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Slylock Fox, 10/7/13

Oh, man, this is just another example of the shameful criminality within the Rat family, in which even their charming mating rituals are indelibly tied up with theft. It’s too depressing to think about, so let’s all just enjoy Max Mouse on his skateboard, shall we? Wheee! That sure is a radical and extreme way to get to a crime scene, Max!

Apartment 3-G, 10/7/13

This strip made me laugh longer and harder than anything that appeared in the comics all last week. Tommie, one of the ostensible main characters in this strip, hasn’t appeared since May, but don’t worry, she called in a couple weeks ago to let us know that she’s OK, it’s just that nobody told us because Tommie is mind-numbingly dull. Also, don’t forget that Tommie is taking her exotic, exciting, and now-extended Italian vacation with her mom, which, much love to my mom and all other moms out there, but it’s kind of par for the Tommie course, you know? Or maybe I’m being too judgmental. Maybe Tommie and her mom have found hot matching age-appropriate (or even age-inappropriate) Italian men to seduce and have extended their stay so that they can better enjoy their cross-generational Italian sex idyll. (Just kidding, that would never happen, because Tommie is the boringest person alive.)

Heathcliff, 10/7/13

“He also refuses to use the flush toilet, despite the fact that he’s obviously fully capable of doing so. I guess he really wants us to keep having to deal with disposing of his poop, because, as noted, Heathcliff is kind of an asshole.”

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Slylock Fox, 10/6/13

There’s an awful lot of fun things going in today’s Slylock Fox — that “How To Draw” bull looks more exasperated than raging, for instance, and I’d dearly love to know what’s going on in the Six Differences, in which ordinary animals seem to be ganging up on a baffled Grimace-thing. But the best little detail is that Max Mouse is surreptitiously dialing 911 as Slylock outlines the ratiocination sequence that will convict Shady Shrew of larceny and assault. He knows Sly’s been pushed to the limits by Shady Shrew’s constant low-level criminality, and fears that this might be the day when, instead of handing Shady over to the owl-run justice system, the predator-detective will just grab the insectivore between his powerful jaws and shake him back and forth until his neck snaps. Even though they’re on different sides of the law, Max can’t stand to see his fellow small mammal go down like that.

Beetle Bailey, 10/6/13

Welp, Beetle Bailey is still fixated on sex robots, but at least this time they’re imagined as part of the camp’s chilly rationalist’s vision of a dystopian, dehumanized future, so I guess that’s progress?

Momma, 10/6/13

Haha, it’s funny because Thomas and Tina’s house is literally infested with vermin, augh augh augh augh

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Mark Trail, 10/5/13

Whoa you guys, Mark is using high technology to defeat his enemies. And by “high technology” I mean “a cell phone that appears to have a seven- or eight-inch screen.” That counts, for this strip! Hiding an enormous tablet-slab might be slightly trickier than stashing away a smaller phone would’ve been, though.

The tragedy of today’s Mark Trail is the terrible coloring job. Mark appears to be wearing a charming western jacket with arrows embroidered on it. Do you expect me to believe that the whole thing is just a dull brown? For shame, King Features colorists! We want to see Mark’s jauntiest outfit ever in all its glory!

Beetle Bailey, 10/5/13

Normally, if a beloved long-running family comic strip that runs in thousands of newspapers had a character openly arranging an orgy, you might think that was kind of noteworthy, you know? But now my attitude is “Well, at least all of the women he’s planning on having sex with are biological life forms and not crudely anthropomorphic robots,” so well played, Beetle Bailey!

Shoe, 10/5/13

This bird-lady and her bird-husband went on a second honeymoon and, despite her husband’s advanced years, they were able to have all the intercourse they wanted, thanks to modern pharmaceutical science.