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Mark Trail, 4/30/12

I would like to hereby apologize for disparaging the quality of the violence in the current Mark Trail storyline last week. The lackluster bludgeoning on Friday was clearly just a set-up for this fully awesome scene of Andy suddenly transforming from a cheerful, happy companion to a slavering vicious attack hound at Mark’s command. Do you think Mark saw that the marijuana grower was growing marijuana with a gun in his hand? If so, we must assume that he knows that any bullet fired from such a feeble pistol would simply bounce harmlessly off Andy’s massive skull. It’s not like he would ever put his best friend in danger, after all!

Family Circus, 4/30/12

The key to understanding this panel is Jeffy’s expression of heavy-lidded boredom. “Mommy always looks great, and yet society’s crushingly unrealistic expectations about female body types can cause her to spiral into an emotional tailspin when that cheap scale tells here she’s gained only a few pounds. I’d rage against the patriarchy, but I’m just too exhausted by the efforts I make to comfort her, efforts that always fall short.”

Apartment 3-G, 4/30/12

Kudos to Apartment 3-G for being so sensitive as to keep all intimate, interesting details about the death of Nina’s mother off-panel. Sure, letting us in on this information would have made the storyline more engaging, but at what emotional cost to its fictional characters?

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Mary Worth, 4/29/12

The greatest thing about Mary Worth … wait, no, scratch that, there are so many great things about Mary Worth, how can I be expected to choose? Ahem, let me start over. One of the great things about Mary Worth is how each storyline begins with limitless possibilities of amazingness. These are generally swept away by a tide of painful boring, but it’s fun to imagine at the beginning where it’ll go, and once in a while you do get an Aldo-style payoff. Anyway, right now I’m hoping that against all odds the Gina-Bobby star-crossed love story will suddenly become an Agatha Christie-style locked room mystery in this mysterious mansion. “Is all this yours?” “Ha-ha … no! It belongs to a friend of ours, mysterious benefactor who specifically requested that we gather a demographically heterogeneous group of people, each with a dark secret that will come out at some point during the proceedings, for a ‘special announcement!'”

Your first clue: this Long Island manse has the Spanish-tile roof that we see everywhere in Mary’s West Coast home. Did she ever really leave California at all? Or did her flight out, which was full of trippy visuals, all happen in her own head? Prepare to have your mind blown at the shocking conclusion! Or maybe Bobby and Gina will just announce their engagement at their friend’s house and then Mary will go back home, that seems more likely.

Marvin, 4/29/12

Whatever you think about Marvin’s relentless and repulsive obsessions, you have to credit the strip for using the entire space the Sunday format provides to set up this “Marvin enjoys wetting himself” joke.

Hi and Lois, 4/29/12

Hi and Lois sure has been leaning heavily late on the Thirsty and Irma sure do hate each other schtick. That all ends today in spectacular fashion as Irma beats her husband to death with a broom handle, while a horrified Lois watches and tries to figure out how not to be arrested as an accessory to murder.

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Funky Winkerbean, 4/28/12

Quick Funky recap: Those anonymous replies to Cody’s texts weren’t from Summer, they were from his friend, not because his friend was in love with him, but because he too was hot for summer, but then Summer was seen flirting with some jock, the end, OH BUT WAIT, Cody got some more anonymous texts which he’s deleting and which — SHOCKING REVELATION — come from some blonde girl in the background of panel three who I don’t know who she is? Now everyone loves someone who doesn’t love them back, and the cycle of Funkyverse pain is complete. Mostly this story has made me think that it was originally written with anonymous paper notes in mind and then there was a sudden realization that “Oh crap kids use the texting now, right?” and then “notes” became “texting” even though that made everything make little to no sense.

Mark Trail, 4/28/12

So, violence has broken out in Mark Trail, but does anyone else find this a little anticlimactic? Mark doesn’t get off any awkward bon mots or even use his fists, but rather just knocks out Drug Guy #1 with a desultory WHAP to the back of the head. I know, I know, Drug Guy #2 is still out there, waiting to be dealt with in hilarious ways, I should just be patient.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 4/28/12

The tale of the Sexy Half-Naked Drunken Houseguest is not turning out to be anticlimactic at all, though! I love that Rex and June have their own little code word for “Make sure that lady doesn’t drink all the off-brand liquor we have in the cabinet.”

Apartment 3-G, 4/28/12

“TELL ME EVERYTHING YOU KNOW,” Nina’s father orders Tommie. “How can we use your knowledge to get Nina back together with the husband who betrayed her so she can be in an intact marriage when she gives birth to the baby she never wanted? HER HAPPINESS DEPENDS ON IT.”