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Spider-Man, 9/10/16

Spider-Man barely seems to care about the supervillains he battles with half the time, and he certainly isn’t emotionally invested in his job as a freelance photographer. So what’s his real motivation, then? Maybe it’s to find a true friend, someone who he can open up to, and take some of the pressure of emotional labor off of his wife, who barely tolerates him most of the time. For a tantalizing moment, it seemed like Scott could be that friend: after all, his insistence on stripping away the artifice of the superhero lifestyle seemed to lead to today’s first panel, in which he asks our hero about something real in his life. But, haha, nope, turns out that was just to distract Spidey so that he could get to the top of the building faster. Looks like yet another would-be pal is going to be paralyzed by spider-venom and left a hollowed-out husk after the delicious nutrients in his interior have been sucked out!

Six Chix, 9/10/16

I understand the motivation behind this, lady, but I’m not sure how comfortable you’re going to be in thirty years showing your own children lovingly hand-inked drawings of their father’s dick.

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Omigosh I know it’s late in the day but here is your Comment! Of! The! Week!

“Most kids like to imagine themselves playing for the pros, but this is Milford, where you dream little.” –TheDiva

And your runners up! Hilarious and worth waiting for!

“What’s saddest here is how when Tommy was hooked on meth he could make his own supply. But with Vicodin he’s dependent on the pharmaceutical industrial complex. Main Street is dead, man.” –James Dowd, on Facebook

“What a difference a few lines make. In Panel 2, the gentle look of concern from Mister Pharmacist. In Panel 6, just by making the eyebrows bend down instead of up, and a few extra forehead wrinkles, it goes straight from Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood to Death Rays From Planet Pharmacist emitting from his face. I look forward to tomorrow’s strip, when a SWAT team of DEA agents will rappel down from the pharmacy’s ceiling.” –Bruce Arthurs

“Not a single blonde, redhead, or brunette. Goth Day at the beach is clearly going well.” –Molly Dolan, on Facebook

“Mom, you’re not thinking about the advantages here. We could start shitting in the front yard now.” –Joe Blevins

“Wait, he’s pointing at me! You mean … I’m Pelwecki? I was Pelwecki all along? Man, that’s one plot twist I did not see coming.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“Yes, there’s no democracy in this office. It’s strictly a ‘sleep your way to the top’ regime, so if you’ll excuse me Leroy, I need to keep posing with my shirt unbuttoned and my buttocks thrust out, and hope the managers like what they see. As for you … well, enjoy fitting your weird lumpen bulk under our less-than-knee-high desks in the loser cubicle for the rest of your career.” –Schroduck

“It’s called Jesus. Here’s some literature.” –tihond

“‘Ah, but did you know addiction … can be treated.’ ‘It can? Then I shall take my leave of this pharmacy, and visit the shaving aisle. Perhaps a haircut and an employment agency on the way ho–’ [Mary leaps on-panel in a flying tackle] ‘YOU NEVER GOT ADVIIIICE’” –Dan

“They took a picture of Jeffy right before he balanced a ball on his nose, barked for fish, and then waddled back into the water. What I’m saying is Jeffy’s an affront to nature and humanity.” –Steve S

“I had no idea what was going on here when I first looked. My first guess was that this was Crankshaft: Origins in which a tween-aged Ed wakes up on a bus, started driving it, and never looked back.” –pugfuggly

“I’ve seen Pat Sajak spin a bankrupt, so I guess pluggers fall into an alcoholic stupor before 7:50pm. (Or 7:20pm. Check your local listings.)” –nescio

“Jeez, what is in the water that makes even school kids experience male pattern baldness (or, as they probably call it around there, ‘hair cancer’)?” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“How tired do you have to be to fall asleep on Crankshaft’s school bus? Tired of life, I mean.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“If someone had a ’10 week skip’ card, why didn’t you play it sooner?” –Kevin on Earth

“Wait, I thought Tuesdays were ‘disturbing intelligent animal horror’ day.” –Horace Broon

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And let’s give thanks to our advertisers:

• Bluebeards Original is proud to join The Comics Curmudgeon as an advertiser! Company owner Paul Kaniewski is a longtime follower of this site, to the point that it inspired him to created the famed Aldo Kelrast MySpace profile. Bluebeards has been making top-rated beard care products for ten years now, so any bearded folks or those that love them, please check out the site and try their stuff.
• Oh, yes, and my novel is something you should buy, in hardback, paperback, or ebook form! It’s called The Enthusiast, and it’s about trains, comics, stealth marketing, capitalism, and joy

If you’d like to buy advertising on the site, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.

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Gil Thorp, 9/9/16

Welp, looks like despite my best efforts to fool myself, summer is actually over in Milford, and football (both the American and foreign versions) season is getting underway! Panel one gives True Standish, the beloved (?) driving force behind many of the last couple years’ plots, an affectionate sendoff as he leaves the strip forever, or at least until he blows his knee out in a scrimmage a year from now and starts hanging awkwardly around Milford again. In panel two, Coach Kaz is the only person on the field wearing sunglasses, proclaiming his intention to let the whinges of his student-athletes blow harmlessly past him like “The Ride of the Valkyries” in the classic Maxell tape commercial. And in the final panel, a Lady Mudlark soccer player is experiencing one of the most valuable lessons that high school athletics has to offer: a keen insight into one’s own essential mediocrity.

Six Chix, 9/9/16

Shoutout to Six Chix for really committing to a strip gag where two vultures hang around talking about how much they love eating rotting animal carcasses! What really impresses me is that the artist gave that dead dog or whatever it is a face. Just two little closed eyes, but still, it crosses the line from “dead thing in the abstract” to “a creature that once lived and loved but then got hit by a car or maybe died of exposure and now its rotting corpse is a delicacy for these carrion-eaters to devour,” which, just to reiterate, is a joke that we’re expected to laugh at.