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Oh, look, I’m getting the COTW out on time for once:

“I don’t see any reason to assume that the liquid falling from Billy’s face is sweat; it could just as easily be tears. With a little imagination, and a willingness to use a red Sharpie on your monitor, it could even be blood.” –ratnerstar

And the runners up! Also hilarious!

“She’s clearly flashing back to her previous life. Pointy black hat, green skin, ‘These things must be handled delicately…’ It’s all coming back to her.” –Spiff Bereft

“Max Mouse may be stupid but at least he understands a suit and cape are inappropriate clothes for hot weather.” –nescio

“Also, ‘dog’s point of view’? Couldn’t B.C. come up with better lie to explain why he was looking at Thor’s balls? (OH MY GOD I STILL KNOW THOSE CHARACTERS’ NAMES. WHY DID I READ B.C. COMICS COLLECTIONS WHEN MY NEURAL NET WAS STILL FORMING AND AT ITS MOST RECEPTIVE? I COULD HAVE LEARNED FRENCH INSTEAD OF THIS POINTLESS CRAP!)” –Lorne

“I imagine that the discussion between writer and artist about portraying Gil’s horrifically unhuman-looking face in today’s second panel went something like this: ‘He’s angry, he’s serious! Draw more lines on his face to show that!’ ‘Uh, he already looks like an alien from Star Trek, so we cou–‘ ‘Shut up. More lines.'” –Alan’s Addiction

“Just look at how happy Petey is!! ‘Sweet, I’ll have a few hours of uninterrupted TV time, then when she comes home, I’ll have the perfect excuse to be whiney and mopey all night!!'” –pugfuggly

“We now know the mystery woman’s name is Susan, but nothing else about her. If they’d just added any reason to care, this would be a textbook example of how to build suspense.” –Some Guy

“Going by today’s installment, it would appear that these pluggers are very nearly if not actually in their nineties, which … the fuck? I would really like to know the precise cocktail of pharmaceuticals and Whoppers that enables these corpulent layabouts to achieve such astonishing longevity. Or is it just hugs from their grandkids? Their AARP-eligible grandkids?” –Violet

“Really, Luann’s ‘villains’ and ‘disreputable’ characters all seem a million times more likeable or at least interesting than any of the alleged heroes. I’d much prefer it if the de Groots and company all moved off to a compound where they could be obnoxious anal-retentives together and left the main strip to the people I don’t hate.” –commodorejohn

“But you have to admit that Brad is cool. Look how he stands there in the last panel with his hand in his pocket, just casually playing with his penis as he gets fired. COOL.” –Greg

“Also, Ziggy is dating his cat.” –Gold-Digging Nanny

Thanks to all who put some cash into my tip jar! And this is where we’d thank our advertisers — if we had any this week. To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.

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Funky Winkerbean, 6/17/11

Oh, look Les’s mopey romantic life has been derailed by comical misunderstanding! Sure, if you actually go back and look at the Les-Susan smooch strip (which I did, because I have a professional obligation and/or hate myself) it doesn’t seem very likely that anyone would have had an opportunity to snap this little pic, but I say if Les is humiliated, all the better. Maybe Keisha was stalking him, in order to defend her mother’s honor, or just because everyone is obsessed with Les for no reason. Maybe Susan had a hidden camera set up for just this reason, and she sent the pic to Keisha when the time was right. The important thing is that finally someone in this strip is going to be suffering in a way that I find enjoyable.

Luann, 6/17/11

Speaking of enjoyable suffering: ha ha, Brad is about to be fired! I’m sure they’ll explain it as “budget cuts,” but it would be great if he were let go because of incompetence, or just because his personality is considered generally unpleasant by the other firefighters. I’ll bet those checks Toni’s brother gets for being in the Le Mis touring company look pretty darn steady now!

Ziggy, 6/17/11

Ziggy’s brought his pet to a restaurant, and his pet has brought vermin into that restaurant, and now that pet is going to disembowel and eat that vermin right at the table. I’m beginning to understand why the waiters in this strip are always so hostile towards Ziggy.

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Panel from Archie, 6/16/11

I’m terrible for not bringing this news to you earlier, but Henry Scarpelli, who for a long time was the artist of the Archie comic strip, died a couple of months ago. (UPDATE: Uh, as many people have pointed out, that article is from April of 2010 — so I have no idea why the art only changed a few months ago. Maybe he had drawn comics months in advance? Som artists do!) I will always have a warm spot in my heart for him because it was he (I assume) who inserted the occasional Archie Joke-Generating Laugh Unit 3000 gag into the strip, possibly without the writer really knowing what was going on.

Since his passing, the syndicate apparently came to the conclusion that, what with the huge backlog of timeless Archie yuks available there’s no real reason to pay anyone to create new ones, and has, I believe, been running older strips from the ’90s, which explains why they’ve been even less in touch with today’s youth than usual. (Please correct me if I’m wrong on this point!) Anyway, the older version of the strip was not created by a cybernetic intelligence, but an all too human individual who, if this panel is any indication, spends his days in an isolated cabin, preparing for the day when he will lead the righteous cleansing of our degenerate nation.

Luann, 6/16/11

Yeah, Toni’s brother sure is flake and a jerk! He’s not a fine, upstanding, responsible person like Brad and Toni are. You can tell they’re upstanding and responsible because they do upstanding and responsible things, like trash Toni’s brother constantly, right in front of his daughter.

Apartment 3-G, 6/16/11

Aw, isn’t this nice, Tommie’s mom has come to visit! Too bad Tommie didn’t get some advanced notice; it’s little embarrassing to have her arrive at 3 p.m. and find her daughter and her roommate lying around in an opium haze.