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Open talks: on the one hand, they’re an invaluable therapeutic tool (NOTE: Open talks have not been certified by the American Psychological Association as a therapeutic tool and are not intended to diagnose or treat any mental illness), but on the other hand they can sometimes lead to feedback — unwelcome feedback. People need to be cautioned about the potential for such feedback! And what better way to caution everyone in advance than to wear a t-shirt with this logo on it?

This logo was designed by faithful reader and logo-design hero A-wel Cruiz and you can now buy it on just about any CafePress product you can imagine, including thongs, but if you want it on some product you don’t see there just email me and I’ll add it. Feedback! Sharing! Open feedback sharing fever! Catch it, by buying products from my CafePress store. And then send me pictures of you wearing them, so I can showcase them on the site!

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Gasoline Alley, 9/10/13

As usual, I haven’t been keeping you up-to-date on the extremely low-stakes antics in progress over at Gasoline Alley, and as usual I don’t feel a bit sorry about it, because as usual you’re not missing much. The short version is that Slim’s daughter Gretchen has an Italian boyfriend named Guido who’s supposed to be flying in to meet up with her and her dad today, only it turns out … he hasn’t! And in response to Slim’s fairly straightforward and perhaps largely rhetorical question, Gretchen gives an extremely horrifying answer. “Where’s Guido? I’m not sure, but it’s a good bet that he’s still safely contained by a layer of healthy skin! Yep, we can be reasonably certain that Guido’s empty skin-sack isn’t hanging in a display case in some monster’s nightmarish trophy room, while Guido himself is somewhere else entirely! The chances that his entire body has been flensed by some madman, leaving him a shambling, screaming open wound, wandering around oozing blood everywhere, are probably no greater than one in four!”

Funky Winkerbean, 9/10/13

Speaking of everyone’s worst nightmares of horror and madness, I’m sure the real reason Bull goes through the lost and found box every morning is as some sort of coping strategy to avoid thinking about how depressing life in Westview is for him and everyone he knows, but I do want to point out that he appears to be a holding aloft a severed human hand in the second panel.

Hi and Lois, 9/10/13

You hear that, world? Hi and Lois may be a bland legacy strip that nobody has any sort of strong feelings about one way or another, but at least it’s not going to lower itself to Marvin’s level and do an endless series of poop jokes.

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Mark Trail, 9/9/13

Guys, it seems that those surveyors we heard about last week are looking for good spots to drill for oil in Lost Forest! They’re being backed by Senator Mason — a senator who Mark “supported,” which means that … he voted for him, or gave him money, or wrote a long puff piece about him in Woods and Wildlife Magazine, who can tell, but the point is that Mark owns this guy and how dare he sign off on fracking near Mark’s idyllic forest. I hope he doesn’t mind Mark stopping by unannounced! I’m sure he won’t. There’s literally nothing our elected officials like better than when random citizens ring their doorbell at dinner time to demand the advancement of their pet causes.

Mark has had some senatorial encounters before: he was pals with a senator who liked to pimp-slap sassy citizens, even if that meant that he got punched in return, triggering a near-fatal heart attack. Together, he and Mark exposed the sweaty corruption of his senatorial rival. But neither of those senators was named Mason, so I guess this is a third guy? Lost Forest has three senators? Sure, why not, makes as much sense as anything else in this strip.

Spider-Man, 9/9/13

Ha ha, Spider-Man is just kidding, except deep down inside where he’s totally not kidding. It’s almost as if being an unlikeable loser who literally nobody likes has hurt his self-esteem, somehow.

Apartment 3-G, 9/9/13

“Is that giggling I hear? Levity? At a time like this? Kids, the lieutenant governor just had a massive stroke, show some fucking respect.“