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Luann, 6/21/11

Uh-oh, looks like the DeGroots are on a collision course with wackiness — TJ-flavored wackiness! So, wait, is TJ not capable of paying rent on his own? Doesn’t he have a job? Wasn’t there some whole plotline a few years back that centered on the family trying to figure out what TJ did for a living? Did they ever find out? You know, it’s times like this, when I realize that I actually don’t have some bit of Luann ancillary character trivia at my fingertips, that I realize that maybe I’m more mentally healthy than everyone says. I could just look up the answer, but it would ruin my feeling of triumph and well-being.

Anyway, the fact that TJ will be required by economic and/or narrative necessity to move back home with Brad only strengthens my suspicions that “TJ” is actually just a projection of Brad’s troubled subconscious, and that his entire family has been urged by Brad’s team of psychiatrists to play along with his delusion, a role they’ve tackled with an unsettling degree of gusto.

Apartment 3-G, 6/21/11

You know, if the A3G girls were so keen on getting a psychic reading for Lu Ann, why not just go with Margo’s mother Gabriella, who’s been known to dabble in the mystic arts herself? Of course, since Laura Lea is drawn exactly like Gabriella, that may be what they’ve done, and just asked her not to lay on the accent to so thick for a few minutes. At any rate, Margo’s sweet smile in panel one shows that she’ll always love how easy poor dumb Lu Ann is to fool.

Judge Parker, 6/21/11

Worried that the strip’s core audience of aged shut-ins might find the current storyline involving potential suicide too exciting, the Judge Parker creative team has decided to ratchet things back a notch and are now only showing Abbey and Sophie watching the situation unfold via a no doubt low-quality webcam. Still, they are narrating the action, which might cause stray amounts of dangerous drama to enter the consciousness of readers. Just to be safe, the rest of the week will consist of the two of them staring silently at the screen.

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Apartment 3-G, 6/20/11

“I just rented the car” may be Margo’s best ever scheme for distancing herself from a nice gesture offered to one of her so-called friends. “Look, Lu Ann, Tommie’s the one who remembered that today was your birthday, remembered that you still lived with us, and realized you were dumb enough to want to go to the ‘psychic center of the state,’ whatever the hell that means. At first I thought it was the ‘psychotic center of the state’ and I was afraid this was some conspiracy to get me to visit my crazy stepmother in the loony bin, but I’ve been assured that this is some new age mumbo jumbo that won’t result in me being shot at, or hugged. Anyway, long story short, turns out Tommie doesn’t have a driver’s license — every time the DMV guy running the test starts asking questions, she bursts into tears — and you can’t take a cab or a subway to this shithole, so I got guilted into driving. I’ll be waiting out here thinking about something else while you commune with the spirits in there or whatever. And no hugging!”

Archie, 6/20/11

More proof that these Archies are reruns: a modern-day strip would probably feel a need to spin this into some kind of joke about writing things on Facebook walls that would only prove that nobody involved in creating the strip has ever actually used Facebook; but back in simpler times, we were instead just treated to Archie wrapping his pillow around the Veronica-signed yearbook, the better to use it as a masturbatory aid. Also of note are the industrial strength brackets on Jughead’s suspenders, which demonstrate how difficult it is the hold up the pants of someone who has absolutely no hips to speak of.

Mary Worth, 6/20/11

Mary looks like a contemplative lowland gorilla in panel two, and no wonder: she’s confronting a situation that gives rise to contradictory meddling impulses. On the one hand, she’s already been tasked with the job of meddling Liza out of Drew’s life (and, with any luck, out of town altogether); on the other, when confronted with a hysterically weeping woman in a bathroom stall, her urge is to help solve that woman’s problem, which is why she spends so much time hanging around public restrooms in the first place. Will her desire to fix everyone’s life override her goal of making things right for her not-boyfriends layabout son?

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 6/20/11

Elviney is of course Hootin’ Holler’s most unrepentant gossip, but laughing in poor deluded Hassie’s face seems a little cruel even for her.

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Mary Worth, 6/19/11

“When?” we’ve all been calling out, for weeks now, as poor Drew has the living daylights stalked out of him by Liza. “When will the meddling start? When?” Well, this is where it starts: “Drew … let me see what I can do.” Think of the all the horror passing through Mary’s vast and cool and unsympathetic unsympathetic intellect during that ellipsis. Being cruel to Liza is not an option for Drew, but he’s not afraid to farm the cruelty out. He may be off to Vietnam at the end of this thing anyway, just to avoid the carnage.

Panels from Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/19/11

Every Rex Morgan storyline begins with awesome supporting characters before eventually petering out into dullness, and this one is no exception. I’m already falling in love pretty hard with this bickering mother-daughter pair with bad emotional boundaries. Check out those icily arched eyebrows and model-quality cheekbones! I certainly hope that one of the promised loser boyfriends show up at an inappropriate time to the consternation of everyone, especially Rex.

Panel from Beetle Bailey, 6/19/11

Meanwhile, Sarge has been possessed by demons.