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Slylock Fox, 3/17/25

Yeah, we get it, Slylock is engaged in a long-running and very sexy game of cat and mouse fox with Cassandra, of which this is merely the latest episode, and check out her flirtatious body language as she makes her fake phone call from behind the jukebox, but … sorry, I can’t focus, because that muscular android Betty Boop is terrifying. Clearly that’s the sort of femmebot that, if released from its glass prison, would immediately strangle anyone who tried to control it with its surprisingly powerful hands. If Slylock were serious about Cassandra getting her comeuppance, he would simply allow her criminal enterprise to catch up with her, but as noted, this is all elaborate foreplay, so he’ll ensure that the Boop-o-Matic remains safely contained.

Alice, 3/17/25

Speaking of strange romance, we’re getting some lore here on the Alice aliens: they apparently outsource all flirting and sexual interactions to their eyestalks, which nuzzle one another while the main portion of their bodies discuss more intellectual, aesthetic, and philosophical matters. Seems efficient!

Luann, 3/17/25

Big news, everyone! The comic strip Luann launched this day in 1985, and after 40 years and thousands of installments, Luann has finally kissed a boy. Took a while but I think we can finally wrap this thing up!

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Mother Goose and Grimm, 3/16/25

One of the most famous and beloved Far Side panels involves a group of vultures sitting in a circle on the ground, and one of them is wearing a cowboy hat and jacket and saying “Look at me, everybody! I’m a cowboy! Howdy, howdy, howdy!” Is it dark? Sure, but the darkness is leavened by the fact that the vulture is being silly in a very specific way, and, somewhat crucially, by the fact that the presence of the dead and now mostly naked cowboy is only implied, his body obscured by the scavengers who are in the process of eating it. In today’s Mother Goose and Grimm, by contrast, a rotting human corpse is quite visible, and the vultures are merely celebrating with bug-eyed, manic expressions as they prepare to feast on his rotting flesh. I don’t think the vibes are anywhere near as good in this one, to be honest.

Blondie, 3/16/25

Today’s Blondie, like a substantial majority of Blondies, is pretty forgettable, but I do really enjoy Blondie’s deadpan “uh-huh” in the dead center panel. You gotta imagine that being married to Dagwood, or to any of the primary characters in legacy comic strips, is, you know, a lot.

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Blondie, 3/15/25

You gotta imagine that, when you’re talking to Dagwood Bumstead, there’s always a danger that he’s going to stare off into the distance, licking his lips, as he descends into a food-driven fugue state. It’s probably pretty off-putting and it’s honestly surprising that more people don’t just avoid him. Certainly his mailman has no real professional obligation to interact with him as much as he does!

Daddy Daze, 3/15/25

The central mystery of Daddy Daze is, I suppose, whether the Daddy Daze baby actually communicates with the Daddy Daze daddy in an elaborate language of “ba”s that the Daddy Daze daddy can understand, or if literally every strip we see is just the Daddy Daze daddy doing an elaborate series of bits with a baby who is too young to consent to participate in them. But the secondary mystery is undoubtedly “Why are the “Daddy Daze daddy and the infrequently seen Daddy Daze mommy no longer together, despite the fact that they had a baby together quite recently?” Today, the answer is clearly that, whether the baby is a willing participant or not, a life with the Daddy Daze daddy is obviously a life spent subject to endless bits, and such a life is to be avoided at all costs.

Judge Parker, 3/15/25

Aw, isn’t that nice? Randy is sad about his sister going to prison, so his trained CIA assassin wife is helping him cope by cutting off his oxygen supply, sending him off to a peaceful sleep, possibly forever.