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Slylock Fox, 9/6/10

One of the great meta-mysteries of the Slylock Fox strip is: who exactly is Slylock’s employer? Does he work for the mostly dog-staffed police force, or is he a private eye for hire? Today’s strip seems to suggest the latter. The library system, not trusting the generally incompetent law enforcement system, obviously scraped together what it could out of its tightened budget to hire the best detective around to get that computer back. But the cemetery, whose fresh graves Count Weirdly is raiding for body parts that he can sew together and reanimate in a ghastly parody of life? Did they write Sly a check? No? Then screw them. What corpse-monster? I don’t see any corpse-monster. Just hand over the computer, Count, and I forget everything else I saw here.

Apartment 3-G, 9/6/10

Well, it’s yet another Monday, and the chances that this makeover storyline is the secret cover for a change of artist seem to be pretty much nil at this point. Certainly everyone in the audience is looking as appalling as ever. Any makeover show host worth her salt would, as soon as she laid eyes on Martin, stop in mid-sentence and rip that orange suit/yellow tie combo right off his body, then grab him by the scruff of his neck and drag him back stage to fix whatever is going on with his hair.

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/5/10

Whoah, it looks like our drama involving the sinister brew of prostate cancer and bare-knuckle city politics isn’t over after all! The fact that this story leaked out shouldn’t come as surprise, since Rex already shot his mouth off about it to June and who knows who else. But if the terrifying scene in the next-to-last panel is any indication, the toxic combination of rage and elevated PSA levels has transformed the mayor into The Mayor, a superpowered vigilante determined to stop HIPAA violations wherever he may find them.

Marvin, 9/5/10

Ha ha, Marvin’s grandfather’s friend suffers from a serious medical condition! Also, this is related to the end of summer, somehow! Eh, at least it’s not another “Marvin pooped himself” joke.

Funky Winkerbean, 9/5/10

“I didn’t change how this story finishes, though. My wife’s still dead at the end! That’s just how I roll: very, very glumly.”

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Family Circus, 9/4/10

There’s certainly a little something weirdly circular about Dolly praying for the power to pray more intently, but perhaps we ought to take this scene at face value and respect the poor girl’s fervent desire to keep her mind focused on the divine in the midst of a chaotic living situation. Her casual description of her middle brother wandering about the house muttering incomprehensible but threatening nonsense to himself is particularly harrowing.

Crock, 9/4/10

Though I once praised the poor damned souls who do the coloring for the comics, they still must be called to account when they err. Why must we buy into the beauty myth that only blondes are sexy? The Crock artist appreciates an attractive brunette, obviously, having gong to some pains to ink in the hair of Grossie’s sexy friend (since this is Crock, she’s probably just named “Sexy”). Why do you supply a blondeish nimbus that was not part of the original artistic vision, O Colorist?

B.C., 9/4/10

Ha ha, she made a real impression on him … with her enormous ass! Possibly by sitting on him! And her name is “Fanny!” And they’re, uh, ants, and probably when an ant has a distended rear thorax section like that it means something, but, uh, bugs gross me out so I don’t want to look it up. Probably it relates to breeding or something though, or feeding the young. Which casts this strip into a completely different and more disgusting light. Jeez, I think I liked B.C. better when it was just telling me I was going to hell.