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Apartment 3-G, 10/6/14

Good news, everyone! The non-Tommie Apartment 3-G gals have finally reappeared, after nearly five months! I think it was five months. That’s based on the dates I came up with for this post from June; obviously everything that’s happened in this strip since has obliterated by ability to perceive the normal passage of time, but it’s probably right. Anyway, it’s good to see that our three roommates have fallen right into their usual pecking order. “Hey, Lu Ann, I missed you, and OH GOD MARGO YOU ARE THE EVERYTHING, THE ANIMATING FORCE BEHIND ALL CREATION, WITHOUT YOU EVERY PLANET AND EVERY STAR WITHERS AND DIES”

Apartment 3-G, 10/6/14

Normally Billy weeks at the Family Circus are are just excuses for fake-crude drawings and not-fun-awful puns, but this one has a serious message. Yes, Daddy is watching his “waste,” ha ha, get it, but also, as his exaggeratedly emaciated frame makes clear, he suffers from serious body dysmorphia. That smile can’t mask the fact that, when he “watches” his own body, he sees nothing but garbage. Men can have eating disorders too, Big Daddy Keane! Getting help is not a show of weakness!

Six Chix, 10/6/14

Hey guys! Happy Monday from Six Chix! Did you know your mind is a writhing, densely packed mass of repulsive steel-grey worms, like something out of an H.R. Giger fever dream? Have a fun week!

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Apartment 3-G, 10/5/14

Oh my goodness, guys, I don’t want to jinx it, but I think … I think … this Apartment 3-G storyline might finally be over. Tommie has seen Jack mushing the side of his face up against Carol’s face, and according to the community’s strict decency codes, they must now marry or be forever ostracized as sexual degenerates. And, good news! Lily has proven her worth, so she won’t be killed and eaten! Looks like all’s well that’s ended well after weeks and weeks and weeks of literally nothing happening, oh God, so many weeks, so many nothings.

Marvin, 10/5/14

I … guess the “personal product commercials” they’re talking about are ads for erectile dysfunction pills? I’m basing this on the throwaway panel in which Jeff correctly regards the prospect of feeling like an awkward teenager again with horror. But overall this joke is extremely nonspecific, and I’d like to imagine the original was much more explicit and the editor sent it back to the artist saying “Sorry, you can’t really talk about boner pills in the comics section,” and then the artist replied “Dude, are you aware that this strip is 90 percent repulsive scat porn?” and the editor’s like “Yeah, the syndicate doesn’t care about that, it’s a messed up world and we’re all stuck in it, now vague this up some more.”

Momma, 10/5/14

Happy Fire Prevention Week, everybody! Momma is going to prevent fires wherever possible! Even in places specifically designed to accommodate fires! Is electricity a kind of fire? Some Orthodox rabbis think so, so sure, why not! End all fire everywhere, Momma! Bring down civilization! SEND US ALL BACK TO THE CAVES

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Dennis the Menace, 10/4/14

Sure, I make fun of Dennis the Menace, particularly when it comes to Dennis’s lack of menacing, but if there’s one thing I really respect about it, it’s that Mr. Wilson has never stopped being angry, has never softened into a likable character. His trademark single bead of anger-sweat is here, but his hands are also clenching into fists — not because he plans to hit anybody, because Mr. Wilson is not at heart a violent man, but because his whole body is just clenching up involuntarily at the thought of so many naps ruined. So is he going to die of a massive coronary event, and soon? Yes, probably! But he will have never compromised his truest self.

B.C., 10/4/14

Remember the innocent bygone days of this strip, when the main thing you could say about clams was that clams got legs? Well, now clams got a terrible addiction to prescription medication.

Beetle Bailey, 10/4/14

I’m guessing that panel two here is a result of someone saying “Hey, let’s maybe mix up our simplistic art a little and actually show the back of someone’s head for once” but in actually it looks like someone’s saying “Guys guys guys how many tabs was I supposed to take how many tabs OH MY GOD EVERYONE’S FACE IS A CLOUD HOW DO I UNCLOUD YOUR FACES”