Mark Trail, 12/13/11
Hey, guys, Mark Trail has a superpower! With a single command, he can turn lovable domesticated dogs into slavering attack-beasts that can take on a whole pack of wolves. It doesn’t matter if they have adorable names like “Andy” and “Princess!” They will be unstoppable!
Ziggy, 12/13/11
It’s true: Ziggy has always been a hairless, squat, pantsless, joy-killing gnome-thing, ever since the beginning of time.
Gil Thorp, 12/12/11
Oh, man, is this winter’s Gil Thorp plot really going to be about vaguely shady tattoo artists who give tattoos to minors, which may or may not be illegal, depending on what state Milford is supposed to be in? Actually, more than the applicable laws and tattoo parlor licensure guidelines, I’m more concerned about our tattooists’ terribly ill-conceived marketing strategy. In my experience, the last people who want to emulate teen fashion are twentysomethings, since they were teenagers themselves relatively recently and are quite busy fashioning themselves as cool adults and have zero interest in being mistaken for some dumb kid in high school. No, you really have to be well into your forties before it seems like a good idea to recapture your youth by getting a tattoo at a place recommended by your 16-year-old nephew.
On the bright side, when Soul Patch and Facial Tattoo are engaging in evil plotting, they’re taking panel time away from Gil and Kaz blathering on about how they need more depth at guard or whatever.
Spider-Man, 12/12/11
I’ve always assumed the one of the main purposes of the newspaper Spider-Man comic strip is to remind newspaper readers that Spider-Man and other Marvel properties exist, and have adventures in various media formats, and that you can enjoy those adventures if you pay Marvel and its distribution partners money. But, considering the Thor movie came out in May and the DVD came out in September and we’re just now getting a Thor plot, it appears that the newspaper Spider-Man strip is just as incompetent at its job as its hero as it his.
Dick Tracy, 12/12/11
Flattop (or Putty Puss made up as Flattop, or whatever the hell is going on here) has moved from new wave ’80s hits back to the ’70s, as he now sings “Disco Inferno” while attempting to fill our hero with hot lead. I’m reassured that Dick is completely unfamiliar with the lyrics to these extremely popular song; it’s a well known fact that the music industry is dominated by communists and degenerates, and it’s best to avoid the radio altogether as a result.
Six Chix, 12/12/11
I’m all in favor of composting and everything, but I do think this strip has hilariously captured the facial expression and body posture you’d expect from someone who just accidentally stuck her hand into a jar full of rotting garbage.
Slylock Fox, 12/12/11
Not gonna lie to you: My first guess was that the this mystery would hinge on some obscure fact about the urinary habits of alligators, and I was pretty disappointed when it didn’t.
Apartment 3-G, 12/11/11
As usual, Sunday’s A3G just rehashes the plot from the previous week, but it’s still worth lingering over, not least because it showcases the disturbing truth about this storyline: that Lu Ann has, through at least two engagements, still been legally married. I mean, surely she’d written Gary off as dead in her head for years, but unless she or the military moved to have him declared legally dead … then she’s still married, right? Even One-Armed Becky in Funky Winkerbean waited until her missing husband was (incorrectly) declared dead before moving on. The fun potential upshot of this is that maybe Paul’s creepy dad was right to freak out about Lu Ann’s marriage certificate, if there was no legal indication that her marriage was over.
Even better than all that, of course, is the fact that Margo is “blah, blah, blah”ing her way through the letter from the Air Force about Lu Ann’s dead husband. Hey, doesn’t the military usually send someone in person to tell you your loved one has been killed? It would have been fun if two uniformed airmen had come to the apartment and Margo had been there as they launched into their spiel and said “Yadda yadda yadda, boys, get to the point, we don’t have all day.”
Spider Man, 12/11/11
Just another Sunday of non-heroics, from … the Amazing Spider-Man!!!! When law enforcement can’t keep the streets safe, he will! But law enforcement actually does a pretty good job, most of the time, so he’ll just continue to enjoy a pleasant Sunday with his wife and aunt, thanks.
Panel from Dick Tracy, 12/11/11
If you’ve ever said to yourself, “Enh, I’m not going to give the new revamped Dick Tracy a chance until it inexplicably includes a panel featuring a villain quoting from Men Without Hats’ 1982 smash hit ‘Safety Dance,'” then you are officially out of excuses, my friend.