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Gil Thorp, 6/28/13

I think we can all agree that it’s been a long week we’ve just slogged through and we deserve a little reward. That reward has been handed to us by Gil Thorp, in the form of an old man in a Hawaiian shirt dealing out some brutal vigilante justice on some young thugs. These punks were insulting the nice “!”ing lady who just wanted to take their order at this fast food restaurant, and when this elderly gent tried to school them in manners, they crossed the line and drew first blood shove, leading to a wholly justified judo-throw “who-o-a!” followed by a meaty face-punch “WUD!” Does this herald at long last a bonkers wacky Gil Thorp summer storyline, like the kind we got in days of yore? Let’s hope!

Marvin, 6/28/13

But because I am a cruel blogger who taketh away joy as well as giveth, let me direct your attention to this image of Marvin wryly contemplating his new sexy dominatrix baby sitter.

Marmaduke, 6/28/13

SEE SEE IT’S NOT JUST ME MARMADUKE’S A MONSTER A MONSTER I TELL YOU

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Crankshaft, 6/27/13

When? America demands to know. When will we get Crankshaft making dickish puns about New York City, like we were promised? Well, it seems that after a week of Crankshaft being an asshole at the airport, we now have to deal with a week of Crankshaft being an asshole on a plane. Today’s strip actually nicely encapsulates what I frequently find off about the tone of this strip: this is a fairly zany gag, and an impossible one at that — you can’t actually open one of those doors in mid-flight by accident. It should be played pretty broadly. And yet everything about the art is actually pretty serious. Like, instead of just looking bored or wry or something, the flight attendant is actually running towards the back of the plane in panic. And Crankshaft’s face! That’s the face of a man who knows with absolute certainty that he’s about to die horribly, due to his own poor decisions. It’s the face I’ve wanted to see on Crankshaft for years, so I guess I’m not sure why I’m complaining so much about this.

Judge Parker, 6/27/13

Speaking of things that have been dragging on for two weeks against all expectations, Judge Parker Senior is still really mad about a bad review of his trashy mystery novel! The war criminal who dared disparage it is a professor at Princeton and Yale, which (a) isn’t a thing that happens, generally, but (b) should provide the Parker-Spencer-Drivers, who are fantastically wealthy and always get everything they want without putting forth any effort whatsoever, with a great opportunity to rail against “elitists.”

The Phantom, 6/27/13

UGH, the Phantom thinks World War I was still happening in 1919. Can we trust the veracity of any of the information from the Chronicle Chamber now?

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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 6/26/13

Oh, look, Cuzzin Zeldy has arrived in Hootin’ Holler! Her brand of pagan spiritualism may provide a welcome alternative to Parson Tuttle and his desperate, fraudulent promises. Her first attempt to transform the theological world of the townsfolk involves informing them that chickens and other animals killed for their meat have immortal souls, and will vengefully haunt those who murdered/ate them. Could be awkward!

Spider-Man, 6/26/13

I’ve never really doubted J. Jonah Jameson’s journalistic instincts before. I’ve had plenty of questions about his journalistic ethics, sure, obviously, but I always assumed the guy knows what sells. But if people won’t buy your tabloid when the front cover features a sugar-crazed mob angrily wielding candy bars and screaming for the blood of a mayor who’s deep in the pocket of Big Public Health, maybe print is dead.