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Mary Worth, 7/23/23

Oh, so I forget to tell you that when Greta was being held captive, she made friends with a fellow dog-prisoner, the one the cops were surprised wasn’t dead, and so I guess she was so depressed not because of her ordeal, but because she missed her pal. Fortunately Dr. Ed is the only vet in town, so everyone has to keep taking their pets there, despite his terrible yelp reviews, and now they’re reunited! Anyway, it’s funny because Mary and Saul have just been assuming that Greta was kidnapped by a dogfighting ring despite having no hard evidence, and since Holly is a known kidnapee, it seems like this is a vital clue into Greta’s experience, but probably nobody’s going to talk about it! They’re just going arrange a play date and everything will be fine. Remember, the past only exists by how your remember it!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/23/23

“Hmm, I quit surgery because it was annoying, but now that I’m realizing that it means less time spent with my wife, maybe I need to reconsider. The patients will be under general anesthesia when I interact with them, right? I won’t have to talk to them?”

Family Circus, 7/23/23

I’m sorry, I’m going to have go lie down for a bit while I process the fact that in today’s Family Circus a smiling old woman told a child that “A galaxy of pain awaits you, dear!” like she was in a fucking Hellraiser movie or something.

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Six Chix, 7/22/23

One of the fundamental gimmicks of the comics is to provide human-level thought capabilities to animals and plants and even inanimate objects, which is all very good, but the reason that, for instance, yesterday’s piss play Six Chix was so off-putting is that it provided that sort of consciousness to a tree, which normally you don’t even think about when you let your dog piss on it, but now you’ve been given a window to a world where the tree might have opinions about being pissed on, and it’s not a view anyone wanted! Anyway, not to dwell on it, but, Six Chix, what are you doing, why are these animals having conversations in human language about eating poop, I’m begging you to step back from the brink.

Marvin, 7/22/23

And babies! Babies are the same deal! An actual preverbal infant pissing himself: fine, normal, you take it in stride; a Marvin character baby pissing himself and saying “I’m doing this for the attention!”: gross, horrible, why is this happening, how can we make it stop?

Curtis, 7/22/23

OK, in non-piss news, this one is going to require a bit of setup, but: Curtis got a summer job working at a sea turtle rescue org, and there was a sea turtle who had lost a flipper and who was always very depressed but got happy when Curtis was around, and it first they thought it was in love with Curtis, but then it turned out it just loved his trademark green hat, so everyone else who worked there got one too. But then they also figured out that it would be happier if they gave it a prosthetic fin? Which makes you wonder why they didn’t just do that in the first place?? They’re literally an organization that rescues and cares for sea turtles??? And their first thought was hat-based therapy????

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The heatwave shows no sign of relenting … and neither do your COTW laffs. Here’s this week’s top comment!

“Remember when this small veterinary hospital didn’t have time to see emergency patients, and sent suffering animals to other random clinics? Well, thanks to Stell and her part-time magic at the front desk, apparently Dr. Harding has enough room in his schedule to provide hours of therapy for sad dogs. Is that because she’s so good at her job, or because she’s so off-putting to potential patients that no one except her personal friends will even come here anymore? In any case, it’s Southern California in 2023 — so whether it’s an dog at the vet’s office or a depressed veterinarian seeing his own therapist, I’m pretty sure the treatment will involve ketamine.” –BigTed

And your very funny runners up!

“I’ve got my ice cream scooper in my doctor’s bag, so we should be good to go.” –taig

“A pissy-faced Rex pauses long enough to admonish the narration box. ‘Don’t you mean makeshift? All bandages are temporary.’” –Hibblelton

“‘Except for the fact that people don’t remember their infant years at all, you’ll look back with fondness on these days of sitting outside alone in an empty yard with me staring at you creepily from the doorway.’ I’m starting to think Marvin’s dad might be nuts.” –Chance

“A sticky note that says ‘Call Mary’? Might as well just get a tattoo that says ‘breathe.’” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“Can’t wait for Snuffy to gradually be replaced by his cousin who is really into pickleball and only make a few more appearances in Barney Google and Snuffy Smith and Pique L’Ball over the next 70 years.” –Truckosaurus

“It seemed a sucker’s bet to Thirsty: who could ruin their marriage faster? Obviously, an alcoholic who’s drunk all the time or in the process of getting there. But he had underestimated Hi’s complete apathy towards Lois and his ability to lecture her about her feelings with utmost dismissal.” –Old Man Shadow

“I wondered a bit in yesterday’s strip why Barney Google was just following Snuffy around while Snuffy explained how the hillbillies played pickleball. But with today’s strip, it all came together for me: Snuffy is Barney’s Virgil, leading him through the different levels of hillbilly hell. Today we’ve reached the second circle, where hillbillies who’ve committed the sin of trying to adopt flatlander ways are cursed with eternal injury.” –Thelonious_Nick

“Looks like Coach Thorp is flying a twin-engine Beechcraft Baron. If he owns it, that set him back about $1.5 million. If he’s renting it from the local general aviation airfield, he’s paying maybe $600 an hour. I guess gambling on your own team to consistently lost the playdowns really does pay off.” –Voshkod

“Does the outpost where Crock takes place have running water? That seems unlikely, so the ‘ring in the bathtub’ must be a euphemism for something else. You know what they almost certainly do have there? Dysentery!” –Nekrotzar

“I’ve always rather liked Grossie’s mysterious friend, with her 1950s-Parisian-streetwalker/beleaguered-switchboard-operator vibe, and I can’t decide if it’s tactful or negligent that no one ever mentions the tongue, tumor, or parasitic blobfish on the back of her head.” –Violet

“‘To summer?’ they say, wondering when this strip might actually be published.” –pugfuggly

“The writer of Gasoline Alley has heard of the controversy about ‘AI Art,’ but never bothered to investigate further — I position I frankly respect.” –Ettorre

“When your best lead is that a month ago a couple of U-Hauls came through town, you don’t have any leads.” –jerp+jump

“The horror here is that we’re in the ‘uncanny valley,’ that visceral negative response to a figure that seems ‘almost’ human. But enough about Rufus — that robot seems nice.” –Lawyerbob

“The casual reader looks at these two panels and would logically assume that Rex is getting undressed so he can put on his PJs, but we Curmudgeonites know better — these ARE his PJs. That’s his pajama polo, his ever-so-comfy pajama khakis, and don’t forget the pajama belt, perfect for putting the kibosh on any late night hanky-panky with his cleavage-heavy wife. (We can’t see them in-panel, but I assume he’s just slipped on his pajama Rockports as well, thus completing the pajamensemble.)” –els

“Superior to Rufus? Low bar, ART, low bar.” –But What Do I Know?

“There are many ways to make a fun joke out of mass canine synchronized urination in an unnervingly unnatural-looking park, but this isn’t one of them. No tree has more than one dog pissing on it. Why is this tree so insecure when no dogs are choosing to double up on occupied trees to avoid it? There just aren’t enough dogs! The logic is completely inconsistent and I will not stand for egregious plot holes like this in my dog pee humor.” –jroggs

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