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Heathcliff, 11/5/12

So I’m still trying to get my bearings on Heathcliff? Heathcliff and Marmaduke have different syndicates, but they seem in some ways to be one-panel animal companions — indeed, both have Sunday features (“Kitty Korner” and “Dog Gone Funny,” respectively) where people can write in with very mildly amusing stories about their pets that never seem to involve urine or vomit, unlike most of the pet stories people tell me. Nevertheless, Heathcliff is not a Marmadukean soul-destroying hell-monster, but rather a mid-level thug who lives a self-satisfied and comfortable existence occasionally interrupted (but also at the same time sustained?) by dealing out violence to those who irritate him. Today, though, we see that he’s a lover as well as a fighter, and indeed his erotic life is much stranger than his sadly predictable acts of aggression. While our focus in this panel is rightly on the cat that’s tongue-kissing a kitchen appliance, we should also spare a thought for the human woman who regards this sordid little scene and reacts not with disgust or bafflement but instead with a sort of wistful jealousy.

Funky Winkerbean, 11/5/12

Oh no … the heavy-lidded grin … the admission that he’s had time to prepare a response on this topic … the opportunity to set the record straight on the importance of sequential art as a means of serious expression … WE ARE APPROACHING FUNKY WINKERBEAN SMUG LEVEL ALPHA, REPEAT, SMUG LEVEL ALPHA … TAKE SHELTER WHERE AVAILABLE … MAY GOD HAVE MERCY ON YOUR SOULS

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Archie, 11/4/12

So my expectations for comic strip attention to detail are low enough that I actually felt compelled to mentally double-check the math here to make sure that it adds up. Which it does! I suppose you’d expect proper accounting from an enterprise that is meticulous about not infringing on Kellogg’s® Pop-Tart® branding identity without permission.

Luann, 11/4/12

Sorry, I know I should be grappling with the gross “marriage is an endless series of point-scoring exercises in which menfolk attempt to minimize work and maximize sexual benefits” message of today’s strip, but I’m far too grossed out on a much more visceral level by Brad’s grinning offer to vacate himself and his sister from the premises so his parents can have sex as loudly as they want.

Crankshaft, 11/4/12

Say, let’s check in to make sure that everyone in the Funkyverse still engages in desperate, anxious magical thinking in order to stave off the ever-looming spectre of death. Yep, all systems are still go!

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Gil Thorp, 11/3/12

Boring as the current Gil Thorp storyline has been, it at least has kept me guessing. Mostly those guesses have been along the lines of “OK, now it’s going to be about something other than Terry Gallagher becoming a manufactured Milford celebrity more or less on the whims of two other ill-defined random dudes, right? How about … now? Or, now? Nope, still about that, huh.” But also I’m confused as to how the plot’s going to end, though I think today’s strip seems to set things up for the traditional narrative of hubris followed by destruction. How else are we to interpret the final panel of today’s strip, in which Terry is paraded about the stadium like a Celtic God in the back of a chariot, one of his women at his side (oh, he’s making out with multiple girls, FYI), receiving the fist-pumping adulation of thousands? Oh, it’s going to turn ugly for Terry Gallagher. Ugly indeed. (Just kidding, probably he’s going to just get yelled at by his makeout partners and Milford won’t make the playdowns and he’ll smile and say something wry.)

Dick Tracy, 11/3/12

Dick Tracy has been lighter on the graphic, brutal violence since the reboot, but it still has its high points! I like the fact that the little arrow-box, a classic Dick Tracy device, is being used to make sure you realize that yes, that ash-like material Sparkle Plenty scooped out from under the flames in the stove is in fact hot ash, and that right now Measles’ already scarred flesh is being horribly burned. We’ve actually seen Gertie sneaking up on him with an ax for the last couple days, so at least the exact form of horrible pain Measles is suffering has come as surprise!

Archie, 11/3/12

Ha ha, that Mr. Lodge sure does get mad at Archie! Who knows whether it’s because he’s poor or he’s ginger or he wants to touch Veronica’s lady parts or he’s just kind of a jackass, but whatever the case, we now know that Mr. Lodge thinks of Archie as a mere object, a subhuman “it,” to be destroyed without a second thought when the time is right. Enjoy your next visit to stately Lodge Manor, Archie! It will be your last.