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Hope your are enjoying your weekend so far, all! Here, enjoy this comment of the week:

“Archie’s core audience is so old that they remember when literacy was the norm.” –Droopy Says

And your runners up! Very funny!

“Wow, a hot young naked blonde with such bad daddy issues that she actually sings about them? When June isn’t looking, Rex is gonna get all over that! (By which I mean, of course, he’ll grumpily demand that she leave the premises.)” –BigTed

“Is that kid leaking oil in panel 3 of Gil Thorp? That helps explain the cross-cultural parenting styles, at least. Americans have perfected the ‘teenager’ through robotic engineering! USA! USA!” –Greg

“And when I say ‘this helmet’ I mean, of course, ‘that helmet.’ I’ve taken so many rocks to the head already I’ve lost the ability to properly use demonstrative adjectives.” –DaveyK

“Say, Mr. F, you ever notice how me and your drunk neighbor look basically identical? I mean, to the point where his wife might not even notice if he were, say, crushed into a tiny cube and buried deep in a landfill, while a deservingly hard-working blue-collar joe took over his life and identity? Not that I’d try anything like that, of course … Is she hot?” –damanoid

“Dawn, don’t go searching for yourself. We know you and you won’t like what you find.” –Honey Badger, Does not give a shit

“That band-aid on his left cheek indicates that Billy’s attackers let up for a little while and gave him some basic medical attention before resuming their vicious beatdown, most likely to prolong his suffering (and thus their amusement). Still, that he kicked his assailants in the nuts so many times that his left foot is so swollen that it no longer fits its shoe (yet he walks on it without seeming difficulty) is a testament to Billy’s fighting spirit. I can’t help but feel admiration for all parties to this fray.” –Ray Sharky

“To be fair to Hi and Lois, even if I worked in newspapers, I wouldn’t actually read one.” –AndyL

“Greg, man of a thousand slightly different noses.” –Holly Folly

“I’m more worried about Archie’s double black armbands than I am about his illiteracy. Mrs. Grundy is cruelly neglecting Archie’s grief, and even his classmates are laughing at him. Archie tries to smile, but the tears still flow. Well, shoot out of his ears, anyway.” –The Grim Spectre of Food

“Ha! It’s funny because God no longer has a defined benefit pension either!” –Nekrotzar

“I’m pretty sure 65 bucks for all the steak Jughead can eat is the deal of the fucking century.” –Doctor Handsome

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Archie, 9/28/12

Rarely have I ever wanted to know more about the backstory to a two-panel Archie newspaper comic rerun from the mid-to-late ’90s than I do today. Based on this snooty waiter’s fancy outfit, I’m assuming our Riverdale teens have decided to skip Pop’s today and instead test their culinary palette at some upscale dining establishment. (They’re clearly so used to eating at the diner counter that they’ve gathered awkwardly on one side of the table.) But why? And now that they’re here, do they feel underdressed or otherwise class-anxious, or are they oblivious to the socioeconomic factors at play? And then of course there’s the question of whether Chez Elitist has a fancy-food buffet at fancy-food prices, or if the waiter is just attempting to get Archie and the gang to finally feel shame by shoving their proletarian desires to gorge themselves in their faces, hoping they’ll slink out without further embarrassing the swells.

Apartment 3-G, 9/28/12

I’m really sorry I didn’t discuss yesterday’s Apartment 3-G, in which Lu Ann spent a languorous bubble bath thinking about her date with Greg, because if I had I’d have more context for talking about how very rapidly this strip is turning into a porno — specifically, if Evan’s stiff, awkward posture is any indication, a porno acted out entirely by Barbie and Ken dolls wearing the least interesting outfits that Mattel sells.

Family Circus, 9/28/12

“I glad God hasn’t disappeared in a puff of my own doubts yet, leaving me bereft of moral purpose and unable to come up with any course of action beyond one that indulges my most immediate and basest desires!”

Luann, 9/28/12

Guys, what do you suppose it’s like, spending time and effort to draw a sexy teenage girl, lavishing loving detail on her revealing clothes and her cleavage and crotch, then creating a storyline for her that aims to prove that she deserves ill treatment because of the sexy way you drew her? Probably pretty exhausting, right?

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Mary Worth, 9/27/12

Haha, Dawn isn’t even making a pretense anymore that her hospital volunteering stint is about leading a more fulfilling or spiritually rewarding life or whatever. You’d think she’d give Mary some kind of boilerplate lead-in about how “helping others is the highest reward blah blah blah” before launching into “LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT JIM THE SEXY AMPUTEE.”

Her new obsessions and her tendency to become monomaniacal about boys may explain the shocking scene here, in which Dawn is grabbing a steaming, fresh-from-the-oven pie plate with her bare hands, with a flimsy paper towel not even covering the entire hot surface. “At last,” she cries, as the odor of bubbling, searing hand-flesh fills Mary’s kitchen, “I won’t remind Jim of what he lost every time I reach to pick up a fork or salt shaker! We’ll be able to meet as equals!” (As you can see in panel two, Mary’s own hands are protected by long gloves made out of human skin.)

Archie, 9/27/12

So … the joke is that, while a teenager might accidentally use a homophone in casual writing, an adult would not? Because, as an occasionally professional editor-type person, let me assure you that there is a flaw in the assumptions here.

Ziggy, 9/27/12

Ziggy’s cat and Ziggy’s fish are sad, because they’re in love and their dreams of someday having a litter-school of cat-fish hybrid horror-children of their own has just been crushed.