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Heathcliff, 6/16/13

Somewhere, deep down in the bowels of my long-term memory, there’s a little glimmer that tells me that, yes, Heathcliff’s father has always been a notorious hardened criminal in the strip. I’m not sure what the significance is of the fact that he wears his prison uniform even as he walks the streets a free man. Are we meant to understand that he’s only just escaped from the joint and hasn’t had time to change yet? Is this an act of defiance against the government that once put him behind bars? Mostly his uniform just serves to draw uncomfortable attention to the fact that Heathcliff is walking around stark naked.

Dennis the Menace, 6/16/13

A rare double menace from Dennis today! In the throwaway panels, he waits until Margaret comes into earshot before letting everyone know that he doesn’t like her and is only hanging out with her for her cooking; and then he uses this twee little Father’s Day exercise as a chance to inform the other children that his father loves his family, unlike theirs, who will take any excuse to get away from them and enjoy their “hobbies,” alone.

Mary Worth, 6/16/13

Haha, the look on Beth’s face in the final panel is priceless and has made this entire storyline worth it. “Tom! Wait, you want to … what? We never … no. No. Not in front of … are you kidding me, Tom?”

Panels from Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/16/13

Sorry, everybody, I have been remiss in keeping you up to date with Rex Morgan, M.D.! Anyway, remember when Sarah wanted to sell her horsey art, for money? Well, now an actual museum wants to buy that horsey art, to use in a gift shop book! It was way too easy. “Wow … that was too easy!” thinks Sarah. She’s right. Sarah can smell a trap anywhere.

Pluggers, 6/16/13

Pluggers don’t understand that the structure of our global capitalist system ensures that fluctuations in equities and derivatives markets have major and sometimes painful results in the real day-to-day economic life of ordinary citizens. Also, they are very clumsy and often bump into things.

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So it’s June 15 and I think it’s safe to say that the spring Gil Thorp lawsuit storyline isn’t ever going to get interesting, but I do think that an ending in which the Jarbo family wins its case because the sue-y guy who fell down got his gas stations mixed up is at least suitably farcical. Wouldn’t … wouldn’t this have come to light during the discovery process? I mean, I’m neither a lawyer nor someone foolish enough to expect Gil Thorp plots to mirror reality in any way, but … DAMN IT I THINK THIS WOULD HAVE GOTTEN SORTED OUT AT SOME POINT PRIOR TO THE ACTUAL TRIAL.

Blondie, 6/15/13

This is just your reminder that Dagwood is so dedicated to not being a normal husband who showers that he literally does not have a shower in his house. Also, he is a crazy person.

Luann, 6/15/13

DAD RELAX IT’S CALLED A SUICIDE PACT OK IF YOU DON’T SEE THE ROMANCE IN DYING TOGETHER IN A TWISTED HEAP OF METAL AND AGONY THEN IT’S NO WONDER YOU’VE NEVER UNDERSTOOD ME

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Your comment of the week is hopefully all you’d hoped and dreamed:

“I always assumed that ‘How are the otters today’ was one of those greetings men make to one another when women are not present.” –Lumaca Morente

Your runners up are also very hilarious:

“WHAT is going on with Lu Ann’s hair in panel 2? It looks like her wig is wearing a wig.” –Herr Komerad Kommissar Denny

“Notice the little twirl the ice-cream-truck guy gave that fudgcicle. I think this is less a knighting and more some sort of bizarre induction ritual into the International Fraternal Order of Faceless Monstrosities.” –Drewbear

“Charlemagne’s decision to have the Pope coronate him established the Vatican as a major political player for the next 700 years. Today’s Heathcliff is far more disturbing.” –Nekrotzar

“…I found where they printed his expiration date. I also found his bar code. They’re pricing him at $2.99 a pound! The Earth is just a farm, and we’re just livestock! So, anyway, I’m fattening him up for the kill. Maybe I can make a little money off this, ya’know?” –Voshkod

“The otters are doing fine. More than fine. As you’ll see, they are now each four feet tall and gazing around with their new, horrible skull faces at the corrupt world that once dared to hurt them. Someday they will descend on society, leaving bloody destruction in their wake, disemboweling anyone who has the gall to invite someone on a fishing trip knowing full well they are going to back out of it like a flaky, emotionally distant son of a … I’m sorry, what was the question again? Right. Otters. Doing great.” –Tophat

“Hello, Mr. McKay, thank you for coming to court today. Quick question though, is your suit actually a cylindrical robot torso painted to look like a suit? Its just always good to know if we’re dealing with a robo-lawyer in the courtroom.” –Chareth Cutestory

“Is ‘Professor Herb’ a recurring character in Gasoline Alley, or did he and his botany lab magically appear in answer to Slim’s parsley crisis? Maybe this is all a dream Slim is having, where all his neighbors are unsettlingly evocative of food items, and then Slim eats them.” –damanoid

“Sadly, grandpa plugger has to get his weathergirl jollies from his old 19-inch TV, which, ironically, is balanced on top of the high-def big screen in a magnificent wooden cabinet that his adult children bought him, but that he’s too proud to admit he can’t figure out how to turn on.” –BigTed

Funky Winkerbean: “He was going to take us all on; me, a nerd with sideburns, my lame-ass wife, and his pregnant-looking, afro-having girlfriend. I have no proof of this, plus I’m a million years old and Frank will undoubtedly deny the whole thing and still go on with that horrible reality show that no network will ever buy, anyway. Welp. Can I have those graham crackers you promised me, please?” –notmydesk

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