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Many of you may be aware of [Citation Needed], a Tumblr blog showcasing Wikipedia’s worst writing, of which I am one of the two curators (i.e., one of the two guys who finds and posts hilariously bad Wikipedia writing and/or sorts through reader submissions of same). Probably you have been long thinking “I love this Tumblr but I wish it were available in book form, so that I could have it in my bathroom and/or give it to my friends who hate the Internet, and also it should include jokes written by Josh and RiffTrax writer-genius/National High Five Day impresario Conor Lastowka.” Well, my friend, today is your lucky day, and by “today” I mean “today and all subsequent days,” because this book now exists and can be purchased, now and into the indefinite future.

Yes, my friends, this book is now available for purchase at Amazon, in physical or Kindle form! We’ve already rocketed up to 16,506 on the Amazon best-seller list; help us break into quadruple digits! You can also download the first 50 pages of the book in PDF form, if you’re the “try before you buy” type.

Faithful longtime readers, I urge you to help a brother out vis-a-vis this book! Obviously it would be great if you bought it for every single person on your gift list this Chriskwaanzukkah; but, even better, if you have a blog or Twitter or radio show or something that would reach nerds who would enjoy this book, please let those nerds know about it! We are happy to talk with you/write about our love for Wiki-whimsy, at length. Also, if you know of (or, better, own or work at!) a cute little store in your hometown that sells jokey books like this, let me know about it so we can try to pitch them on adding [Citation Needed] to their holiday lineup. (Urban Outfitters, too. Do you know who it is who does the buying for gifty books at Urban Outfitters? That’d be brilliant.)

All [Citation Needed]-related correspondence can be sent to info@citationneededbook.com. Thank you for your time and attention! We now return you to your regularly scheduled comics mocking. Ha ha, Mary Worth, amiright?

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Mary Worth, 10/24/11

Oh look, it appears that, after successfully reuniting, a certain lovestruck couple forgot to pay homage to the woman who made it all possible, in the sense that she suggested to Gina that maybe she ought to seek out the man she loved rather than moping about him constantly. Mary will surely be flabbergasted when she arrives at the diner, only to have the new waitress say, “What, Gina, the one with the hideous ponytail? She quit weeks ago, said something about how she didn’t need this crappy minimum wage job now that she was going to be sexing up her new hot rich athlete boyfriend full-time.”

Of course, you don’t get rid of Mary Worth that easily. One assumes that Mary will be stalking the happy couple (and, by extension, the New York Blazes) across the country, demanding acknowledgement that all their aforementioned happiness derives from her meddling; eventually, the mobsters from whom Gina was fleeing in the first place will be called in, because the only way that true gratitude can be shown is in blood.

Apartment 3-G, 10/24/11

And hey, let’s check in with Tommie! What with all the Lu Ann wedding and Margo art-wrangling excitement, we’ve been ignoring her quest to finally realize her dream as a singing sensation. Hmm, what’s that? She’s failing in that dream, disappointing her mentors and everyone else? Sure, that seems about right.

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You guys, I have promised cute photos of bird bands and I HAVE DELIVERED. Or rather, you have delivered, and I’m just putting them up.

First up is a pic from faithful reader Joe, the Upper Evergreen Guy. His tropical bird had no legs to band, so he was forced to drastic measures.

Faithful reader Beth K. has no bird to band, but does have a remarkably mellow cat to crown.

Renee J’s dog is similarly more tolerant of random objects than most domestic beasts:

“There actually is a population of geese that lives on the pond behind my house,” says faithful reader Esther Blodgett, “but they’re mean SOBs if you aren’t armed with bread crusts and likely would have resisted my efforts to band them. Fortunately, I found this critter in my back yard. He put up a good fight, but I was able to tag him.”

A bird of a different sort was banded up in Alaska:

Faithful reader Baka Gaijin had his own favorite bird in mind for this band:

And faithful reader Jerrod Kingery found his band too hot to handle — literally! Or maybe metaphorically? I dunno. There’s an oven mitt involved, anyway.

Finally, faithful reader Red Greenback banded a Mark Trail action figure (note: not officially licensed) and created his own Unnaturally Large Animal Shot.

Most everyone who’s donated: your band should be winging its way to you right about now, if you haven’t gotten it yet! The last batch is going in the mail tomorrow. One sad note though: some people have found that the devilish machines at the post office have difficulty dealing with the awesomeness of bible bird bands, and are getting envelopes like this:

If this monumental tragedy happens to you, please let me know and send me your address — I have extras and will resend. (If you’ve already told me, your band is going out tomorrow.) Similarly, if your band doesn’t show up by, say, the middle of next week, let me know and I’ll send again.