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Welcome back, everybody! Did you enjoy your holiday week off? I did, but as ever I must submit to the siren song of the comics! How did our favorite characters spend the week?

Apartment 3-G, 12/27/10

Well, over at Apartment 3-G, Lu Ann realized with a sinking feeling that she never should have trampily exposed that shoulder if she expected to win the heart of his altar boy. Would she just burst into flames if she entered Paul’s church? Better not risk it!

Apartment 3-G, 12/29/10

Also, just FYI, never, ever speak ill of Margo’s building if you want to live.

Curtis, 12/29/10

Curtis’s annual Kwanztraavaganza is featuring less insane hallucinogenic ancient African magic and more depressing modern American unemployment, which is a bummer. But at least the protagonist has a horrifying jawless lamprey-dog as a pet. That counts for something, right?

Mark Trail, 12/29/10

Over in Mark Trail, our hero seems to be learning about this thing called “flirting.”

Funky Winkerbean, 1/1/11

And in Funky Winkerbean, Les’s two ladies finally realized that he’s in love with a dead woman, and now they will give up their fruitless and baffling pursuit of him. (Ha ha, just kidding, they still want to sex him up for reasons no sane person could ever comprehend.)

Mary Worth and Spider-Man, 1/1/11

2011 brought us not one but two wonderful weddings: one solemnized under the watchful glower of Mary Worth, and one made more festive by an endless river of silent, inhuman monsters. Happy New Year, everybody! The bestial fiends of Subterranea are coming to devour you!

Panel from Dick Tracy, 1/2/11

Back on the surface, Dick Tracy’s Crimestoppers Textbook seems to be really, really reaching for crimes to stop.

Anyway, expect 2011 here at the Comics Curmudgeon to bring you basically the same awesomeness that you’ve been getting for nearly seven years now, unless of course the newspaper comics industry completely collapses, in which case I’ll turn the whole thing into a Mary Worth fetish porn site. Happy New Year to you all! And check those receipts! ERRORS DO OCCUR.

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Mary Worth, 12/24/10

“I know! I’ll warn her that marriage is a scam and that Scott will betray her! And if she doesn’t believe me, I’ll just punch him in the face! It’ll be all like, ‘Merry Christmas’ — KAPOW!”

Folks, by the time you read these words, I’ll be off my on multi-city Christmas journey! I’ll be back with 2011 comics by January 3, but until then, enjoy your last comment of the week of 2010!

“Apartment 3-G! The daily soap opera comic strip about three independent young single women, living on the town in New York! In tonight’s episode: the best and only Christmas party they could get invited to was thrown by one of their aunts. 8 p.m.!” –Black Drazon

And the very funny runners up!

“Obviously the Keane kids are taught a different version of Christmas carols, emphasizing the terrible fate that awaits the blashphemers who secularize the day of Our Lord’s birth.” –Truckasaurus

“Jill sure does look ‘high on a cloud’ in panel one. ‘A cloud’ is slang for ‘a fuck-ton of MDMA,’ right?” –Doctor Handsome

“Ah, those carefree days back at Califugly Brutalist Architecture U.” –Edgy DC

“Clearly we have all been too hard on Jill, for our own depraved amusement. Even at a glance one can tell Jordan was her soul mate. ‘Let’s get a jug of wine this big, then go home and have sex.’ he says. ‘No!’ Jill replies with a rapturous gaze, ‘Let’s get a jug of wine THIS big!'” –DaveyK

“OH MY GOD, this explains why nobody at Camp Swampy ever sees combat! Otto has an ‘in’ with defense contractors!” –Dan

“The pies are trophies in Mary’s lair. ‘One pie for each ruined life! Bwah ah ah ah!'” –Another Kiwi

“By the way, how about that fucking Mary Worth? Can nobody from Santa Fucking Royale even summon up a black person from memory to stick in a flashback crowd shot?” –Edgy DC

“Whatever happens, I’m sure June will icily disapprove of something.” –BERTMARCH, on the current Rex Morgan, M.D., storyline

“I wish I had Lex Luthor at power forward as well.” –Bud

“I thought my husband had magically arranged the ultimate birthday surprise — no more Les! Disappointed, again. I hold out hope that the Wally & Rachel murder-suicide story line will wrap up in time for Mother’s Day.” –Lisa

“Wow, Tommie got hot! Now pass me that cup of bleach. I neither wish nor deserve to go on with this paltry existence.” –TruthOfAngels

“So who all exactly is going to be in attendance at this little soiree of Iris’? The girls from 3-G; Trey the bicycling architect, who raises the intriguing paradox of how someone could be simultaneously that weird and that boring; Prissy the cat; and, if we’re really lucky, Ari Papagoras might swing by for a drink. This shit’s going to make Charterstone look like Studio 54.” –Violet

“So Spidey feels that his actions are constrained by matters of extradition law, but not by such niceties as common decency? Sounds about right.” –Nekrotzar

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Mark Trail, 12/23/10

Mark Trail’s superhuman power of punching is often remarked on in this blog, but what about his other, less violent talents? For instance, I feel strongly that we don’t lavish enough attention on his amazing bellowing ability. In panel two, for instance, we can see that he can achieve extreme levels of bolding and large font size without even opening his mouth.

Meanwhile, in panel three, I fear that Kelly is going to become an cautionary example in an imminent lesson on boating safely, possibly in combination with an abrupt and vicious seagull attack.

Lockhorns, 12/23/10

Loretta has reason to be angry at Leroy’s constant belittling of her cooking, but to be fair to him, it is kind of weird that she’s only brought out one portion of her blood-red chili. Presumably it’s been poisoned, and she’s going to force him to eat it so that she’s finally rid of him; Leroy will acquiesce, out of spite, but not before he gets in a few last punny, dead-eyed witticisms at her expense.