into his life at all. Why can’t everyone just stay put and mind their own business? Why would any species want to invade anything? It’s just too exhausting.” –made of wince
“The island has been stable for years. We’ll be in and out in a day. The chance of this thing blowing on the one particular day that we’re here is practically none. Practically none… Did I mention that I once got into a cave just in time for an earthquake? Yup, it destroyed an array of crystals that had been growing there for a dozen millennia at least, and then rrrrummmble and it was trashed. Well, put this bird down close to the volcano’s mouth. I’m certain that’s where the fire ants must be swarming.” –hogenmogen
“I spent a while trying to figure out the difference between Predator and Predinator. This is as far as I got: a Predator is a vicious alien trophy hunter feared throughout the galaxy, and a Predinator is something that likes humping school buses.” –Schroduck
“‘The island has been quiet for several years now but has had minor eruptions in the past? So it’s kind of like my sex life!’ is something Mark Trail could say if he had a sex life or indeed any concept of human sexual relations.” –Steve S
“‘Aren’t there any wars to cover?’ says an American reporter in 2016. ‘If not, I just woke up from a sixteen-year coma, maybe that’s worth covering?'” –Dan
“The ploy will work, with Junior’s 98F temperature reading being taken for Marvin’s. Sadly, a dog’s average temperature is 102.5F, meaning that Junior only has days to live. Depending on your definition of ‘sadly.'” –Artist formerly known as Ben
“What does it benefit Tina if she manages to avoid those boring ‘sports and weather’ questions, but has to field twice as many ‘What the fuck is your problem?’ questions?” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women
“One month later Tina had to get a tattoo on her chin that said, ‘And please talk about something other than my forehead tattoo.’ This led to the addition of ‘I know what you’re going to say’ on her right cheek followed by ‘Don’t even try to surprise me’ on her left cheek, then ‘I never imagined the consequences’ in bold Gothic font around her neck. Eventually Tina’s habit of collecting things people said to her and having those tattooed all over her body it led to the reality show, How’s The Weather?” –Spunky The Wonder Squid
“We’re basically filming a commercial! Sure, it’s for a product that won’t be seen for months from a company that barely exists yet, but when those things finally go on sale, people will think, ‘Say, aren’t these from the factory that rejected my grandma after she stood in line all day in hopes of getting a minimum-wage job? Sure, I saw it on the 5:30 Action News Team Report! Well, whatever it is they’re selling, I’m buying one!’” –BigTed
“I want to see these two reporters sent to cover the war in Syria. ‘Sure are a lot of people lined up for food aid here.’ ‘People will line up for any food. I doubt half of them even know what they’re eating tomorrow.’ ‘Should I film this mass grave for the B-roll?’ ‘This whole war is B-roll.’” –Voshkod
“Rex thinks that a man and a woman flirting could be a problem, but his expression suggests that he genuinely doesn’t know. ‘Those two seem to be making eye contact and showing their teeth … those are signs of aggression, right? Damnit, I left my behavioral flashcards at home…’” –pugfuggly
“The E taped on the back of Mason’s chair is a nice touch. It’s condescending and it lets Mason know exactly where he stands with his studio. ‘Oh you want to change your name? How cute. No, we’re not ordering you a new chair. Here’s a Sharpie and a post-it note, Z-lister.’”–Dread
If you’d like to buy advertising on the site, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.
