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It’s the first Friday of the month again, so you know what that means: we’re one week away from the second Friday of the month, the day when The Internet Read Aloud happens at 8:30 pm at the Clubhouse in Los Angeles. Come hack the mainframe with us at this free show!

Meanwhile, fulfill your laff needs by enjoying this week’s top comment:

“Yep, the only way he can tolerate looking through old photo albums is by huffing gas, and Leroy ran out. Or he had too much? Anyhow, he didn’t have the right amount of gas.” –pugfuggly

And the funny runners up are eminently laffworthy!

“Need advice for getting along in these trying times? Why not ask a character in a hundred-year-old print comic strip. He’ll tell you that if you think life is more difficult today than in 1922, you’re a soft coddled snowflake who doesn’t deserve the millions of trees that are cut down and pulped every year just to make the newspapers they’re printed on.” –BigTed

“What sort of cat gets broken limbs falling down a stairwell? Semi-humanisation is not without its drawbacks.” –Gerry Quinn

“It takes more than an earthquake to wake Snuffy from a chicken-fucking dream.” –Hibbleton

“The original Monopoly was created to show that we’re all POWs in a rentier capitalist system! Talk about smuggling a message into International Workers Day — doesn’t Tracy usually shoot a Commie to commemorate?” –But What Do I Know?

“Also I volunteer for the Coast Guard on weekends! I was one of the divers who rescued the kids at Tham Luang! I’m going to keep throwing out previously unknown backstory until this situation becomes plausible!” –TheDiva

“Oh, great. Now I’m thinking about Crock’s … hands?” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

Signs are illegal! Picket signs, star signs, hand signs, all of it, illegal! Right here, I have a edict signed by General de … wait a minute.” –Voshkod

“‘Entertained’? Well, I have to admit that seeing two dorks and their house pets sync up yoga moves constitutes entertainment of a sort.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“Normally I’m a big advocate for low-traffic suburbs where children can play safely in the street, but if this is what it leads to then bring on the SUVs.” –Schroduck

“Rene is a multi-talented person, and in a more just age and society he’d be a celebrated polymath. But in the corrupt and crooked world of Rex Morgan, M.D., it’s established that already wealthy people like the Morgans do very little actual work and are handed valuable things for free. Even in this strip the Morgans and their circle are notable for not taking any action, contributing to the drama of the strip, and letting other people handle the world. Rene, meanwhile, cooks up new schemes, personas, and outfits. Its no wonder he turns to crime, though he finds over and over again is that the plutocracy’s one true talent is protecting its own wreath and status.” –Philip

“Are you guys sure all the normal sized towels are in the hamper? You really don’t have anything bigger than this little hand towel? I just got fished out of the sea and I’m pretty cold and wet, but fine, give the scam artist a little rag to gently dab his neck with. You guys are the real villains, you’re just much more passive aggressive about it.” –made of wince

“If you say ‘I’m the best at what I do’ while wearing handcuffs … you are probably not the best at what you do.” –astroboy

“Well, here’s a sentence I never thought I’d type: Snuffy and the gang could really learn a few things from the knuckleheads in Rex Morgan, M.D. While the residents of Hootin’ Holler can’t speak, walk, or laugh without their grotesque, identical tongues flopping out of their mouths, Rex and his ilk seem to be descended from a long line of ventriloquists. ‘Open our mouths to speak?’ they say in tight-lipped astonishment. ‘Why, we might display a line of teeth on occasion, but we only open up fully when we’re considering pushing someone off a boat, I don’t know why I have to explain this to you.’” –els

“Nothing I like more than walking side by side with my significant other and conversing by tilting our heads and looking toward each other with our eyeballs but never turning our heads under any circumstances. It’s the way true lovers interact.” –Drew Funk

“Seeing as Curtis unironically enjoys a comic strip called Dear Old Dad which isn’t funny either, maybe the actual joke is that Curtis has no actual sense of humour. Constantly showing unfunny things to his dad who is the audience surrogate? ‘Yes readers … my son is a dumbass. Just go with it.’” –The Rambling Otter

“You call that Back? Son, close your TikTok and dial 1-900-MIX-A-LOT.” –Ben Harper, on Twitter

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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Mary Worth, 5/5/23

Since Dr. Ed’s big problem was that he felt terribly overworked, I feel like we’re really glossing over what’s actually turned his life around: not his girlfriend doing unpaid and unskilled labor around the office, but rather the fact that he’s managed to hire another vet to do actual vet stuff, replacing his emotionally fragile nephew who couldn’t deal with all the euthanasia. Do you think the new guy’s Ed’s nephew too? How many nephews does this guy have?

Curtis, 5/5/23

Wow, this is a hell of a way for Greg to tell Curtis that he has a sister!

Daddy Daze, 5/5/23

YES, I KNEW IT, THE DADDY DAZY DADDY CAN’T ACTUALLY UNDERSTAND WHAT THE DADDY DAZY BABY IS SAYING, FINALLY, HE ADMITS IT

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Hagar the Horrible, 5/4/23

I know it’s a little hypocritical, because I always complain about legacy comics being static and hidebound, but I also am always a little unsettled when a legacy comic introduces a new character out of nowhere. Still, I have high hopes for this new fellow in Hagar the Horrible, Honi’s Friend Who Wears A Beret And Waits For Food With His Fork And Knife At The Ready And His Tongue Hanging Out Like A Dipshit, and I look forward to his future adventures, assuming he’s not about to be disemboweled by Hagar.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 5/4/23

OK, I take back what I said yesterday: Rene doesn’t need emotional validation to recognize his own inherent good qualities. No, he knows himself quite well as the ultimate soulless scamming machine. He will stop at nothing to hone the skills necessary to pull off his grifts. If he must look deeply into the souls of men and help them set their lives right in the process, so be it, but that cannot be anything more than a means to an end, and that end is to make a few bucks off of people on a cruise who might want to be similarly transformed. I will no longer question his purity of purpose in this space. Too bad he’s probably going to prison for attempted murder now!

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 5/4/23

What kind of elaborate and pricey bachelor party would a resident of Hootin’ Holler envision? Would it involve strippers? Did you read that sentence and then suddenly and involuntarily imagine what the Snuffy Smith version of a strip club would look like? Did the very thought of it make you want to lie down, not in a sexy way, but more in a desperately try to achieve a state of ego death that will allow you to stop imagining it way?