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Family Circus, 8/16/15

I like to think I’m a fairly modest person, but I will say this: because I’m both a tech writer and a comics blogger, nobody in the world is better equipped than I am to meticulously document when legacy syndicated newspaper comic strips make jokes about bitcoin. So here’s the Family Circus’s offering, coming in the wake of Six Chix and Barney Google and Snuffy Smith. I think it’s pretty clear, based on our put-upon ice cream man’s outfit, that this is a reprinted comic from the ’70s or ’80s, which leaves the question open as to what sketchy financial instrument was originally used in that word bubble. Junk bonds? Pet rocks?

Judge Parker, 8/16/15

I freely admit to not understanding at all the financial details of the whatever business partnership Neddy has established with Rocky and Godiva, and one of the points I understand the very least is why all of the sudden Rocky started agreeing to pay for everything a while back. Something about that being the price for letting him publish his tell-all book about being married to Godiva? Anyway, I’d like to think that he and his checkbook’s abrupt departure corresponded exactly to the moment when retail sales of said book began. Next week may depict the most shocking event in the history of Judge Parker: a Spencer-Driver paying for something with her own money.

Momma, 8/16/15

I am not comfortable with that knowing, self-satisfied look MaryLou is giving us here. “What Momma doesn’t know is that I’m living with a man! Did you guess? A man? A man who wears a baseball hat and a tie, and leaves his sporting equipment scattered around the house? Get it? And we’re fucking? A man?”

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Apartment 3-G, 8/15/15

Wow, after weeks and weeks of virtually no forward movement or anything of interest in Apartment 3-G, we have something that … might be interesting? Lately, Margo’s taken to wandering around Manhattan in a fog of confusion, occasionally hassled by people on the street who claim to know her but whom she keeps pushing away. But now we learn that her mysterious stalkers are named … Tim and Eric? If these names ring a bell, it’s because Eric Mills was Margo’s grill-loving almost-fiance who died in an avalanche (supposedly) smuggling his brother Tim and the Pachen Lama out of Tibet. But maybe Eric survived, or, weirder, maybe he died but has been reincarnated/called forth out of the spirit world by powerful Himalayan magic, to join forces with his brother to … irritate Margo, for some reason? The other possibility is that this whole thing is some sort of prank perpetrated by discomfort-causing alt comedians Tim and Eric, which honestly seems equally likely.

Shoe, 8/15/15

Whoa there, Shoe: priests don’t turn water into wine or vice versa. A priest could help facilitate a little transubstantiation, but unfortunately the accidents of the wine are not transformed in that process, and thus it will still taste terrible.

Pluggers, 8/15/15

Pluggers don’t use CREDIT CARDS issued by BANKS controlled by the ILLUMINATI CABAL who want to DESTROY AMERICA and establish a NEW WORLD ORDER so YES they WILL be paying with LIBERTY SCRIP backed by the INTRINSIC VALUE OF THE MINERAL RIGHTS INHERENT TO THEIR ALLODIAL PROPERTY on which they DON’T PAY TAXES because they’re SOVEREIGN CITIZENS and if you won’t take that but you will take BIG GOVERNMENT’S FIAT MONEY then you my friend are very much PART OF THE PROBLEM and I’ll be posting about this on FACEBOOK, believe you me

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You guys! This week’s top comment is pretty funny, right?

“Ah, but Dennis is present in today’s strip: he’s replaced Zayn in One Direction.” –pugfuggly

These runners up are pretty great too!

“Cayla’s weary and disappointed ‘my husband is obsessed with his time-traveling ex’ look from last Sunday is exactly the same as her ‘my husband lost consciousness’ look from today. Cayla, have you considered that maybe you just don’t like your husband very much?” –Dan

“Les, I think I speak for everyone here when I say you didn’t ruin the class reunion by passing out. That’s ridiculous. You ruined it by waking up.” –I am Groot

“Toby’s hiding the take-out containers while Ian brags about the little woman’s great cooking! What will ensue? (a) hijinks (b) wackiness (c) a tearful scene in which Toby tries to get her clueless husband to understand the myriad ways he undervalues and diminishes her (d) absolutely nothing of interest because, you know, Mary Worth” –bourbon babe, unbuckled

“Peep? I don’t know about you guys, but for me the most depressing part of today’s comics was finding out that ‘tweeting’ is apparently a protected trademark now.” –Vulpius

“Man those guys need to call up 1-800-ANACHRONISTIC-REPETITIVE-JOKES, the place one goes to remedy phone number-based joke problems.” –norbizness, on Twitter

“Say what you will, but I thought Horf on Bolf was pretty funny.” –The Homework Ogre, on Twitter

“I know he probably can’t afford a lot of them, but I hope to God Doc is going to wear a pair of disposable latex gloves while tickling Snuffy.” –Naked Bunny with a Whip

“Laughter is the best medicine, so readers of this strip are doomed to a slow, lingering death.” –Pozzo

“Oh, Mr Wilson, does this mean you’re going to scour the Earth for the forty least selling songs of the year? That’s a tremendous, heroic undertaking which will probably require several lifetimes and expose you to some amazing, unlikely, personal music. Godspeed you brave adventurer!” –Amake

“I mean, have you been on Soundcloud? Have you listened to the shit on Bandcamp? In my day we had a real underground. The Monks, Sun Ra, Great Society, Captain Beefheart, Rocket From the Tombs, The Residents. Now it’s just a drum machine, a laptop, and three out of work 20-somethings in a shit bar. Where’s the weed, Martha? I’m in the mood for the Troggs.” –Carter

“‘If I don’t get the $10,000 referral fee that Charterstone pays, I’m done for. I’ll have to declare bankrptcy. Or catch the first plane to Lima,’ thinks Ian as the sweat trickles down his back.” –Big Bad Dave

“Beats ‘the ol’ bumstead chumhead.'” –thisblogisfortherats, on Tumblr

“The best bit is Herb, focusing on the road, maintaining a neutral expression, and thinking ‘Oh, god, they’re talking about Dag Swag again. How long do I have to wait before that gets played out? And is anyone talking about my new tie? Of course not! I can’t wait until his boss crushes him.'” –Horace Boon

“‘This forward compartment is much larger — Wait … What’s that!?’ –Mark Trail, being exposed for the first time to the mechanics of heterosexual intercourse” –Doctor Handsome

“Mark has no need to be exposed to radioactivity to become a super-hero, since he already is one. His secret identity is Brylcreem Man, who by sheer force of will is able to keep his hair combed underwater.” –seismic-2

“Is the chicken over-cooked? Well, you are eating with a spoon, so…” –lumaca morente

“I first interpreted this Crankshaft strip as a kind of heartbreaking elegy to lives wasted, an ode to years of regret: ‘don’t say run, don’t tempt me, or I will run away, far and fast, away from this tragic existence, as far as my feet will take me, disappear into the fairgrounds forever, and live out the remainder of my life as a carny, remembering, remembering but never returning.’ But the harrowing expressions on Jeff and Ed’s faces as they prepare to take a massive dump in their pants are really almost as poignant.” –Jack loves comics

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