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Mary Worth, 10/8/14

Congrats to Mary Worth for deploying an actually interesting narrative technique this week! After yesterday’s head-on collision, we smash cut to Ian, sweaty and wild-eyed, barging into his own home and gibbering wrathfully at his terrified trophy wife. We’re left to imagine the trail of verbal carnage he left in his wake. The sneers! The condescension! He’s clearly been driven into a frenzy of fender-bender-based superciliousness, and everyone is going to hear about it! Poor Toby: you get the feeling this isn’t the first time she got a finger wagged in her face because of something unforgiveable that somebody else did.

Shoe, 10/8/14

Ha ha, it sure does look like you live alone, Perfesser! Because generally most people don’t like living in unsafe hoarding-zones filled with literal trash. Say, remember how you used to live with someone else? Your nephew, Skyler? Ring a bell? It’s not clear if he’s finally decided that life as a homeless runaway would be better than the unsanitary lifestyle you keep, or if he was just crushed to death under a pile of newspapers.

Heathcliff, 10/8/14

It’s true: far too much garbage ends up in the ocean, disrupting ecosystems vital to life’s long-term survival on earth. Heathcliff is right to look so sad.

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Mary Worth, 10/7/14

Few things have unsettled me more today than Hanna thinking to herself “My grandson is safe with his mother … for now.” What could this possibly mean? Safe from what? Is he the Chosen One of Prophecy, with a magical protection charm keeping evil at bay as long as he stays in his mother’s home? Is this why Hanna’s been so reluctant to babysit him, because while his mother’s out finding self-actualization or true love or whatever, Hanna must maintain constant vigilance against the emboldened dark forces who seek to snuff out Gordon’s life before he can come into his full powers? Probably not, and I guess we’re never going to really find out, because right in the middle of this reverie she just stone-cold rammed into the front of Ian’s car, and I assume that his condescending rage will be both extensive and hilarious.

Apartment 3-G, 10/7/14

Kudos to Margo for maintaining her utter dominance over both Tommie and Lu Ann with one power move. I certainly hope that every third night over the past few months she and Lu Ann sat together staring at empty plates for several hungry, agonizing hours. “Look, Margo, I don’t think she’s coming home tonight, I could cook something real quick–” “No. It’s Tommie’s night.” “Well maybe we could just get some Thai food delivered, or–” “It’s Tommie’s night, and put that phone down RIGHT NOW or I am not responsible for the consequences.”

Better Half, 10/7/14

Remember, only in the sweet grip of death can you escape the extractive power of the tyrannical state! SUICIDE IS A REVOLUTIONARY ACT

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Hey guys! I am starting a new tradition here on josh reads dot com where I put up a metapost on Mondays letting you know about (a) things I’ve written elsewhere that you can read and (b) things I’m about to do live and in person that you can attend! Obviously I’ll only do it when one of the above things is true for that week. This week you get one of each!

  • I wrote this slideshow about the worst types of people you meet working in IT! You may recognize these people from your own workplace, even if you’re not in tech, frankly.
  • Also: I am about to do my very first standup show in Los Angeles! I am on a bill with lots of other funny people this coming Saturday at 8:30 at Tao Comedy Studio at 7466 Beverly Boulevard, as outlined on this flyer!

    If you are a Los Angeles-area reader and have been thinking “Gee, I wish Josh’s live comedy adventures happened close to me — like, he should just pick up his entire life and move thousands of miles for my convenience,” this has now happened, so it’s time for you to hold up your end of the bargain. Seriously, if I do my first ever stand-up show in LA and people come out to see me specifically that … is the sort of information that would get around and/or be helpful, I think? Just putting that out there. Anyway, the Facebook event is here, if Facebook events are the kind of things you find helpful!

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