Post Content

Your comment of the week coming shortly (and yes, I know I’m RIDICULOUSLY early today), but first: comics superstar Julia Wertz is also an abandoned-building-exploring superstar, and she spotted this decaying bit of newspaper from the ’60s on the floor of the projection booth in an old theater. Check out who’s there!

Yes, it’s a very special episode of Mark Trail, in which he and his friends decide to euthanize a buffalo, with a shotgun.

Anyway! In the here and now, here’s your comment … of the week!

“‘Our Becky? I mean — my Becky?’ Alas, Rufus and Joel were having Becky in common with nary a care in the world, but now the threat of monogamy has allowed jealousy to rear its ugly head. In keeping with its usual value system, Gasoline Alley gives us the important moral: bestiality is fine; fight the real enemy: Marriage.” –Sock Puppet

And your runners up! Very funny!

“Note the smirk in Darrin’s face as he shovels. He knows it’s killing the old man. He knows.” –Freakin Hemingwad

“Don’t interpret this strip in such a negative way! Maybe look on the bright side of things and hope that FW is setting us up for some Hitchcock style Rear Window suspense. That would then mean someone in the Funkyverse is going to get murdered! That’s good news, see?” –Chareth Cutestory

“Pluggers know that subject-verb agreement is only for smug elitists with their fancy ‘basic education.'” –Meg

“It’s me, Claire! Don’t sugarcoat it. I want a chocolate shell around a nougatty center!” –Dood

“Of course Dill’s team won. Did you see what those other cakes looked like? They did not represent nature in any way whatsoever.” –Liam

“In case you were wondering how well Newspaper Spider-Man’s powers work, a blind man with normal human strength just threw sort of a stiff-arm in the midst of an uncharacteristic freak-out, and Spidey blindly swung into it with such force that he’s apparently broken some ribs, lost his grip on his webline if that’s possible, and is suffering from full-body convulsions as he plummets to his doom, all the while asking, ‘?'” –Doctor Handsome

“Am I a freak for thinking the A3G storyline is kind of exciting right now? I am on the edge of my seat waiting to find out whether the fire was intentional or an accident, and what will be Evan’s fate. I should probably get some nice cushiony diapers because with the pace of this strip I will be on that seat edge for a very long time.” –Currer Bell

“Most people would take a minute to say something like, ‘What an asshole!’ or ‘What do people in San Francisco have against calling it Frisco?’ or ‘Why does my wife fall asleep every time I call her?’ But not Peter Parker. There’s Something Wrong and he’s going to find out what it is, if it kills him. I’d suggest starting with therapy.” –The Right Venerable Pasdordan

“It’s funny because Dagwood is getting his news from a newspaper while wearing a bow tie at the breakfast table, and it’s 2013.” –Squeak

“Does the fact that Becky appears to be sentient and to understand human language make this better or worse?” –junk science

“Let me go out on a limb here and suggest that Rusty’s camera holds evidence of Rod Bassy’s nefarious plot to win the fishing tournament by having his morally bankrupt sidekick attach genetically-enhanced farm-raised record-sized bass to Rod Bassy’s patented Rod Bassy Lite-Up Serial-Killer Bass Lure using the remote control midget submarine secreted in The Rod Bassy Serial Killer van when not in use. Either that, or pictures of goats humping.” –flatsixes

“I’m sure that image of Dill and Mary Worth standing in front of a star field in space is how Kubrick wanted to end 2001. Sadly, the studio told him to ‘be less weird, Stan.'” –Voshkod

“Oh, sure. That’s ALWAYS been Crock’s problem. Too MANY jokes.” –Daniel

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.

Post Content

Wizard of Id, 2/15/13

I think when you’re correcting the depiction of a Scrabble game played in a faux-medieval magic world in a daily newspaper comic, you’re officially that guy, and lord knows I don’t want to be that guy, so let me just very briefly point out that if you’re going to say the word you just played in Scrabble aloud, you’re probably going to say the point total rather than the number of letters, that you can only play seven letters at a time, and that the Wiz could conceivably be building off of “ex” or “on” or “ion” but even if he is there doesn’t appear to be a a nine-letter word on the board. Also, I know significantly less about the rules of magic in the Wizard of Id than I do about Scrabble, but I do know a little bit about the rules of comics narrative, and I think that if you have a character complaining about the proximity of a magic wand in panel two, said magic wand should at least be visible in panel one.

Crankshaft, 2/15/13

Most of the time when people ask for crossword puzzle help they do give a letter count for what they’re looking for, but the rules of Crankshaft narrative involve everyone talking at cross-purposes and getting irritated at each other, so I’m willing to let this pass.

Mary Worth, 2/15/13

Obviously the coming drama here will revolve around Mary not wanting to leave her comfy Santa Royale home to go to New York and learn how to be a pastry chef, because why would she, but I would certainly enjoy a retooled Mary Worth that focuses on Mary and John trying to make it in the big city. The first episode would revolve around their discovery that $10,000 doesn’t come close to covering eight months of rent in a two-bedroom New York apartment.

Marvin, 2/15/13

Marvin: not just a comic about a baby who soils himself constantly! It’s also about racist dogs.

Post Content

Mary Worth, 2/14/13

It’s always a dodgy business, trying to translate the contortions of the lumpy head-fronts of Mary Worth characters into real human emotions, but I think Mary looks kind of surprised in panel two by the announcement that this absurd cake contest somehow has the funding to hand out thousands of dollars to its winners. “You earned it! …wait, what? $10,000? I mean we earned it, we earned it, yes, look at me, I have a yellow ‘1st’ ribbon pinned to me, hand over that check, hand over that enormous novelty check to me right now, I was an integral part of this operation.”

Apartment 3-G, 2/14/13

I guess Lu Ann is supposed to be in Texas getting to know her birth mother Ruby better, or maybe in South Dakota trying to mend the relationship with her adoptive family that was always fraught for reasons she never understood, either possibility serving as a fine potential storyline that we will of course never, ever get to see. Nevertheless, it’s fun to see her call in and act baffled about the concept of fire, and her interrobang nicely captures her flailing, agitated confusion. “How could our building catch fire, Tommie!? Are buildings made of flammable material? Who stole the flame-magic from the sky god?” Tommie, meanwhile, is concerned that the Professor is sitting alone in the smoldering shell of their apartment building, wondering about the smell and the draft.

Crock, 2/14/13

It appears that the characters of Crock, having been promised a release from their endless purgatory that has yet to arrive, have simply decided to stop telling terrible Crock-jokes. And more power to them!