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“Costumed cretin” remains a delightfully sick burn

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Spider-Man, 11/20/14

Oh, man, sequels! I love a sequel! This storyline just launching in Spider-Man is itself a sequel to the storyline about filming the first Marvella that ran in this strip back in 2006. Mr. Smiley, who had a slightly less dumb beard back then, managed to make Marvella profitable with innovative filmmaking techniques like just filming fight scenes in one take with no stunt supervision, so look for more of that this time around! That storyline also ended with our hero being knocked unconscious by a butler wearing a silly hat, so I’m really looking forward to this.

Apartment 3-G, 11/20/14

How much would I pay to see Margo give the wedding planner version of the “like tears in rain” speech from Blade Runner? “I’ve … seen things you people wouldn’t believe. Drunken bridesmaids weeping on the shoulder of Orion. Centerpieces on fire, glittering in the darkness in the Main Ballroom at the Ramada Inn and Conference Center in White Plains. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears, in rain, on your wedding day. Time … to see if the bartenders have any champagne left over.”

Dennis the Menace, 11/20/14

Dennis’s neighborhood has somehow devolved into Somalia-style anarchy, and he and Joey are trying to get ahead in the warlord game by setting up sidewalk checkpoints. Pretty menacing!

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As long as we’re not talking about Mary’s sex life, I’m good

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Mary Worth, 11/19/14

Let me be clear: I may joke about this increasingly less coded elderotica storyline in Mary Worth, but, as someone with aspirations to someday be old and to also continue to be sexually active, I am 100% in favor of it. Today we learn helpful techniques! If you think your partner has mobility issues, let them set the pace. There are a wide variety of different kinds of movement that can feel good!

Luann, 11/19/14

Speaking of the love lives of non-youths, this virtual surprise party has resulted in the shocking revelation that Gunther’s mom is … maybe coming back from a date with … some … guy? Anyway, this is pretty disappointing if you’ve been shipping Gunther’s mom and Quill as hard as I have.

Six Chix, 11/19/14

I am 100% not in favor of this cartoon. Ha ha it’s funny because … the bird-mom is keeping her eggs warm by frying them in a pan? To eat??? THIS IS MONSTROUS. ALL SIX OF YOU CHIX ARE MONSTERS. I KNOW ONLY ONE OF YOU DREW THIS, BUT THE REST ARE TAINTED BY ASSOCIATION.

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Soapy Tuesday

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Mark Trail, 11/18/14

Did Mark almost get eaten by a bull shark last week? Yep! Did I completely ignore it? Sure did! Am I only revisiting today’s strip because Mark and Cherry are again lounging around sexily in sexy bathing suits? Heck yeah! Guess who has several beautiful areas? Mark and Cherry Trail, that’s who! Sure wouldn’t want to do any mining near them and spoil their “natural beauty,” nudge wink. This a Chastely Erotic Mark Trail Fanblog until further notice. (Further notice will come when Mark punches somebody.)

Mary Worth, 11/18/14

Mary Worth, meanwhile, is not so much chastely erotic as frankly erotic. This elderly pair sure aren’t wasting any time! Why bother going out and wasting precious oxygen and Social Security money at some fancy restaurant when you could just go right to Sean’s apartment and have him “make you a mean tuna sandwich,” if you know what I mean? I mean he’s going to make her a tuna sandwich, you perverts. Old people love tuna sandwiches, they’re nutritious and they don’t take much chewing. They’re totally gonna have crazy sex after they eat, though.

Apartment 3-G, 11/18/14

Margo’s free! Free to do whatever she wants, without interference or emotional entanglements of any sort! I certainly hope that one of the many things her assistant Sam has on his plate is the role of pretending to be Margo when talking to Gabriella, presumably by wearing a bun-wig and talking in a falsetto.