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Mary Worth, 4/23/11

Uh oh, it looks like Liza’s plan to seduce Dr. Drew, which was going so very well, has hit a snag. Dr. Drew is a sexy doctor, very much in demand for the ladies, and his attitude appears to be that he does not have to put up with people who pass off quotes from 15-year-old movies as their own woo-pitching. Either that or he suspects that Liza might actually be Tom Cruise, wearing a very clever disguise. Anyway, I hope the two of them work this out quickly, as they’re standing in the middle of the street and are liable to be hit by a car.

Hi and Lois, 4/23/11

Aww, it’s nice that Trixie is finally learning about full-throated marital hatred! Her parents are far too passive-aggressive in their attempts to emotionally destroy one another for someone her age to really get it.

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Quickly! Sorry so quick! Your top comment

“I salute Apartment 3-G for spicing things up by bringing Rasputin back as a guest-character. I’m not sure if I’m more frightened by original, ultra-hair Rasputin, or the new, albino Rasputin, but I’m sure that wacky hijinks will ensue. If nothing else, he’ll give Margo a chance to live out her dream of being able to shoot, poison, stab, and drown the same man on different occasions.” –Alan’s Addiction

And your runners up!

“Maybe Tommie is the world’s first Peter Tork impersonator.” –Karmyn

“I’m hoping the raccoon will put up a fight before being taken away, because it might distract everyone else while the snake eats Max Mouse.” –nescio

“It’s my son John … he appears to be a some kind of thing that came out of my wife. Who I have come to understand is a woman that I live with. I just don’t understand this situation at all, Mark. Can you help?” –Roktober

“‘No, but I remember reading about his distinguished military record.’ Where? Why? Why would he be reading about this guy’s distinguished military record? Does he have a subscription to Random-ass Distinguished Military Records Weekly? ‘Hey!’ he thought. ‘That guy’s from around here! I wonder if I ever punched out anyone we both know?'” –Geek Redux

“You’ve got to wonder when someone in the Wambesi tribe will start complaining about the Ghost Who Only Drops In Whenever He Wants Us To Keep An Eye On One of His Enemies, And Does He Offer to Pay For Feeding These Goons? No He Does Not.” –J.D. Rhoades

“Pluggers apparently have also failed to learn about advanced technology like ‘baskets.'” –Faoladh

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Slylock Fox, 4/22/11

Everyone knows that the quickest way to make something adorable and kid-friendly is to make a li’l child version of it; this is the logic that produced Muppet Babies and Animaniacs, to great success. Still, when you’re dealing with a mummified corpse reanimated via the ancient magic that still lingers in some musty tomb, a child version seems less cute than terrifying and soul-crushingly sad. Look, the little damned soul is about to taste its first dessert since he died sometime during Egypt’s 19th Dynasty! Too bad his tongue is going to crumble to dust in his mouth the moment it touches that ice cream.

Mother Goose and Grimm, 4/22/11

Ha ha, yes, I’m always up for a good joke about Mary Worth showing off her vagina, but still … still, this is kind of the moment when you realize, “Wow, I don’t think the people at the syndicate are actually reading the comics anymore before they just ship them off to America’s few remaining newspapers,” what with jokes that only make sense in the context of, “Hey, remember that movie in the ’90s, where you saw that lady’s vagina?”

Pluggers, 4/22/11

Pluggers are too respectful to call their teachers by their first name, but never could get their head around all these crazy ethnic names they have these days, like “Van Pelt” or whatever Dutch craziness.