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Apartment 3-G, 12/21/11

Aww, Lu Ann as earned herself a little post-engagement-breaking-off aimless wandering/thought ballooning. Naturally, I’m EXTREMELY hesitant to argue with any sentence that starts with “Maybe Margo was right all along,” but … maybe the adjective you’re thinking of isn’t “happy” so much as “creepy, controlling, and cult-like”? OK, that’s three adjectives, but you know. Of course, if Lu Ann did fall in love with the entire Linski compound, that’s a sure sign of insanity on her part, so Margo could still be right in that the Lu Ann’s misplaced affections are a sign of her severe emotional problems.

Spider-Man, 12/21/11

“I mean, will this new apartment have a ‘door,’ or one of those fancy new ‘windows’ everyone’s talking about? I know you got a big raise, but this is New York, and real estate is spendy if you want those kinds of amenities.”

Family Circus, 12/21/11

“And I’m not sweet at all! Everyone who’s met me thinks I’m basically intolerable!”

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Beetle Bailey, 12/20/12

I’m not sure which explanation for this cartoon is sadder: that the Walker-Browne Amalgamated Humor Industries LLC creative team couldn’t be bothered to do 30 seconds of Google Image Searching to find out what a stealth fighter actually looks like, or that they think that they’re the first to come up with the idea of a plane with a “special skin that eludes radar detection” and ran off to the patent office immediately after sending this strip to the syndicate.

Marvin, 12/20/12

Oh look, Marvin has decided to join Crankshaft on the ha ha Santa is on the Facebook now get it because the Facebook is popular and it’s Christmas bandwagon! Having read this strip, I now feel that I have to give Crankshaft some credit, as it managed to put together its punchline without actually betraying a complete ignorance of how Facebook actually works.

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Crankshaft, 12/19/11

Reader of the twin Funkyverse strips are well acquainted with the heavy-lidded, soul-dead expression on the face of our young elf in panel two. Usually it’s just a sign that the character has been ground down by these strips’ omnipresent miasma of despair, but here I think it’s supposed to indicate that elf-girl too is part of the detached Facebook generation, as evidenced by the fact that she’s staring at her own phone rather than trying to drum up business with a little holiday showmanship. Her social analysis aside, though, I think it’s more likely that nobody is coming to see Santa because Crankshaft is an hateful jerk and no loving parent would let their children anywhere near him.

Mark Trail, 12/19/11

Somewhere back in the misty beginning of this plotline, Kelly declared that following the golden bible bird bands back to their source “would make a good story!” As it turns out, the gold came from a crappy played-out mine, only one or two bands were ever made, and Honey the Bear wasn’t even that good at fighting off wolves. The only vaguely interesting angle is that Mountie McQueen is allowed to remain a law enforcement officer despite his erratic behavior and hair-trigger temper. As our gang gathers around the table to enjoy something indeterminate and loaf-life, I think we all have to come up to terms with the fact that Kelly Welly’s journalistic instincts aren’t actually very keen.

Six Chix, 12/19/11

Yeah, so, long story short, Mrs. Claus is keeping tabs on your internet pornography habits.