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Wizard of Id, 8/23/13

Wizard of Id doesn’t go in for meticulously researched historical detail like Prince Valiant or whatever, but usually its strips include its pseudo-historical characters in its faux-medieval milieu, or at least people who might be plausibly presented as existing in said faux-medieval milieu, even if there are also jokey non-medieval angles to the gag. But today all of the strip’s 49 years of accumulated baggage has been cast aside so that we can enjoy this entirely contemporary joke. Not that it isn’t worth it, obviously, since the punchline is so original, so groundbreaking, that once it had been conceived of it would have been a literal crime against humanity to give it anything but the widest publication possible. (It’s about how kids today use computers instead of magazines, you see, and also about how the magazines in doctors’ offices are generally quite old.)

Family Circus, 8/23/13

Remember, old people aren’t better at hugging because their age and wisdom have opened their hearts more fully to the possibility of loving other human beings without judgement or fear. They’ve just done it more than you have! Have you ever been hugged by a child? It was awful, right? They’re terrible at it. They need more practice.

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Spider-Man, 8/22/13

“What, you’d rather have our fall gradually slowed by air pressure against a large parachute, when we could just have our arms violently wrenched out of their sockets when I latch onto a building with a single strand of webbing? You’ve been reading too many physics books, old buddy!”

Apartment 3-G, 8/22/13

Hey, remember Marty, Lu Ann’s socially awkward art student whose dad has PTSD and a brain tumor and is also destined to be Lu Ann’s doomed love interest? Well, she has a bad girl friend! You can tell she’s bad because she has a bizarre, asymmetrical haircut. What can you expect from a girl who asymmetrical hair? Tobacco cigarette use, that’s what you can expect!

Pluggers, 8/22/13

Pluggers’ bodies are so full of cholesterol and preservatives that sexual arousal is completely out of the question, really.

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Judge Parker, 8/21/13

Hey, there’s this whole other plot going in Judge Parker that I had completely forgotten about, involving Neddy’s new friend’s husband maybe being kidnapped and held for ransom in Niger, or maybe it’s an elaborate grift to get money out of the Spencer-Driver coffers, who knows! I am very enamored with Abbey’s look of vague disgust in the final panel. “20,000 euro? That’s really all you can come up with? I’m pretty sure we’ve got more than that in our couch cushions. Ugh, dealing with poor people is so distasteful, I don’t know how you people live.”

Pluggers, 8/21/13

SERIOUSLY PLUGGERS YOU HAVE A LOT OF NON-DOG-MAN CHARACTERS YOU COULD’VE USED FOR THIS JOKE IT’S LIKE YOU’RE TRYING TO CONFUSE US

Heathcliff, 8/21/13

Heathcliff’s neighbor is racist against hippos.