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Panels from Mark Trail, 1/17/16

Wow, it sounds like these so-called fishermen are making a ton of money from animals that aren’t even fish! What a bunch of frauds! Sure glad Mark Trail is on the case to blow the lid off of these seafaring phonies.

Spider-Man, 1/17/16

Oh, look, it’s my favorite kind of industrial accident, right after the kind that produces “Oops! All Berries” Cap’n Crunch: the kind that accidentally results in a comic strip being uploaded without any black in it! This will be probably fixed by the time you read this, but this is what the strip looked like when I found it. The panels are strangely beautiful, and definitely 100% less annoying now that you can’t read any of the dialogue or figure out exactly what’s going on.

Panels from Blondie, 1/17/16

“You don’t understand, Blondie! It’s just cheap and physical with Herb! He’s only for when you’re not available! You’ve gotta believe me!”

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 1/16/16

I’m going to warn you, in case you ever meet me in person: I’m terrible with names. I’ll meet someone, maybe on multiple occasions, and I’ll have lots of positive interactions with them, and I’ll remember all sorts of details about their life that they’ve told me, but for whatever reason the name doesn’t stick, and it eventually gets to the point where it’s too embarrassing to ask. Once, during my ill-starred time in grad school, I was in a seminar with a new student, and one day a friend and I were hanging around the department office when this new guy spotted us and started walking towards us, and my heart dropped because I couldn’t for the life of me remember his name, and I knew that the rules of propriety demanded that I introduce my friend to him, and when he came up to us I literally started saying “Hey, this is–” having no idea how I was going to finish that sentence, when suddenly the new guy cut me off and said, “Don’t bother,” and proceeded to tell us, with relish, how grad school was a sham and he was quitting to join a dot-com startup. He walked off and it was one of the greatest feelings of relief I ever had or would experience. Anyway, I have to imagine that this is how Rex felt, as he opens the conversation about tuition in panel one. Obviously he has to bring it up, he knows this is a private school, he’s no dummy, but surely … I mean, not Sarah … not the Morgans … they can’t expect us to dirty our hands … oh, Sarah’s tuition is paid for forever by blood-soaked mob cash? Excellent! What could possibly go wrong?

Six Chix, 1/16/16

Ha ha, it’s funny because that alien is alive and sapient and then we watch the cat straight up murder and eat it.

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Hey guys, a quick question for those of you who (a) have read my novel and (b) enjoy writing reviews of books you read, on the Internet: would you like to write a review of my novel, on the Internet? You can do so over at Goodreads or Amazon! Already a number of kind people have written thoughtful reviews but more can only help. Of course, you’ll need to read before you review and to do that you can buy from the fine links on this here page!

Annnnd with that self-promotion out of the way, let’s enjoy this week’s Comment of the Week, guys!

“Did Dennis walk up a couple steps to make his snide remark? ‘Hang on, I got a good one today, I wanna make eye contact for this.'” –Dan

Let’s also enjoy these hilarious runners up!

“Took me a minute to realize Sarah was wearing a hair-clip. At first I thought it might be a scar from when they put her new head on over the original, normal-sized one.” –Steve S

“The window says ‘ROOK STVUE’. You’d think that combination is meaningless, but just to be sure, you’d step inside to look it up in a thesaurus, right? As one does. And then they have you!” –Shrug

“You could make so much more! Like that guy who invented Sriracha. I bet he’s crazy rich! And look at how many different kinds of Tabasco they have now! Like literally ten or eleven kinds!” –Adam Menendez

“I’m one of the top talents in the apparatus! It’s much better than it was before, in Biff Tannen’s gang!” –Doctor Handsome

“‘Today, you will dress like a Park Avenue doyenne! …At least, an 80-year-old’s idea of what a Park Avenue doyenne looks like … Do they even have Park Avenue anymore?’ [Olive, frightened, shakes her head no.]” –pastordan

“The fact that a: we don’t see below Spicy Condiment’s neck and b: someone with X-ray glasses is looking at her head, makes me appreciate the artists for not drawing what must be a grotesque multi-tentacled disaster below her neckline.” –Kevin on Earth

“Honey, please: don’t bring your problems and negative emotions here, in front of the script! She can sense unhappiness.” –pugfuggly

“I’m pretty sure Pam is referring to how she calls Jeff’s penis ‘Geoffrey’ during the kinky Fresh Prince of Bel Air roleplay.” –Alex Blaze

“The initials IWU on Lois’ sweater indicates an alma mater. Wikipedia offers Indiana and Illinois Wesleyan Universities as possibilities. If there’s anything worse than seeing your college being mentioned in Hi and Lois, it’s not knowing if it’s specifically YOUR college being mentioned in Hi and Lois.” –Irrischano

“Meanwhile, ex-Judge Parker smiles as the plot to his next best-selling book, The Belgrade Affair, is laid out before him like an offering to God. She’d better die, he thinks, tragedy makes a great story.” –Voshkod

“Any other kid would be asking me ‘What is socialization?’ But you didn’t! That’s the next test! Now you get to skip TWO grades!” –hogenmogen

“WHEN HELL IS FULL
THE DEMONS WILL WALK THE EARTH
BUT
THE JOKES WILL NOT GET BETTER” –markpopham, on Twitter

“‘Yes, this remote area should be ideal for an examination of–‘ Here, Trail removed the twist-tied plastic bag from his pocket and and dangled it between thumb and forefinger. ‘–White-nose syndrome.'” –vewatkin

“I, for one, am grateful for that chest-high wall. So deeply grateful.” –Joe Blevins

[The plugger gets home] “Say, this drawing only shows some kind of box with an electrical cord halfway up a dog’s ass! That’s not going to help me connect this thing at all!” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“We knew these strips have long lead times, and now we know exactly how long: Today’s Dennis the Menace and The Family Circus were clearly written on 4/20. The creators of Mary Worth, however, have not even heard of The Devil’s Weed.” –Kibo

“I can see two possibilities: 1), the Mary Worth team really wants to add a little real-world New-York flavor to this story, but has no idea what is in NYC and just took a trip to their local mall to sketch logos, or 2) they’re doing this as advertisement for their product-placement services, hoping to entice actual businesses to actually pay them for this in the future. ‘Look how smoothly we inserted Macy’s into the plot. Mary could just as easily take a trip to [South Bend Indiana] and go to [Rocco’s Pizza].'” –DigitalGonzo

“I’m not so sure, Dennis. What about those pictures of missing children where they do a computerized projection of what they’ll look like when they’re older? I’ve prepared one in advance for you, because I have a funny feeling you’re about to go missing.” –Peanut Gallery

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