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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 5/30/10

Snuffy is admittedly improvising under pressure here, but I’m a little disappointed at his excuse-making’s failure to cohere into a satisfying whole. Since he was questioned about his intentions for that sack full of live chickens, surely all concerned could better pretend at the virtue of the situation had the subsequent bribe been offered in chicken form. Indeed, I’ve assumed that poultry is more or less the main currency in Hootin’ Holler anyway, a suspicion that is confirmed by the somewhat dodgy appearance of the note Snuffy is handing Sheriff Tait. It certainly doesn’t resemble a U.S. greenback, which makes sense as those probably haven’t been seen around town since the local TVA office closed down. My guess is that this is a piece of scrip issued by the operators of the nearest coal mine; though the mine and the accompanying company store have also been shuttered for decades, Hootin’ Holler residents still atavistically ascribe value to the crumbling pieces of paper.

Crock, 5/30/10

I’m also interested in how exactly the local economy works in Crock. There doesn’t seem to be any kind of permanent settlement associated with the strip’s Foreign Legion outpost, just a series of isolated retail establishments created as needed to support the lame joke of the day. I guess it’s understandable that the employees of “Dress Shoppe,” having no competition in the clothes trade, lack any sense of customer service. Maybe the next shop will do better, now that Grossie has destroyed this one.

Panel from Mary Worth, 5/30/10

EMERGENCY! EMERGENCY! THE INDIVIDUAL KNOWN AS “BONNIE” (indicated) HAS HAD HER SOUL COMPLETELY DEVOURED BY MARY WORTH! SUGGEST IMMEDIATE MERCY TERMINATION OF HER UNDEAD CORPOREAL FORM!

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Dick Tracy, 5/29/10

The current Dick Tracy storyline, in which one of Dick’s old adversaries (or possibly said adversary’s grandson) has gone to all the trouble of being cast opposite Dick in a dramatic re-enactment of one of his old cases just so he can murder the detective and one or more bystanders in front of hundreds of onlookers, is painfully dumb, dumber than usual for this feature, and I’ve been studiously ignoring it. However, I do have to pause to offer appreciation for the fact that Director Lady Whose Punny Name I Have Forgotten has chosen to only thought-balloon that “Oh, no!” Sure, there’s a crazed murderer on the lose and the entire audience is at risk, and it’s important to tell people that, but we wouldn’t want to start a panic with unseemly displays of emotion.

Crock, 5/29/10

We’ve already established that the Crock artist has long forgotten, if he ever knew, that Grossie is supposed to be wearing a niqab. So I suppose it makes sense that he might think of that cap on the top of her head as a “hairstyle.”

Hey, everybody! By the time you see this, I’ll be gone for the long weekend. See ya back here Monday evening, or maybe Tuesday morning!

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Momma, 5/28/10

Reading Momma is always a harrowing experience, but rarely does the strip get into Funky Winkerbean territory and actively discuss, say, suicide. Not content to have Momma simply make awkward conversation with the widow of a man who just killed himself, today’s strip takes us on journey ever deeper into sorrow. At first we are lead to believe that Sadie’s husband killed himself because his failing body left him in constant agony; but then, as Sadie gives Momma an icy glare, we realize the truth: that he took his life because of the failure of her marriage, and that she frankly believes that this was the only reasonably reaction on his part. Fun!

Hagar the Horrible, 5/28/10

Of course, it’s leagues more sophisticated than Hagar the Horrible, which features a dog who really, really has to go to the bathroom. Don’t “relax” your bowels, Snert!

Crankshaft, 5/28/10

A question for northeast Ohioans: in your local dialect, does “wuss” rhyme with “bus”? Follow-up question: Do you smile cheerfully in the wake of repeated assaults on your property, believing them to be the inevitable punishment of a sadistic creator?