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Family Circus, 3/14/11

Ill-content with his future as a sullen dick, Billy aspires to be a sullen ignorant dick. Live the dream, Billy!

Baby Blues, 3/14/11

Uh-oh — looks like Hammie’s been bitten by a radioactive spider. Lot of that going around. Can’t wait for the musical!

Marvin, 3/14/11

Marvin, perfected. You folks can stop now.

Judge Parker, 3/14/11

Marketing executive — of course. Alan’s Blackberry® also brings news that his two-week Wonder Novel has received a Pulitzer Prize, and Sam’s been appointed Attorney General and Papal Nuncio. Judge Parker pumps its characters so full of gas it’s like watching Ally McBeal staged by Macy’s parade balloons.

Dick Tracy, 3/14/11

Whoa — what the hell is that thing growing out of Dick’s left wrist? And are we headed for four months of “It’s morning out there”/”I’m gonna call you, Tracy”? Time will tell.

Hey, I’m outta here! Josh will return on Monday with your COTW, and chew back into the comics on Tuesday. It’s been a fun week — thanks!

— Uncle Lumpy

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Prince Valiant, 3/13/11

In the dark ages before mobile phones, a sorceress with a beef could hex a passing oaf, daub ZOMG U R A HOAR!!11! on his tunic, and send him lumbering off to her rival’s lair. A good catfight would choke the streets of Camelot with oaves trudging to and fro through the dung and offal wearing STFU, 4Q 2U2, and 182, or lounging in the market as ZZZ or BRB.

Maldubh, sorceress wife of Val’s rival Draco, recently oafed Val and Aleta: V@L+A1337A — FOAD Y NOT? KTHXBAI, and here we see the reply: OMFG MAGIC FAIL NEENR NEENR.

Dick Tracy (panels), 3/13/11

Dick Tracy and Dick Locher say goodbye. Aww, nice. “High-speed”, heh!

The Lockhorns (panel), 3/13/11

Loretta Lockhorn brags about her plan to sex her husband to death. Sorry, Loretta — Anna Nicole Smith you are not.

— Uncle Lumpy

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Sincere thanks to everyone who contributed to the Comics Curmudgeon 2011 Spring Fundraiser! In case you missed it, you can still use the “Donate” button on the left to make an online contribution, or drop me a line at uncle.lumpy@comcast.net for Josh’s address — but no more organized fundraising for another six months or so. Thanks again.

Gil Thorp, 3/13/11

Hornéd Armani-lovin’ B-ballin’ “second-teamer” Lini Verde — rooted by a steamy wave 200-strong, Miss Ducey! Gil Thorp redefines “incomprehensible filth” for a new generation. Stand aside, Peter Greenaway!

Barney Google & Snuffy Smith, 3/13/11

“Trading wood” isn’t a thing now, is it? Somebody please tell me it’s not a thing. Because those smiles are creeping me right out, and I’m afraid to Google it.

Mary Worth, 3/13/11

Oh please for the merciful love of Heaven let them be talking about kites ….

9 Chickweed Lane, 3/13/11

OK, somebody’s got to get through to Team Chickweed that “portrays characters of diverse sexual orientations” does not mean “more opportunities for random couplings.” Well, that, but not only that.

Archie, 3/13/11

Hey Pop, you got to put on the special glasses for that.

— Uncle Lumpy