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Mark Trail, 9/11/10

Have you ever had a moment when something you’ve looked at every day, for years, suddenly reconfigures, and your entire worldview shatters and reforms with searing clarity? Well, that’s what happened when I read this Mark Trail, which reveals that “Mark,” “Cherry,” and “Rusty” are actually three adorably frolicking horses — horses that like to imagine what it would be like to be human. Everything is explained: the unnatural dialogue (based on the deliberately child-like and stilted speech that humans use when they talk to animals), the freakish morphing forms (can we really expect interspecies facial recognition to go off without a hitch?), the fact that human society as depicted has less and less basis in reality the further we get from Lost Forest. It’s sort of heartbreaking that the weirdly malformed humans we’ve spent so much time with are actually these beautiful galloping animals. Too bad Frank is going to lure them into his hunting pen and let his political buddies shoot them for sport.

Apartment 3-G, 9/11/10

Do you think that comics colorists simply have too much pride to admit when they make a mistake? I mean, technically there was no indication when Lu Ann appeared on Thursday what color her hair was supposed to be, so red was as good a guess as any. But now that we learn that Lu Ann’s hair is supposed to be a “rich brown,” and our colorists are refusing to take the hint. “No, damn you! The Lu Ann of my masturbatory fantasies is a redhead, and a redhead she will remain!”

Gil Thorp, 9/11/10

Ha ha, look at how happy Gil and Kaz look! It’s because they’ve once again found someone who, as a result of some gaping emotional wound, is willing to do their jobs for them. And before the first game is even played, too!

Luann, 9/11/10

After Dirk strangles the DeGroots, the strip’s narrative will (literally) violently change directions, as it gets renamed The Talented Mr. Dirk and follows its new title character’s unseemly adventures.

Ballard Street, 9/11/10

I only discuss Ballard Street here when its “insane lunatics doing baffling things” schtick crosses over from “bonkers” to “unsettling,” and I think today’s panel, which features a sour-faced old woman engaging in harrowing self-harm, more than qualifies.

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/10/10

Wait a minute, there’s someone else in Morgantown practicing medicine, someone who isn’t an employee of Rex ’n’ June’s Medical Collective And Snake Oil Distribution Office? By the look on Rex’s face, that’s never sat well with him, and now this slip-up is the chance he needs to destroy the urologist, and then all those troubled penises will be his, all his.

By the way, in case you’re wondering, the leaker is the Mayor’s wife, who is worried that he won’t take care of himself properly if he stays in office. Just letting you know! I understand that feeling unexpected pangs of suspense while reading Rex Morgan can be irritating.

Marmaduke, 9/10/10

And the first thing you need to learn about Marmaduke is that he does eat it — whether “it” is organic matter, wood or plastic, live animals, or children. Oh, and souls. He also eats souls.

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Jumble, 9/9/10

Faithful Jumble readers know that the seemingly innocent scrambled word game is slowly transforming into some kind of social-realist tract on the seedy underbelly of modern society, with routine depictions of sleaze and vice. Today’s panel continues this trend, depicting a baffled and hungover young man (wearing a wizard hat?) being taunted by the hard-faced barfly he gave it up to the previous night in a drunken haze. The can in her hand is a nice touch (presumably she’s already getting started on the day’s drinking), as is the wastebasket right next to the bed (for used condoms, or mid-intercourse booze-induced vomiting, or both). Is our protagonist wearing a t-shirt that just says “Pot,” of the sort popularized by the beloved Weedmaster P character in the delightful Overcompensating Web comic? Maybe, and maybe if he had stuck with that substance, he wouldn’t be in his current predicament.

Apartment 3-G, 9/9/10

Oh … oh dear. It appears the makeover has hit its first major disaster, as the syndicate colorists have completely lost track of who this Lu Ann person is and just arbitrarily given her red hair. Apparently they work by hairstyle only, which is bad news for a strip that’s trying to change the hairstyles of its characters. You can see why they might make this mistake, though; with the curls and the off-one-shoulder toga-like thing, Lu Ann looks like she might be playing Venus in a high-school play.

Beetle Bailey, 9/9/10

I’ve been mostly ignoring the Beetle Bailey 60th anniversary wank-a-thon, but I did enjoy this 1965 strip, in which “wacky rebel” Rocky attempts to assassinate a general officer. He’d rather go to Leavenworth than go to ’Nam, man!

Funky Winkerbean, 9/9/10

Aww, isn’t this cute! Holly saved the message she got telling her that Funky was in a car wreck. Presumably it’s so she can relive over and over again that brief, magical moment when she thought the nasty old hatesack might be dead.