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Mark Trail, 2/21/12

“Oh, crap, we have to depict someone who works in the entertainment industry. Does anyone know what those people look like? Uh, let’s go with Charles Nelson Reilly circa 1974, that sounds about right.”

I was going to suggest that “Where is this miracle animal? I’m anxious to get started! You know me, Mark, I’m in and out!” was the day’s most hilarious unintentional soap strip double entendre…

Gil Thorp, 2/21/12

But then I saw “He rides me like a donkey then acts like he’s my pal.” Ha ha, if Coach Thorp thinks Parker is sad now, wait until he gets Milford’s only basically legal tattoo parlor shut down! There will be so many bitter tears!

Mary Worth, 2/21/12

LOOK OUT MARY NOLA CAN HEAR YOUR THOUGHTS THROUGH THE PHONE OH MY GOD SHE’S A MUTANT WITH MENTAL POWERS WE’RE ALL DOOMED SHE ALWAYS GETS WHAT SHE WANTS

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Funky Winkerbean, 2/20/12

Hey, something good appears to be happening to characters in Funky Winkerbean! So why is everybody reacting to this news with facial expressions that range from very slight smiles to deep concern? Presumably because they know that nothing good actually happens to characters in Funky Winkerbean. That’s the science class in panel two, and these nerdlingers are well acquainted with the Funkyverse’s Law of Conservation of Misery: if something good happens, it will either set up something worse happening later (e.g., the girls’ team’s loss in the championship will be much more agonizing than another mediocre season that raises nobody’s expectations) or will result in something terrible happening elsewhere (e.g., the girls return with their championship trophy only to find that terrorists have killed everyone at the school and left the building a flaming ruin).

Marvin, 2/20/12

I don’t think you’ve got that quite right, Roy! If Jeff really wanted you out of the house, he’d teach you how to use Craigslist, since no legit jobs actually advertise in the primitive “newspaper” anymore. Presumably he’s going through the motions of handing you the paper to emphasize that he doesn’t actually like you, but is trying to keep you around because you’re one additional target for Marvin to irritate and/or puke on.

Momma, 2/20/12

So, uh, yeah, what do you suppose is going on here?

• Momma is a resident of Carmel-by-the-Sea, California, and this strip is taking place in 1986
• Momma doesn’t follow politics but does vaguely remember that Clint Eastwood ran for office once, and she also considers him a better age-appropriate sex fantasy than Ron Paul
• Momma is disgusted with all politicians and wishes that Dirty Harry would shoot each of them one by one with his .44 magnum
• Momma is old and kind of demented and just saying stuff

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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 2/19/12

You know how I pedantically insist on calling this strip “Barney Google and Snuffy Smith,” even though original main character Barney Google hasn’t appeared in it in years, having long ago helped it transition from “Roaring Twenties City Lowlife Humor” to “Depression-Era Hillbilly Humor”? Well, hold onto your hats because Barney’s back, baby. He isn’t named here but you can tell by his goo-goo-googly eyes (and a quick Google Image search).

I was thinking that Barney’s visit to Hootin’ Holler would be a happy occasion full of mischief and hijinks, but then it occurred to me: how bad must things be in the flatlands to get a fancy fellow like Barney to flee up to this impoverished rathole? He’s probably just a few hours ahead of the roving cannibal gangs. And the rest of Sunday’s comics weren’t that much cheerier!

Panel from Slylock Fox, 2/19/12

Like, things are getting pretty grim down at the trailer park! With the nearby forest having been stripped bare (you can see one of the sad few remaining trees in the background), the local mobile home denizens have resorted to burning their own furniture for heat. Or, in Reeky’s case, other people’s furniture.

Six Chix, 2/19/12

Over in Six Chix, a child’s penchant for thoughtless violence has angered a species of advanced aliens with the capability of interstellar flight. Best-case scenario: Our conquest and enslavement. Worst-case scenario: Earth vaporized by a powerful space-based death-ray.

Curtis, 2/19/12

And in Curtis, we learn that Gunther’s spacey bonhomie masks a deep and unshakeable longing for death.