Post Content

Crock, 5/3/15

Though Crock is pretty obviously supposed to take place in some version of the French Foreign Legion in some version of colonial North Africa, it’s pretty rare to get explicit clues like the French tricolor flying from the fort here. Today we learn that in a desperate attempt to hold onto its crumbling empire, France is employing child soldiers! Shame!

Blondie, 5/3/15

As excuses to hide a secret extramarital affair go, I would rate “oh no I was working on a complicated jigsaw puzzle with my male friend and we lost track of time look ha ha here are some puzzle pieces in my pocket, I’m definitely not making this up” as fairly unbelievable.

Mary Worth, 5/3/15

This week in Out-Of-Context Quotes From Inappropriate People That Arrived In Mary Worth Via Brainyquote.com Probably: self-described “transgressional fiction” author Chuck Palahniuk, most famous for writing Fight Club! Very excited to learn at the end of this two-week trial period whether Adam is a figment of Terry’s imagination or vice-versa.

Judge Parker, 5/3/15

Oh, hey, in all the excitement over Sophie’s dreams of warlordship, I forgot to mention how the whole confrontation with Dalton turned out! How it turned out was this: Sam offered to set up some kind of Skype connection so that Dalton could watch his daughter get married, and Dalton sheepishly calmed down. Now Abbey will have to pretend to enjoy watching this poor-person affair on the trailer park’s TV, assuming Sophie doesn’t decide to bomb it from space.

Post Content

Judge Parker, 5/2/15

Say what you will about Judge Parker, but it is not afraid to play the long game. Remember way back in May of 2013, when Sophie casually mentioned that wars interest her? Well, that interest is not just academic. Sophie understands that she’ll probably have to spend a few years on the battlefield to gain experience and cred, of course, but she no doubt rightfully assumes that her coldly calculating intellect will quickly catapult her up the ranks until she’s planning major campaigns from deep in her underground bunker, ordering cities to be wiped out with a mere gesture. Honey Ballenger will be sorry she stole away prevented Sophie from stealing away Derek then, in that brief moment before the flash vaporizes her and everyone she’s ever known.

Momma, 5/2/15

Sure, there are a lot of problems with America’s profit-focused health care system, but look on the bright side: maybe it will kill Momma!

Pluggers, 5/2/15

But

I mean

This is just literally what oral tradition is

You haven’t put a plugger twist on it all

Come on now

Really

Post Content

Hey guys! Just a short comment of the week list from the second half of the week — your Uncle Lumpy loved you all too much this week to pick and choose your favorite comments. But first: if you gave during the fundraiser, you should’ve gotten an email by now with a link to a survey where you can let me know what reward, if any, you want. If you haven’t gotten one yet, please email me at jfruh@jfruh.com and I’ll send you the link. (UPDATE: It turns out that due a goof on my part, I found at least five donors that I didn’t send emails to! You may have just gotten a note just now. And if you haven’t please definitely email me!) About 20% of you haven’t filled it out yet, and I can’t send you your reward if you haven’t filled it out! And even if you don’t want anything, please take a minute to fill it out to tell me so — otherwise I’m going to go a little crazy worrying you never got the email.

Anyway! That housekeeping done, here’s your comment of the week:

“Now think about this — if you had never read this comic before, you would see a toddler writing/drawing his ‘diary’ from his diaper days, with CRAYONS, and refusing to go to sleep when placed in his crib. There is absolutely NO mention of excrement. Their Pavlovian experiment has been successful — we only have to see Marvin to think ‘poop joke.’ Our minds have been trained to see what’s not there. I consider this to be more menacing than any Dennis cartoon.” –Arabella

And your very funny runners up!

“I SENSED SOMEBODY behind me — But it’s honestly a little difficult to sense anything with you so uncomfortably close and your head on my shoulder, Natasha. Do you realize you’re doing it? Is this intentional? Let’s keep this a strictly working relationship, all right? I’ve already got one wife I don’t care about, I don’t need another.” –Jack loves comics

Funky Winkerbean: “Les struggles to remember what ‘joking’ means. ‘It’s … like passive-aggressive punning, only funny?’ he hazards.” –Horace Broon

“Just when the ‘Is this Dress White or Bue’ started to die down, Pluggers drags us all back in.” –maltmash3r

“The income Henry earns clicking the ‘REJECT’ button on insurance forms is communal property, shared by The Missus. Dennis will learn this after his first divorce.” –Johnny Knuckles

“Didn’t Mark Trail stop a charging hippopotamus once by jamming a flaming tree branch in its mouth? So Mark should be able to stop the forest fire by jamming a charging hippopotamus into the flaming trees.” –KreatureFeatures

“That cyclops just invoked the name of Mistofer, the Dark Lord of The Revenuer! Hide yer still, Snuffy, The Man has his eye on you!” –Mumblix Grumph

“I haven’t been following Mark Trail too closely, but don’t tell me that Emerald Ash Borer Beetles have discovered the secret of making fire! Don’t worry about telling everyone, nice bureaucrat lady; we’re all doomed now.” –Joe Momma

“And then she trips over another branch and her hair falls down and oh my God she was conventionally attractive all along.” –C. Sandy Cyst

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! If you’d like to buy advertising on the site, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.