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Mark Trail, 4/22/13

Mark and Wes are off to go “look at some sheep” (if you know what I mean) (and I think you do) (I’m talking about sex with sheep) and they’re a little worried about leaving the ladies alone! Don’t fret, fellas, they’ll be fine, just fine, having a grand old time stone cold shooting at things. Better make a lot of noise as you approach the camp when you come back! They might get a little trigger happy (if you know what I mean) (and I think you do) (I’m talking about them getting crazed with bloodlust and pumping anything that moves full of hot lead).

Apartment 3-G, 4/22/13

Margo usually doesn’t think about niceties like “sleep” or “working tomorrow” when there’s a hot piece of duly elected man meat in her sights, but for once she’s sticking to the girl-bro code. She and Lu Ann promised each other they’d double-team the governor, and she’s not going in alone!

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 4/22/13

Man, even the butterflies are aggressive and foul-mouthed in Hootin’ Holler.

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Mary Worth, 4/21/13

Oh, look, Tom, who met Beth once at a group dinner and hasn’t been able to talk to her since, is already planning on making her his partner in his “life’s journey”! No, that’s not creepy at all, and the “journey” in question certainly isn’t to the beautiful flying saucer where his real people live, and the “journey” certainly isn’t initiated by drinking the Mystical Journey Juice (one part vodka, four parts Drano, dash of bitters). This shopping trip will be fine, just fine! Oh, also Tom, you’re a divorcé, not a “bachelor,” FYI.

Funky Winkerbean, 4/21/13

“All right, Les, you’re writing a made-for-cable movie here, so you need overwrought, emotionally manipulative dialogue that no human would actually say … come on, you can do it … YES! NAILED IT!”

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Wizard of Id, 4/20/13

Apologies to any all Garys who currently live in Utah and are I’m sure perfectly nice people, but isn’t it likely that a reference to “Gary in Utah” by the people of a certain age who run the longstanding Wizard of Id comic strip is in fact a reference to the most famous Utah-associated Gary? In other words, the creators of Wizard of Id would like to see fans of any other pop cultural phenomenon that threatens their dominance of the “wizard” brand lined up against a wall and shot! When you look at the strip through this lens, the misspelling of Gandalf’s name isn’t so much a matter of “nobody involved in this process could bother to spend 15 fucking seconds double-checking on the Internet” and more a deliberate snub.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 4/20/13

Oh, thank goodness, we’re back to the really important Rex Morgan plotline: June’s insatiable hunger. When will she finally get to eat waffles? How many will die, for getting in between her and some waffles? How horrible will their deaths be? Next week’s going to be awesome!