Post Content

Quickly! Sorry so quick! Your top comment

“I salute Apartment 3-G for spicing things up by bringing Rasputin back as a guest-character. I’m not sure if I’m more frightened by original, ultra-hair Rasputin, or the new, albino Rasputin, but I’m sure that wacky hijinks will ensue. If nothing else, he’ll give Margo a chance to live out her dream of being able to shoot, poison, stab, and drown the same man on different occasions.” –Alan’s Addiction

And your runners up!

“Maybe Tommie is the world’s first Peter Tork impersonator.” –Karmyn

“I’m hoping the raccoon will put up a fight before being taken away, because it might distract everyone else while the snake eats Max Mouse.” –nescio

“It’s my son John … he appears to be a some kind of thing that came out of my wife. Who I have come to understand is a woman that I live with. I just don’t understand this situation at all, Mark. Can you help?” –Roktober

“‘No, but I remember reading about his distinguished military record.’ Where? Why? Why would he be reading about this guy’s distinguished military record? Does he have a subscription to Random-ass Distinguished Military Records Weekly? ‘Hey!’ he thought. ‘That guy’s from around here! I wonder if I ever punched out anyone we both know?'” –Geek Redux

“You’ve got to wonder when someone in the Wambesi tribe will start complaining about the Ghost Who Only Drops In Whenever He Wants Us To Keep An Eye On One of His Enemies, And Does He Offer to Pay For Feeding These Goons? No He Does Not.” –J.D. Rhoades

“Pluggers apparently have also failed to learn about advanced technology like ‘baskets.'” –Faoladh

Thanks to all who put some cash into my tip jar! And we must give thanks to our advertisers:

• Nightmares from Erberos: Time travel, vampires, twisted reality shows, psychics, mythology, and mobsters — What’s not to love? “De La Torre takes you on a trip through the darkness, challenging religious dogma, pop culture stereotypes, and personal belief while delivering a ten pack of outstanding, well written short stories.” -Spec Fic Stories Review
• Parents Behaving Badly: The dads who coach like Patton! The moms who drink like fish! And the kids caught in the middle. If your child has participated in youth sports, you’ll relate to Parents Behaving Badly. Scott Gummer’s new novel gives the grown-ups who seek vicarious glory the send-up they so richly deserve. For video and more, click here!

To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here

Post Content

Slylock Fox, 4/22/11

Everyone knows that the quickest way to make something adorable and kid-friendly is to make a li’l child version of it; this is the logic that produced Muppet Babies and Animaniacs, to great success. Still, when you’re dealing with a mummified corpse reanimated via the ancient magic that still lingers in some musty tomb, a child version seems less cute than terrifying and soul-crushingly sad. Look, the little damned soul is about to taste its first dessert since he died sometime during Egypt’s 19th Dynasty! Too bad his tongue is going to crumble to dust in his mouth the moment it touches that ice cream.

Mother Goose and Grimm, 4/22/11

Ha ha, yes, I’m always up for a good joke about Mary Worth showing off her vagina, but still … still, this is kind of the moment when you realize, “Wow, I don’t think the people at the syndicate are actually reading the comics anymore before they just ship them off to America’s few remaining newspapers,” what with jokes that only make sense in the context of, “Hey, remember that movie in the ’90s, where you saw that lady’s vagina?”

Pluggers, 4/22/11

Pluggers are too respectful to call their teachers by their first name, but never could get their head around all these crazy ethnic names they have these days, like “Van Pelt” or whatever Dutch craziness.

Post Content

Family Circus, 4/21/11

Oh, Dolly, since you’re the only girl child in a clan of reactionary imbeciles, I always knew you were doomed to a sad, lonely life, but … monitoring Jeffy’s hygeine? Running your finger along the bristles of his toothbrush, and tattling triumphantly when you fail to find evidence of Jeffy-slobber? This is all you can come up with for entertainment? Is there no mud to sullenly poke at? No walls to stare at? No long, elaborate prayers to numbly recite? This is what’s fun, for you?

Apartment 3-G, 4/21/11

We’ve been watching the long build-up to Tommie as a singing sensation, but I’m pretty sure that we’ve never actually seen her write a song, and now hobo tramp producer svengali Dan Diller is browbeating her into quitting her play (quitting her job comes next, presumably) and trying to churn a bunch of them out. Anyway, I’ve been eagerly awaiting the part of this storyline where Tommie fails and her dreams are crushed, and I think we’re just … about … there.