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Slylock Fox, 9/15/15

Ah, it’s another Slylock Fox depicting the world just after the horrible Event, when all the animals Awoke and began turning on the poor, unprepared Homo sapiens. Here our sheriff is still foolishly attempting to enforce human law and track down a criminal, unaware that now is the time to let bygones between people be bygones and stand together to preserve the species. If I’ve learned one thing from Warner Brothers cartoons, it’s that coyotes are trained in the art of deception, so I assume that crude face is just painted on a wall in that cave, the better to lure this cowboy into a trap. The vulture looks cruelly delighted. He knows he will feast on human carrion tonight.

Apartment 3-G, 9/15/15

As Margo arrives at her supposed Manhattan high-rise apartment building, the door (?) opens, and we see, from left to right … a wall covered in vinyl siding, a vast blue emptiness, a glass door, more emptiness, the back of a toilet or maybe a faraway white panel truck, and a low-rise apartment building with first floor retail. I think “malfunctioning holodeck” may be the most logical solution here.

Momma, 9/15/15

Finally realizing that she cannot control every aspect of her children’s existence as long as they live and have wills of their own, she’s decided to have them killed, taxidermied, and mounted, starting with Francis.

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Crankshaft, 9/14/15

I really appreciate the ways in which the dystopic grimness of the Funkyverse is shaping Crankshaft’s Ralph Runs For Mayor plot. Normally we’d have a plucky underdog whose down-home simplicity and, yes, naivety actually turn out to be assets in the race against an arrogant, entrenched incumbent. Instead, we’re seeing what a one-note campaign run by old men who have no political experience and who range from befuddled to angry would actually look like: incompetent, incomprehensible, and offensive by turns. I assume the kangaroo is supposed to represent a “foreign” “species” from “down south” [WINK WINK] and that Ralph is … literally promising to pave the roads of Centerville with the mangled bodies of immigrants? Or else this is just absurdist surrealism, which would be even less effective as a campaigning tactic.

Notice the lovingly depicted valve on that kangaroo’s tail. While this spoils the fun for fans of elder plushiefuckers, it gives me hope that Crankshaft managed to poke a hole in the thing as he crammed it into the pothole, and that it’s slowly deflating behind Ralph as they film this terrible, terrible commercial.

Momma, 9/14/15

Momma is right to be confused. “But … Francis knows I don’t have any friends!”

Dennis the Menace, 9/14/15

“Some magic set. Where are the turtledoves and hares I can sacrifice to the Dark Lord, to beg him to grant me powers beyond those of mortal men?”

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/13/15

Oh, boy, everybody, Milton’s son Hugh is back! I barely touched on him in my summary of the last Avery International storyline a couple weeks ago, but trust me: Hugh is hilarious. He tried to take over the company once, already! He was so annoying that Rex decided to mess up his schemes, not out of feelings of friendship for Heather but out of pure spite! He wandered around a parking garage aimlessly with Rex, then had to sit in the Morgans’ ice-cream befouled car! He doesn’t even like his dad, with good reason! He doesn’t really understand what a nurse is! He insulted June’s wine! He flailed around amusingly when he realized he’d been scammed! He got hilariously drunk and maudlin, and was subsequently hilariously hungover! He pathetically begged June to be nice to him! He was visibly unsettled when his stepmother practically flashed him, but soldiered on with his apology! He almost got blown up! Then … I actually don’t know how it ended up with him? I thought he and Heather sort of made up, but now he’s trying to take the company away from her again? Or maybe this is another Avery son, in which case I’m going to feel pretty dumb for having spent the last half an hour hunting down all those links. Anyway, just to remind you that the person attempting to gain control of the company by marshaling support among the stockholders who ultimately own it is the bad guy in this storyline, and we’re supposed to be rooting for the person who had her mentally incompetent husband appoint her a company director.

Mark Trail, 9/13/15

“People aren’t born being naturally afraid of snakes! They learn to be afraid of them when they find out that many of them can inject you with deadly poison with their long, terrifying fangs. Anyway, you know who isn’t afraid of snakes? Mongooses! That’s because snake venom doesn’t affect them. You should probably be afraid of snakes, though. THEY HAVE MOTHERFUCKING POISON TEETH”