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Mark Trail, 9/2/10

You know, I was about to make fun of the idea that a caged hunt of semi-tame exotic animals could be this hideous, unpleasant man’s ticket to the governorship, but then I reflected on the mysterious ways in which the government works in the Mark Trail universe. This, after all, is a world where land use disputes and criminal investigations are handled at the same meeting of some ill-defined board, and where zoning hearings take place in dramatic trial form. So why shouldn’t the state’s chief executive be chosen in the context of shooting penned-in beasts? It makes as much sense as anything else. So you can just forget this fancy “voting” talk, Mrs. Evil Politician, because the only votes that count are the ones cast by the severed heads of majestic wildlife.

Gil Thorp, 9/2/10

I admitted on Twitter the other day that I actually enjoy seeing beloved former Gil Thorp characters pop up from year to year in this strip. This year’s returnee is Jamarr Gaddis, aka “the Ghost,” the team’s talented but self-aggrandizing egotist. I vaguely recall being amused by Jamarr’s cheerful self-promotion, so it will be good to have him back; today’s action implies that we’re going to learn about his inner struggles, or at least see how he reacts when people mock him for having a cold. Seriously, why does everyone find the fact that he’s sick so damn hilarious and/or enraging? Check out Coach Beardo in the first panel — he’s a third-in-command high school sports coach, so he’s got a lot of nerve acting so superior just because some poor kid decided to stay home with a fever instead of coming to practice and giving 110 percent right up to the point where he drops dead from exhaustion.

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Does a bear make mischief in the woods?

Slylock Fox, 9/1/10

It doesn’t surprise me to see this bear casually destroying a nice sign that a thoughtful forest ranger put up. Bears are a sinister menace who will stop at nothing to lure humans into feeding them … with human flesh. What does sadden me is to see that an innocent beaver has been roped into this tomfoolery. “Hey, beaver friend,” the bear probably said, “that sign says ‘Don’t feed the beavers!’ You don’t want that sign still standing by the riverside, do you?” Beavers are notoriously semi-literate; this beaver probably just saw that the last word started with ‘B’ and ended with ‘R’ and believed the bear’s lies, the poor trusting soul. At least he looks happy, doing the bear’s bidding. I hope the bear doesn’t eat him after this.

Dennis the Menace, 9/1/10

Dennis does occasionally do a bit of legit menacing, and my favorite type is when he humiliates his father in public. I like to think that today he’s been sitting on this gag until he spotted the preppiest, douchiest guy on the golf course to use as the agent for his father’s debasement. “My dad can’t drive a golf ball very far, and he also wears a brown sweater with black pants. That’s because he’s lower-middle class, and always will be, no matter how much money he makes! Did you know that he went to public schools — even for college?“

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Mary Worth, 8/31/10

Wow, just when you think it would be physically impossible for the current Mary Worth storyline to be packed with more twists and turns — BAM! Dr. Mike’s father expires mere hours after their reconciliation! My guess is that Lonnie, feeling his liver dying inside him, orchestrated the whole sequence so that his beloved but obviously impoverished longtime companion Fred wouldn’t be stuck with the funeral costs. Now Dr. Mike’s fancy head-shrinker salary will pay for Lonnie’s spiffy coffin, and pay to clean the gin sweats out of his sheets besides.

The really sad part is that the last thing Lonnie ever saw was that hideous drop ceiling. Seriously, who puts one of those in the guest bedroom?

Family Circus, 8/31/10

It seemed strange to me that Jeffy would prefer the taste of saltwater to fresh water from a hose, but then I realized that the contents of that pool are probably about 30 percent urine by volume.