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Pluggers, 2/10/12

OH GOD THE PAIN, THE PAIN IS SO BAD, HOW AM I EXPECTED TO THINK ABOUT SEX WHEN IT HURTS SO BAD (I’m talking, of course, about the pain of seeing a boner joke in Pluggers).

Apartment 3-G, 2/10/12

At first I was going to complain that by “baby bump” we clearly mean “a visibly pregnant belly that anyone would have noticed long ago at this point in the conversation if they weren’t incredibly self-absorbed,” but then I remembered, ha ha, Margo!

Herb and Jamaal, 2/10/12

Ha ha, it’s funny because Herb is now openly rooting for his mother-in-law’s death!

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Gil Thorp, 2/9/12

Guys, it’s all been fun and games watching the Mudlark basketball team defile their tender young flesh with heathen tattoos, but what about the lesson? It’s not a Gil Thorp plot without a lesson. Today, we learn that lesson: Unlike your dad, who couldn’t handle the fact that your mom made more money than him at her fancy bank job and ran off with the 19-year-old who works at the Arby’s out on Route 128, a tattoo will never leave you!

Shoe, 2/9/12

“That’s right! It took multiple painful experimental surgeries, but the mammalian cells have finally been successfully grafted onto my scalp and now I’m growing real hair, not just feathers like you! These few scraggly hairs mean everything to me! I’m a monstrous chimera, but I don’t care, do you hear me? I don’t care!”

Mary Worth, 2/9/12

I’m warning you right now: The temptation to just run, without comment of any kind, all the Mary Worth strips in which Nola gleefully describes her sexual depravity and Mary reels in horror is very, very strong, and I don’t know if I can resist it much longer.

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Blondie, 2/8/12

“Also, my femurs are almost twice as long as my tibias, and not roughly the same length, as is normal in humans. I’m a shambling, lurching abomination of nature! It’s a miracle that I can walk at all!”

Momma, 2/8/12

Hey, everyone, Momma is thirsty for child-love! Let’s, uh, never speak of this again.