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Herb and Jamaal, 9/26/12

How much salt do you generally consume when someone plays the old “salt in the sugar bowl” trick on you? Like, significantly less than a spoonful, most of which you end up spitting out because whatever you intended to put sugar on tastes repulsive with salt on it, right? Can you imagine how many times someone would have to do this to you to cause any real increase in your blood pressure? Like, every day, for years. It’s actually much more likely that Jamaal’s blood pressure is up because his business partner and supposed best friend is a vicious prankster, and it’s extremely stressful wondering when the next “hilarious” gag will cause him physical discomfort and/or bodily harm.

Family Circus, 9/26/12

Good lord, what sort of violent, Keane-persecuting hellscape lies outside the walls of the Kompound? Quick, everyone, let’s seal ourselves in the basement! It’s the only way to be safe!

Hi and Lois, 9/26/12

Hey, everybody, it’s a Curtis-Hi and Lois crossover! Because if there’s one thing we all associate with Curtis, it’s the meticulous curation of unopened classic toys. Remember, there’s no better way to tip your hat to your fellow cartoonists than to use one of their character designs but then completely ignore any of the personality traits they’ve developed for that character!

Apartment 3-G, 9/26/12

“Right here, just below my eyeball. Remember, Greg, this is the most erotic spot on a woman’s face. Now lick it. LICK IT!” Ladies, Lu Ann is showing how you can ensure that a date’s refusal to come up to your apartment won’t be so polite next time.

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Hi and Lois, 9/25/12

Children, acting as canary consumers in our nation’s media landscape coal mine, stopped reading newspapers long ago, so syndicated comics artists are free to run out the clock on the remainder of the newspaper industry’s lifespan without having to cater to the delicate sensibilities of sheltered, modern-day youth. This means, among other things, that “Thirsty” Thurston is being reclaimed as the lovable drunk that he was originally conceived of being, back in the day when alcoholism was a quirky affectation rather than a terrible disease and crippling social problem. Having already filled his garage with beer and gotten bombed at lunch right in front of a co-worker, Thirsty is now just drunkenly stumbling around first thing in the morning, wearing a filthy shirt (no doubt befouled by his own sick) and scattering his empties around the neighborhood so as not to further humiliate his wife.

Archie, 9/25/12

There’s a lot I don’t understand about the set-up to this strip — is “downtown” not considered part of Riverdale? wasn’t the Interstate Highway pretty much built out years ago, especially in dense city centers? — but the punchline makes total sense to me. Ha ha, Archie is hated by the inhabitants of his home town, who pelt him with rocks whenever they see him!

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Mark Trail, 9/24/12

I had almost forgotten that Rusty had blabbed to Cherry and Doc about the sheep-killing miscreants, which I think is understandable because it’s natural to assume that even Rusty’s adopted family would want to keep interactions with him to a minimum. But anyway, this explains my initial confusion at Cherry calling the men stealing away her ward as “poachers” rather than, say, “kidnappers.”

Though considering the Trails’ wildlife focus and their apparent refusal to legally adopt Rusty or send him off to school or anything one normally does with a child, perhaps poaching is a good word for what Cherry thinks is happening here. “Oh, no, those poachers have got the Rusty! It’s a particularly ugly specimen so it’s not much of a trophy, but its pelt and gallbladder could probably sell for good money on the black market.”

Gil Thorp, 9/24/12

Whoah, you guys, it turns out that Irish people don’t just call cookies “biscuits”; they also have different parenting styles! I see some cross-cultural misunderstanding hijinks in the making here. Is the lesson of this fall plot going to be “American teens have their souls crushed because their parents don’t want them to die” or “foreigners don’t love their children enough to smother them”? Or will we lose interest three quarters of the way through the season when the Mudlarks make a half-assed run at the playdowns?

Marmaduke, 9/24/12

I have to admit, I’ve been reading Marmaduke for years and never knew that the next-door neighbor guy’s name was “Snyder.” Do you think that’s always been the case or that the cartoonist finally decided to give him a distinct identity within the strip? Oh, also, the dark light of a thousand demons is about to start radiating out of Marmaduke’s skull, so all humans need to cower indoors if they want to survive.