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Crankshaft, 7/31/14

Crankshaft is framed as the “fun” Funkyverse strip, but of course the infinitely dark singularity around which all matter in Funkyspace/Funkytime orbits absorbs fun like a hate-sponge. This leads to weird tonal mismatches in the strip in plots like the current courtroom drama. Crankshaft’s wildly unsafe grilling practices have been a mainstay of the strip for years, and while originally these plots were depicted as cheerful, cartoonish slapstick, over time they’ve slowly morphed into episodes that are genuinely terrifying for Crankshaft’s neighbors, family, and local first responders, who seem genuinely afraid that they might lose everything in a fire or be burned to death.

Now Crankshaft is on the jury of a man who’s actually been charged by the local legal apparatus with similar disregard for the safety of his neighbors, and of course his sympathy is fully with the accused. This seems to be written to be played for laughs, but today’s art, in which Crankshaft veers wildly from furious indignation to terrified cringing and his fellow jurors look at each other with genuine concern, makes it read more like a man alternately angry at the world’s rules and wracked with guilt over violating them. It’s definitely not “funny,” I’ll say that.

Dennis the Menace, 7/31/14

Speaking of inappropriately intense emotional displays, I want to point out that while Henry is merely cradling his face in his hands in mock despair, Dennis appears to be emitting actual tears, or at least copious amounts of sweat. Either he can’t go ten TV-free minutes without having a genuine meltdown or he’s really mastering emotional manipulation. Either option is plenty menacing.

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Shoe, 7/30/14

I kind of like the fact that the nonconsensual photo of a drunken senator taken in panel one, which will presumably be posted on various social media platforms and go viral for certain low-grade political scandal definitions of “viral,” isn’t really remarked upon by anyone here, except as a launching point for a terrible bit of wordplay. And why should the senator care? Used to be that a guy — even someone with an important job — could spend his afternoon enjoying a beer or six and nobody would think twice. Used to be that a guy dressed up in a fucking wizard costume in the middle of a restaurant would get a lot more disapproving looks than an upstanding, suit-wearing citizen who happened to be getting a little buzz on. I guess times really have changed, though I’m not sure if technology is the culprit here.

Heathcliff, 7/30/14

Port-o-Johns rent for $85 a month if you want them serviced every other week, so I’m not quite sure Heathcliff’s owner-grandpa’s math really checks out. If he really wanted to save money, they could just let him use their bathroom? I could see why they’d be hesitant to go down that route, though.

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Mary Worth, 7/29/14

Oh, man, you guys, I always thought that this storyline was going to be about a little girl with angel friends and second sight, but don’t forget that Mary has psychic powers as well! Remember when Mary dreamed Dr. Jeff was drowning, so she flew to Vietnam, where he had gone to help people only to contract a dangerous ailment, and then Mary forcibly dragged him back? Anyway, last weekend Mary dreamed that Olive was drowning, which apparently indicated that Olive was actually drowning, so her future-scrying abilities are getting less metaphorical, which is probably helpful, in the long run.

Funky Winkerbean, 7/29/14

Haha, this actor who is starring as “Les,” the lead character in a movie on a true story written by a guy named “Les,” is surprised to learn that his character is based on the screenwriter! In other news, everyone in this Funky Winkerbean plot continues to be a moron and/or jerk other than Les, which is definitely something readers will enjoy because Les is such a universally beloved character.