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Baldo, 8/10/11

It took me a moment to figure out that Baldo is supposed to be embarrassed by his family’s ludicrous outfits. I at first assumed that his father subscribed to some religion that operated in a way that was exactly the opposite of most religions and actively opposed shame on general principles. “Baldo, why do you cover your thighs with your sinfully long shorts? Why do you not show the world your package, like I do in my Speedo? It’s what God wants!”

Judge Parker, 8/10/11

You probably don’t remember, what with the exciting last four months of Judge Emeritus Parker getting everything he wants with no effort on his part, but our gal Sophie has a bit of a romantic conundrum, what with there being a boy that she wants but can’t have because he likes some other girl better. Abbey urged Sophie to study the problem in her analytical, borderline Aspergers way, and now she appears to have come up with a solution. Doesn’t she look like a happy young girl in love with a plan to win over the object of her affection? Sure, if taking out the young man and his girlfriend and all of her other classmates in a hail of bullets counts as “winning.”

Mary Worth, 8/10/11

I’m delighted by how much grown-up Gina’s head in panel one looks exactly the same as little-girl Gina’s head in panel two. I certainly hope that whatever family drama we’re about to see unfold involves her parent’s secret horror and disgust at their daughter’s adult skull, perched unnaturally atop her child’s body.

That dinner scene sure is an accurate depiction of life in a cramped New York apartment, what with everyone sitting around four inches from various items of bedroom furniture.

Ziggy, 8/10/11

I was about to make some comment about how Ziggy’s parrot is a paranoid schizophrenic, ranting about how “they” were secretly tracking his every move, but then I realized that it’s really much more likely that Ziggy’s the crazy one, and this is a Son of Sam like situation. “No, he’s the one who told me that they were CIA agents! He’s the one who told me they had to die! Say something!” “SQUAAAAK” “See! See!”

Gasoline Alley, 8/10/11

Sorry I haven’t been keeping you up to date with the pulse-pounding action in Gasoline Alley! I’ve been nervous that it might just be more excitement than you can handle.

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Let’s start our discussion of Tuesday’s comics by looking at the first panel of Monday’s Apartment 3-G:

Panel from Apartment 3-G, 8/8/11

Sorry Lu Ann, looks like you’re left holding the glass! Wait, don’t you have another roommate? Maybe she wants lemonade!

Apartment 3-G, 8/9/11

Do you think that’s the same glass? I sure hope not, for Lu Ann’s sake. Margo doesn’t want your hand-me-down leftover glasses of lemonade, Lu Ann! Margo only wants the freshest lemonade! And Margo couldn’t possibly want anything Tommie has rejected! What’s the matter with you?

Fortunately for Lu Ann. Margo is mostly ignoring her as her mind is firmly set on her next round of harebrained schemes. Still, our lovable dim blonde sure is hilariously sad by the end of the strip! “Doesn’t anyone need me? Making lemonade is my only skill! If nobody ever wants lemonade again, what will become of me?”

Gil Thorp, 8/9/11

Ha ha, remember when a Ben Franklin lookalike hustled Marty Moon out of hundreds of dollars on the links? That was all good fun, since Marty is everybody’s punching bag, but having the strip’s ostensible authority figure and voice of reason high-five his protege after a successful revenge-grift seems somewhat more problematic.

Lockhorns, 8/9/11

C’mon, Leroy, it’s Tuesday, aka “sexy hobo cosplay day.” You know what Loretta wants. Unless … this is part of the game? “Fine, let me just finish the paper, and then I’ll put a little something in your cup, if you know what I mean.”

Mary Worth, 8/9/11

That tiny question mark in the final panel isn’t a sign of self-doubt or a signal that Mary isn’t sure what her next move should be (ha ha, like she would ever experience such things). Rather, it’s indicating her sudden disorientation. As soon as she hears the words “I need your advice,” the world seems to retreat away from Mary, appearing as a tiny pinprick of light at the end of a long tunnel, as she enters a fugue state. She’ll come to three months later, covered in blood, just in time to watch Gina’s newly de-estranged father walk her down the aisle.

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Mark Trail, 8/8/11

You guys, Mark Trail is on the case of this crazy biblical goose mystery, if by “on the case” you mean “heading down to the local U.S. Fish & Wildlife Service branch office to shoot the breeze for an hour or four”. More proof of government waste! How do these people have the time to jaw with random weirdos about geese or whatever when they should focusing on which wild animals can be most profitable harvested for their lovely coats? Anyway, this US&FWSer doesn’t just have an incredibly awkward/sexy way of sitting on a desk; he also has a decent memory for strange combinations of God and waterfowl. “Yeah, I heard about this sort of thing years ago, so I put a little pushpin in this map, right here near the Canadian border, just in case it ever happened again. They all laughed at me. ‘C’mon, Bob, take the pushpin out of the map,’ they said. Now I can put a second one in! Who’s laughing now?”

Hagar the Horrible, 8/8/11

Ha ha, it’s funny because murder and theft are very profitable!