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Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/5/10

Whoah, it looks like our drama involving the sinister brew of prostate cancer and bare-knuckle city politics isn’t over after all! The fact that this story leaked out shouldn’t come as surprise, since Rex already shot his mouth off about it to June and who knows who else. But if the terrifying scene in the next-to-last panel is any indication, the toxic combination of rage and elevated PSA levels has transformed the mayor into The Mayor, a superpowered vigilante determined to stop HIPAA violations wherever he may find them.

Marvin, 9/5/10

Ha ha, Marvin’s grandfather’s friend suffers from a serious medical condition! Also, this is related to the end of summer, somehow! Eh, at least it’s not another “Marvin pooped himself” joke.

Funky Winkerbean, 9/5/10

“I didn’t change how this story finishes, though. My wife’s still dead at the end! That’s just how I roll: very, very glumly.”

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Family Circus, 9/4/10

There’s certainly a little something weirdly circular about Dolly praying for the power to pray more intently, but perhaps we ought to take this scene at face value and respect the poor girl’s fervent desire to keep her mind focused on the divine in the midst of a chaotic living situation. Her casual description of her middle brother wandering about the house muttering incomprehensible but threatening nonsense to himself is particularly harrowing.

Crock, 9/4/10

Though I once praised the poor damned souls who do the coloring for the comics, they still must be called to account when they err. Why must we buy into the beauty myth that only blondes are sexy? The Crock artist appreciates an attractive brunette, obviously, having gong to some pains to ink in the hair of Grossie’s sexy friend (since this is Crock, she’s probably just named “Sexy”). Why do you supply a blondeish nimbus that was not part of the original artistic vision, O Colorist?

B.C., 9/4/10

Ha ha, she made a real impression on him … with her enormous ass! Possibly by sitting on him! And her name is “Fanny!” And they’re, uh, ants, and probably when an ant has a distended rear thorax section like that it means something, but, uh, bugs gross me out so I don’t want to look it up. Probably it relates to breeding or something though, or feeding the young. Which casts this strip into a completely different and more disgusting light. Jeez, I think I liked B.C. better when it was just telling me I was going to hell.

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Funky Winkerbean, 9/3/10

Ho ho ho, Cayla, game, set and match! You will never defeat Susan in your battle for Les’s gloomy heart now! Only she understands that special blend of grief, narcissism, and self-importance that is the most powerful aphrodisiac for him. I’m surprised the two of them aren’t just going at it right there on the table in panel three.

Pluggers, 9/3/10

Well, well, well, coastal elitists. You may enjoy sitting around your fancy condos and talking about Russian novels and Italian cinema while drinking fine French wine, but pluggers know a little bit about something that you might have forgotten about at that fancy Ivy League school of yours: good old-fashioned American toilet paper. Advantage: pluggers, with their simple, down-home common sense and their clean buttholes.

Speaking of coast elitists, I’m heading off to New York for Labor Day weekend! Don’t worry, I’ll bring my own TP. New comics on Monday, or maybe Tuesday!