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Mary Worth, 10/14/15

Oh, poop, it looks like this whole week is just going to be Toby and Ian apologizing to each other and reaffirming the majesty of their love. Bummer! At least we get a good closeup on Ian in panel one so we can see his various textures. The thick matt of arm hair poking out from the ends of his sleeves; the undulating chinbeard hair; the bristly, astroturf like consistency of his suit jacket — it’s like you can reach out and feel him. Comics need this sort of totally immersive experience if they’re going to compete against other entertainment media in the modern marketplace.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 10/14/15

I like the knowing glance Snuffy is giving the reader, as he sits next to the hand-cranked ice cream maker that has for years met his family’s dessert needs but will now be immediately abandoned in favor of Silas’s fancy softserve machine. “Eh?” he seems to be asking us. “Eh? Modernity?”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/14/15

Welp, looks like the “Morgans get steeply discounted stuff” phase of this storyline is done with, and now Rex is faced with the humdrum reality of family practice medicine: dealing with patients and their eager buttholes.

Spider-Man, 10/14/15

THANKS A LOT DEBLASIO

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Crankshaft, 10/13/15

You might remember the Crankshaft strip from last month in which our heroes jammed an inflatable kangaroo into a pothole for a campaign commercial. I found it completely baffling, but several commenters patiently explained that it was a joke about the potholes being so deep they reach all the way to Australia. At least one person pointed out that the more typical metaphor would involve “digging a hole to China,” which is indeed the theme of today’s strip/commercial, going back to that same well. I’m honestly not sure if the fact that Ralph’s one-note campaign is just repeating itself endlessly is itself supposed to be the joke or if we just get one of these a month because, you know, why not.

Six Chix, 10/13/15

Hey lady, relax: Talking Heads broke up in 1991, with a fair amount of acrimony among the band members. If by some chance they did reunite, they’d probably do a reunion tour, or maybe even record a new album, but at any rate they’d be much more focused on music than telling you that coffee’s bad for you, OK? If David Byrne says it solo, it doesn’t count, so don’t worry about that.

Judge Parker, 10/13/15

Let’s not forget that Neddy’s big plan for this factory is literally to hire old people who are already on Medicare and Social Security so she doesn’t have to pay for their health insurance or retirement. This seemed like a great money-saving scheme at the time, but she hadn’t factored in the need to build elevators to accomodate the dozens of rascal scooters that would soon be whirring all over the factory floor.

Beetle Bailey, 10/13/15

Remember, if only straight men work on building sex robots, then a huge potential market will go untapped.

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Mary Worth, 10/12/15

Maybe I was a little too hasty in writing off the end of this storyline as a fizzle yesterday. After all, they couldn’t really be setting up the whole rest of the week as some glurgy sentimental reunion of the star-crossed Camerons, could they? I mean, yes, they could, they totally could, but I’m going to chose to read heavily into the surprised angle and hope against hope that this surprise is going to be less than pleasant! Will Ian come stumbling home with his new girlfriend? With his new boyfriend, Hilton Berkes, with Ian’s crush being painfully obvious in retrospect? Will Ian just be so startled by Toby’s presence that he’ll suffer a fatal heart attack, leaving Toby wailing and bereft? Or maybe just a minor cardiac event that will be embarrassing for everyone concerned? Can’t wait!

Dick Tracy, 10/12/15

The fact that Dick Tracy’s Neo-Chicago is apparently in the grip of a multi-week crime wave ought to be proof to anyone that brutal, civil-liberties-violating law enforcement doesn’t actually improve public safety.

Shoe, 10/12/15

Let’s ignore, for the moment, the fact that this joke implies that Mort charges admission to funerals, an innovative but to my knowledge unheard of mortuary business model, and instead focus on the important thing, which is that all of Biz’s friends are dying.