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Spider-Man, 10/2/11

I’m pretty sure a thought balloon containing the phrase “I hadn’t thought this through!” ought in the interest of accuracy to be hovering over Spider-Man’s head in each and every installment of the newspaper Spider-Man strip in which he appears. Hope you’re proud of the generation of wheelchair-bound cop-hating scofflaws you’re about to unleash on the world, Spidey!

Pluggers, 10/2/11

God damn it, this mildly racy pun has forced me to hold the concepts of “breasts” and “pluggers” in my mind simultaneously, if only briefly. This has I suppose increased my awareness of cancer, as the resulting emotion is a metaphorical cancer upon my very soul.

Panel from Mary Worth, 10/2/11

Huh, so straight female pro soccer fans are more sexually aggressive than the gay male ones? Mary Worth: always teaching me fun facts!

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Family Circus, 10/1/11

I like the looks of stunned incomprehension on the kids’ faces in this cartoon. “Is she … is she trying to make some kind of football reference? Like, we’re going to snap the ball and … eat … lunch? That doesn’t really work the way she thinks it does.” Add in the fact that the kids aren’t even in mid-play — Billy’s already taking off his helmet, PJ looks like he was less “playing football” and more just “rolling around in mud,” and Dolly is standing by demurely with her hands crossed, as any proper young lady should in the presence of roughhousing — and we can see this as the first of no doubt many doomed, tin-eared attempts by Ma Keane to be a “cool mom.”

Apartment 3-G, 10/1/11

Ha ha, what a great encapsulation of all that’s insane and wonderful about the current Lu Ann romance storyline. Paul’s parents worry that it won’t work out between Lu Ann and their son because they’re opposites — you know, a dumb blond who lives in a densely populated city on the west side of the Hudson and a dumb blonde who lives in a densely populated city on the east side of the Hudson. Oh, and also Paul is very close to his parents, while Lu Ann hates hers, which is all the opposite these two need, because the #1 thing to know about someone is whether or not they hate their parents. Then we segue into some hottt Linksi sex talk, rawr!

Archie, 10/1/11

Mr. Lodge is a master of psychological warfare; unable to prevent his daughter for dating the hated Archie, he’ll seek to dehumanize the poor lad by only referring to him as “it.”

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Guys, it’s come to my attention that some of you are unconvinced that a professional soccer player would have so many groupies that he’d need his manager to screen them. Faithful reader Gal Friday points out that there’s an entire Website dedicated to hot soccer-playin’ dudes, the name of which is suspiciously similar to Kicking It. Also, if Bobby rejects Gina, maybe he she could purchase the affections of a member of Chivas USA.

Also, several faithful readers drew my attention to this story about the most depressing comic strips. Funky Winkerbean isn’t even on the list!

Anyway, now it’s time for your comment of the week:

“The funny poo says: ‘Thank you … I’ll be here all week. No, really. Ziggy’s toilet is broken.'” –Mark B

And your runners up! Very funny!

“‘Do you like it, Lu Ann?’ ‘Do I like what?’ These words will be repeated on their honeymoon.” –Pozzo

“Meanwhile, in Apartment 3G, we learn the only thing whiter and blander than Paul and Lu Ann are the houses they live in.” –bbofun

“I find it hard to believe that Tommie and Lu Ann count for just as many ‘G’ as Mighty Margo does. I’d say Margo is about 2.5 G all by herself, leaving Tommie with (say) 0.3 G and Lu Ann with 0.2 G, so if Lu Ann moves out they will only have to move slightly to one side into Apartment 2.8-G.” –Shrug

“I’m not buying Rex’s incredulous unfamiliarity with the notion of cutting, partly because he’s a trained medical professional but mainly because I refuse to believe he watches any fewer Lifetime movies than I do.” –Violet

“Apparently in high school football it’s totally legal to karate chop an opposing team player’s knee tendons with your … wait, is that his left or his right hand? Wtf?” –sporknpork

“What if Marty Moon is a disgruntled call center helpline operator? ‘Paris keeps around left end … he’s in!’ ‘Uhm, can you tell me why my computer doesn’t boot up?'” –Dood

“Ha ha! God pisses on your Lisa Worship. ‘What part of “You shall have no other gods besides me” do you not understand?'” –Little Guy

“Seriously, pluggers are held together with carpenter’s glue, prescription meds, spit, and misplaced down-homey smugness.” –Nervous Newbie

“I’m wondering why Carla looks so sad in the last panel. Ha Ha, just kidding! How else would she be allowed to look? Sad and smug are the only authorized emotions in this strip, and Les has claimed the smug quota for the next 175 years.” –A New Day

“The real joke here is the suggestion that Marvin will ever, ever be potty-trained. The moment he started eliminating waste discreetly and uneventfully, the strip would go from reprehensibly lazy to completely unsustainable.” –Mollie

“FLDS compound! Wait till she meets his other wives. Oh yeah, the reunion. She probably has.” –Snowshoecat

“KickingIt Magazine sounds uncomfortably like a deathstyle guide for would-be suicides.” — T Campbell

“The ‘hotel chocolates’ that Mr. Fulton gave Ditto were actually miniature bars of soap. It was worth a shot.” –Lorne

“I believe Ditto is just out casing a few houses, using a pretext only his senile neighbors would believe. ‘Gee, Mr. Wavering, you say it isn’t halloween? That’s weird … Hey, that’s a nice coin set. Are those real silver dollars?'” –pugfuggly

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• Slylock Fox comes to your iPhone: Cartoonist Bob Weber Jr., creator of Slylock Fox and Comics for Kids now offers his spot-the-difference game to you on the iPhone and iPad. Bob has selected 50 spot-the-difference panels for this initial app release. There is also a free “lite” version.

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