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Dennis the Menace and Blondie, 4/1/24

Is there any “holiday” more vile and unpleasant than April Fool’s Day, which is mostly marked by “pranks” perpetrated by the least funny people alive? These tricks generally take one of two very simple forms, as illustrated neatly in these two strips: making someone believe that something bad is happening when it really isn’t, or making someone believe something good is happening when it really isn’t. Does anyone enjoy either? I’m going to say no.

Dustin, 4/1/24

The “making someone believe something good is happening” one is a particularly dangerous game, as Dustin is discovering, especially if you put a lot of work into it! Look at how mad his father is in panel two. He’s about to put his son out on the street and have him carry those presumably empty boxes to his nonexistent new apartment.

Pluggers, 4/1/24

Today’s Pluggers is just a baffling and confusing series of decisions (is Smokey a plugger? “April Phurst”? The Philippines?) meant to keep you completely off-kilter with no real resolution, and in that sense is the only good April Fool’s Day strip. Kudos.

Mary Worth, 4/1/24

The worst prank of all, however, has been perpetrated by Mary Worth on all of us. We were all looking forward to Dawn’s hilariously disastrous reunion with her cold, withholding mother, but instead we’re going to get … Wilbur realizing his life is empty and meaningless? WE ARE ALREADY WELL AWARE OF THIS, UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES DO WE NEED IT REHASHED OVER THE NEXT SIX TO FIFTEEN WEEKS

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Family Circus, 3/31/24

Some might think that Billy’s smug expression in the second panel here is just because he thought of a good (i.e., very bad) pun for his little fill-in cartoon. Those people aren’t familiar with what a little shit Billy is. It’s actually because he thought “Jesus is the Son, and he’s rising … hey, you know who else is the son? Me! Easter is the day for all of us sons, doing our thing, getting recognition for it! Except Jeffy, obviously. And the other one, the one who doesn’t talk, what’s his name.”

Hi and Lois, 3/31/24

Did you think you were going to be able to get through one sacred holiday without your terrible children ruining it by being little turds? Hi and Lois, the edgy modern newspaper comic for today’s cynical world, is here to deliver a resounding no on that point.

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Beetle Bailey, 3/30/24

I actually really like Sarge’s facial expression in this one. Having been advised that he’s walking into a potentially explosive situation, he’s subtly but carefully assessing enemy positions and weak points, as well as any potential means of egress. It’s called situational awareness and the soldiers under his command could frankly benefit from his knowledge in this area!

Dennis the Menace, 3/30/24

Forget darndest thing saying or even impish destruction: this is the kind of menace you should most fear from a child, when you’ve gone out of your way to create a whimsical delight for him and he can only respond with unearned, heavy-lidded ennui. This is the good stuff!

Pluggers, 3/30/24

This bear-man is clearly delighted looking at this belt, and is not experiencing an iota of body shame. Stop trying to impose your agenda on him, Pluggers caption! He just thinks braided belts are neat!