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Pluggers, 2/25/12

When I was in college I had a big thing for a Catholic girl and one week I went to church with her (ROMANTIC PRO TIP: This very rarely works) and it was a typically crunchy collegiate parish and at one point the bearded priest busted out an acoustic guitar and we got a folk-rock version the Lord’s Prayer and all I could think was “Oh my God, Mel Gibson was right.” Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that I feel you, my cranky plugger friend! And I’m not ashamed to say it!

Mary Worth, 2/25/12

More proof that Nola is being unfairly depicted as the villain in this story! Obviously in whatever badly decorated office this is the well-known rules of engagement are that one sleeps one’s way to the top. It’s probably right there in the HR manual! Our catty duo knows that they’d do the same if only they were endowed with the sexy gams and malleable face of their rival.

Crankshaft, 2/25/12

So Crankshaft was inducted into the local sports hall of fame to his great delight, but for some reason this week the plot took a turn and was suddenly about how this one-armed reporter we’d never seen before accidentally wrote and published an obituary for this other guy we’ve never seen before, which, weird and not-funny as it is, is surely better than seeing Crankshaft enjoy anything.

Marmaduke, 2/25/12

Don’t be ungrateful! It’s polite of Marmaduke to shake your hand before he brutally dismembers you, just as it’s polite of him to have dug graves for your various body parts rather than just leaving them strewn about the yard.

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RIGHT NOW! HERE IT IS! YOUR COMMENT OF THE WEEK!

“If there’s any one superhero who can deal with a nap-related crisis, it’s Spider-Man!” –Effluvius Erratus

And your very funny runners up!

“At first I’d assumed the Momma comic was a reference to Clint Eastwood’s Super Bowl commercial for Chrysler. Then I realized that that doesn’t make sense and isn’t funny, which means I was probably right.” –Cayuga

“Where’s the beret and the two-foot long cigarette holder? How am I supposed to know this fellow is in The Industry???” –bats :[

“Wait. Did Mark just engage in human contact?” –Faoladh

“Nola may think’s she’s been promoted, but actually her desk has been placed so suffocatingly close to the wall behind her that she’ll never be able to escape from her office-chair, and will probably eventually die of thirst. On some level, even Nola seems to accept that this is the just wages of her harlotry. ‘I’ve earned this office,’ she tells herself with weary resignation. ‘Come, kindly death.'” –Higgs Boatswain

“I pray that the Exposition Twins follow Nola around for the rest of this storyline, whispering asides to each other from the shadows: ‘There goes Nola! Into the john to eliminate feces!’ ‘I can’t believe the size of the bran muffin and coffee that led to this bowel movement!'” –KreatureFeatures

“So, for the nursery, I was thinking of a large Scarface poster and stacking up a bunch of empty liquor bottles in the windows so everyone else on campus can knows how much me and the baby love to party. Does that sound close to correct?” –Chareth Cutestory

“Don’t let this sissy teddy bear fool you, Margo! I’m a man, and my wife has the bloated abdomen to prove it!” –bourbon babe, unbuckled

“I thought color-coded ascots were enough to tell the bland, featureless men of A3G apart but having each man carry a stuffed version of his spirit animal is a huge step forward.” –Ed Dravecky

Thanks to all who put some cash into my tip jar! And this is where we’d thank our advertisers — if we had any this week. To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.

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Hagar the Horrible, 2/24/12

It’s sad, but true: If you’re living on the windswept edge of a Norwegian fjord somewhere towards the tail end of the Viking age, a one-room hovel with a thatched roof surrounded by grass poking out of the nutrient-poor soil really does represent “do[ing] rather well for yourself.” At least you don’t live in a mud hut that melts every time it rains! At least you’re not a slave! Still, I’m a little put off by the sign, since Hagar is a known illiterate. But I guess it doesn’t really matter, since most everyone else around is illiterate too! Maybe he forced some terrified monk kidnapped from Lindisfarne to write it for him, just for the status of having writing on his property.

Six Chix, 2/24/12

Meanwhile, over in Six Chix, someone’s been murdered by a comically oversized shoe, apparently! I, uh, have no real way of dealing with this. Enjoy your weekend, everybody!