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Shoe, 10/9/13

So it looks like my earlier theory — that the Perfesser has covered his floor in newspapers because he’s a bird, and shitting on newspapers on the floor of their home is what birds do — was something of a reach. It turns out that he’s just a hoarder whose home has reached such a state of chaos that he’s desperate to escape it. If you’re want an insight into his increasingly glum mental state, note that in the months since that cartoon linked above, he’s devolved from eating chips to picking from a bag of mysterious “SNAX,” presumably because he self-loathingly thinks that a guy with empty pizza boxes and tires strewn around his living room doesn’t deserve better than ambiguous snack-like foodstuffs to eat.

Momma, 10/9/13

I’m not sure what this comic is supposed to be getting at in the context of Momma’s usual themes — maybe that the fly mistook Francis for a fellow loathsome pest? My preferred reading is that we’re being reminded that all creatures have a sense of self and will to survive, and that we perpetrate a thousand murderous tragedies a day without even realizing it.

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Six Chix, 10/8/13

Oh, you really expect us to believe this is only “one day” at the Louvre, Six Chix? If you posit that inanimate statues are capable of thought but not movement or communication, then the Venus de Milo has been has been silently screaming about her missing arms for centuries. If only her head had fallen off during all those years underground! Then at least the thinking, the useless, awful, endless thinking, would be over and done with! Or maybe statues don’t think with their heads. Maybe being headless would only render her unable to see or hear, an unmoored mind whirling forever within cold, lifeless stone. Anyway, I know my next trip to the museum just got a lot more depressing!

Speaking of museums, Six Chix seems to have taken advantage Rex Morgan’s discovery that you can put naked butts in the comics as long as it’s fancy art, and has gone one step further and shown us some full-on boobs. If only certain other strips had the nerve to push the envelope!

Mary Worth, 10/8/13

Haha, remember when Mary was determined to spend more time with Jeff? Well, that plan is off if it involves going with him to gross third world countries, apparently! “I too am going on a trip … to … somewhere not infested with giant insects, and where I can get a nice dinner that won’t confuse and terrify me? Yes, let’s say that.”

Spider-Man, 10/8/13

Sure, El Condor’s regime is a brutal dictatorship, but he doesn’t only use his iron fist to crush all political dissent! He also uses it to enforce sensible modern building safety codes.

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Slylock Fox, 10/7/13

Oh, man, this is just another example of the shameful criminality within the Rat family, in which even their charming mating rituals are indelibly tied up with theft. It’s too depressing to think about, so let’s all just enjoy Max Mouse on his skateboard, shall we? Wheee! That sure is a radical and extreme way to get to a crime scene, Max!

Apartment 3-G, 10/7/13

This strip made me laugh longer and harder than anything that appeared in the comics all last week. Tommie, one of the ostensible main characters in this strip, hasn’t appeared since May, but don’t worry, she called in a couple weeks ago to let us know that she’s OK, it’s just that nobody told us because Tommie is mind-numbingly dull. Also, don’t forget that Tommie is taking her exotic, exciting, and now-extended Italian vacation with her mom, which, much love to my mom and all other moms out there, but it’s kind of par for the Tommie course, you know? Or maybe I’m being too judgmental. Maybe Tommie and her mom have found hot matching age-appropriate (or even age-inappropriate) Italian men to seduce and have extended their stay so that they can better enjoy their cross-generational Italian sex idyll. (Just kidding, that would never happen, because Tommie is the boringest person alive.)

Heathcliff, 10/7/13

“He also refuses to use the flush toilet, despite the fact that he’s obviously fully capable of doing so. I guess he really wants us to keep having to deal with disposing of his poop, because, as noted, Heathcliff is kind of an asshole.”