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Hi and Lois, 3/22/25

“Wow, my wife/mother sure is a BALLBUSTING HARPY” is one of my least favorite genres of domestic comic strip, but I gotta say, Hi and the kids can’t have been talking for more than, what, 10-15 seconds here? And Lois is already demanding they return to their assigned manual labor tasks. She is being unreasonably intense about this, I think we can agree.

Judge Parker, 3/22/25

Big news: Sophie has requested, and apparently been granted, a cushy job helping run her rich boyfriend’s family firm’s charity arm. She just needs to know a few things first, mostly that, like pretty much every charity arm of a rich family’s privately held company, she’ll mostly be doing money laundering and tax evasion stuff, and occasionally writing four-digit checks to whatever crackpot cause some of the wackier relatives are into. You’re cool with that, right Sophie? That’s where your heart lies, pretty much?

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 3/22/25

Doc Pritchairt is in fact very much not a dentist. Not sure if getting him to swear an oath is going to mitigate that fact, but honestly it couldn’t hurt (unlike his attempts at dentistry, which are going to hurt quite a bit).

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YEAH BOY IT’S TIME FOR THE COMMENT OF THE WEEK! WHEEEEEE

“When you walk around on a video call, how often do you keep the phone camera carefully framed to show your entire head and chest? How often do you make sure to keep your chest in the picture while you walk around the beach in a bikini? What about when the person on the other side of the call is your mother? And your mother happens to be staring at your enlarged picture on a several-foot-high screen, with an appraising look on her face? We already knew that each generation of The Phantom Family manages the sex life of the next one, but this storyline shows us there are aspects we haven’t seen before.” –Nevin, on Patreon

AND THE FUNNY RUNNERS UP TOO! YEEEHAW

“Hey, honey, how would you feel about cooking a lamb inside a lion for dinner tonight? Sort of a turducken thing I just thought of. No idea what we should stuff the lamb with yet. I think watching Animal Planet might help me with that one.” –Retraux_Rocket, on Twitter

“It’s the middle of the night, and there’s an entire blueberry pie in the refrigerator that Dagwood hasn’t even tasted yet? This actually does sound like a nightmare scenario for him! I guess it would be pointless to suggest he should get out a plate and fork before gobbling down a slice — heck, we should be happy that he didn’t just stick his entire face into the center of the pie and eat his way out.” –BigTed

“Personally, I appreciate the effort Dagwood puts into his alibis. He could just as easily have said, ‘Hey, honey, I’m gonna go eat an entire pie, alone, in the middle of the night, so … yeah.’” –Joe Blevins

“The FUSE: Fornication Under Sanction of Evans. It’s all coming together.” –Hibbleton

“‘LuannFan.com’ is really stretching things. ‘LuannTolerater.angelfire.com’ I could believe.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“To be a plugger is to have everything you ever loved fade away. Even fried food becomes a distant Fantasy. All that’s left is to sit 2 feet away from the TV set and wonder how the room got so small.” –Guts Dozier

“Crock is supposed to be a satire of Beau Geste, a novel no one now alive has probably ever read. But canonically the ‘heroes’ are English orphans raised in an upper class household and presumably exposed to the sexual deviancy common in upper class British households of the time. Good old Cecil may have taught him to ‘tie his shoe’ but I think we can all assume that the expression has nothing to do with footwear.” –Vanya

“But Peter received no answer for BC was stone dead, the cartilage of his shattered nose having been driven into his brain.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“With timeline drift, Dennis and Margaret are among the youngest members of Generation Alpha and as such, have no comprehension of Mr. Wilson’s crude 1950s gender stereotypes. Sorry, ‘homemaker’? We’re going to be living in a genderfluid polycule commune where all tasks are shared equitably! The future is now, old man!” –Dan

“Martha is surreptitiously filming this exchange for her YouTube channel, ‘Obnoxious shit my husband says to six-year-olds.’” –Lawyerbob

“‘Oh nuh, muh tonguh got stuk to tha clipbhord!’ ‘Mine tuh! Help uth, Thiffany!’” –Voshkod

“All Hi ever got from a sex drive was four kids who refuse to grow up and get out, so no big loss as far as he’s concerned.” –MKay

“I know the Hi and Lois team does not share my vision of the strip as character-driven (Lois is neurotically compulsive, Hi is crushingly aware of his inadequacies, neither can feel joy), and that’s why they never develop or even name Chip’s girlfriends. BUT THEY COULD AT LEAST REMEMBER THAT CHIP HAS BLOND HAIR.” –matt w

“Wilbur enters a typo for driving directions and they end up at Muay Thai. He is then forced into a battle royale. Prepare yourself for the art of the eight limbs, sandwich boy!” –Gil Bates

“[steps into blank beige space] Ah, spring, probably.” –pugfuggly

“Honestly, the most distasteful bit about this is the rhythm. A spondee followed by three thudding iambic pentameters? At least have the decency to create a complete decasyllabic verse, you hacks!” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“We finally know who put the bomp in the bomp bah bomp bah bomp. I wouldn’t have guessed it was a mule, but now that I know, it makes a lot of sense.” –Peanut Gallery

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Garfield, 3/21/25

Not sure if the implication here is that flies go into some kind of suspended animation over the winter upon being frozen then reawaken in the spring (only to be eaten by spiders), or if this particular spider has been stashing fly corpses outside all winter and can now enjoy eating them after the spring thaw. Either one is honestly pretty distasteful, and also scientifically inaccurate!

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 3/21/25

Remember, while Tater is the Smifs’ biological child, Jughaid is their nephew, which makes it all the more disturbing that he refers to the family mule as “Aunt Sukey.” Are we to understand that he considers Sukey to be a sibling to one of his caregivers? Or, worse, do Sukey, Snuffy, and Loweezy constitute a throuple?

Curtis, 3/21/25

I’m sorry, Greg, but your tween son asking to use your credit card to buy an umbrella as a gift for his wealthy crush is a perfectly insane scenario! What child would even think of such a thing? The fact that it’s an expensive fancy English umbrella is the least of what’s going on here! I declare this whole situation to be not very reasonable at all, actually.