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You might recall that I announced a while back that a redesigned version of the site is in the works. Well, it is pretty much ready to be looked at by our crack beta testing crew!  I’ve already got a good list of folks (you’ll all get a note from me with more info in the next day or so!), but I am still looking for anyone who uses a BlackBerry with Web-surfing capabilities, or a new Droid phone (or something else that runs version 2.0 of Android). If you match that description and would like to participate, drop me a line at bio@jfruh.com. (UPDATE: OK, I have enough people for this now, but if you’re *really* jazzed to participate, I could always use more!)

Oh, and hey, you know that top comment you’ve been looking for? Well, here it is!

“I love the gratuitous cell phone that the comatose Chip is clutching with a ferocious and doubtlessly drug-induced rigor. These OD’ing kids and their cell phones! I bet he’s TEXTING, amirite?” –teddytoad

And the runners up! Very amusing!

“I think I figured out why Jeffy is sitting there. He just burned a doobie. He has that smug far-off look, he’s sitting in a doorway spacing out watching his matriarchs get their gab on while Dolly drones on. ‘What’s she even talking about man, and check out that cat man that cat is far out.'” –micedwhale

“Mr. Howard is clearly so overwhelmed by Peter’s almost superhuman handsomeness that he barely cares about his mother at this point. ‘Yeah, yeah, the old bag seems fine … Tell me, what kind of product are you using in your hair? I’ve mainly been using varnish and STP in mine, but I want the kind of bounce and vitality that you have! I mean, just look at that shine!'” –Joe Blevins

“Make sure all six of those remaining hairs are combed over! You are a self-sufficient, confident man of strength, and your hair-placement skills will just shout out ‘Tiger In The Bedroom!’ to your fellow non-swimming, action-seeking pool party guests. And that long straw in your drink? Icing, my friend. Icing.” –Mooncattie

“I may miss Iris, but you cannot miss my irises!” –Dragon of Life

“So, Mark drives his station-wagon, say, ninety kilometres an hour off a ledge at least two metres up, and all it suffered was a broken tire? Maybe he stuck his arm out the window and punched the air below to soften the impact or something.” –Jacob

“Is this year’s Charterstone pool party theme ‘Hold Your Food And Beverages at an Awkward Angle?'” –Patrick

“At least you still have Dawn around. Its patented grease-fighting formula will come in handy, now that Iris isn’t around to scape the remnants of microwave burritos off your dishes.” –Pozzo

On Wilbur’s Facebook page: “Of course, it can only be authentic if he has zero friends.” –bourbon babe, unbuckled

“And Rex Morgan’s storyline ends exactly as they all should: with a panel full of nothing but incredibly awkward silence.” –Black Drazon

“I like the fact that the only things visible on the buffet table in the Mary Worth strip are a bowl of apples, a plate of fish quenelles and a bottle of ketchup. One can’t help speculating about what the dessert will be. Bearnaise cake? Cheese-flavored ice cream with a topping of erasers?” –Anonymous

“Since Wilbur Weston’s stated profession is masquerading as a female advice columnist, I can only imagine that his Facebook page would have to carry the charade farther. So, when he asked for Dawn’s ‘help’, I suspect he meant ‘pose for my Facebook photo, and show some skin, if you could.'” –hogenmogen

“Phantom: If they just make this storyline focus on Diana escaping from the bizarre, unfocused international terrorists and eventually taking revenge on the Python — with perhaps the occasional flash to the titular character as he mopes around in self-pity and watches afternoon soaps while developing an eating disorder — I would be happy beyond expression.” –Master Softheart

“Also, you may be a tad on the chubby side, Wilbur, but you hardly constitute a legion.” –Violet

“I’m less concerned with Jeffy slobber and more with the fact that he’s hovering 3 inches off the ground. Not to mention the whereabouts of his mother’s legs. I’m not saying the two are linked in some sort of bizarre amputation-for-levitation satanic tradeoff. But I’m not prepared to rule it out either.” –It’s time to pay the price

“Judging from panel 2, Wilbur thinks this new ‘social networking’ craze is all about the shadow puppets.” –Steve S

“And here I was, expecting exciting Facebook statuses like, ‘Wilbur is standing in his underwear, eating handfuls of cold cereal over the sink.'” –mojo

“Besides, isn’t this guy an advice columnist? Because, really.” –Honeypot

“In honor of Wilbur, let me be the first person to introduce a new catch-phrase/cliche into the English-speaking lexicon: YOU WON’T BE ABLE TO COMB-OVER THIS PROBLEM!!!” –Marion Delgado

“In panel two it looks as though Wilbur is attempting to do finger quotes. Now on to explore new worlds, in ‘online social networking,’ and when I say ‘online social networking,’ I mean Japanese porn.” –Not_Wilbur

“I think you’re too hard on Rusty. Clearly he’s going to be a man’s man — how many 10 year olds would bother isolating which part of the car was on them before mentioning that they’re trapped? ‘The axle’s on my leg! No, wait, that’s the rear differential housing. Anyway, hand me the grease gun — as long as I’m under here I may as well make myself useful.'” –Evan

“Coach Fazio forfeited his entire season when his players got caught drinking. I went over to personally rub it in his face. How can I let my players stay on the team without looking like a bigger jack-off?” –AmazingThor

“On the other hand this might be the beginning of a theme where Rusty becomes increasingly mangled and deformed. In several years he’ll end up as a torso and most of a head that lives in a 5 gallon bucket.” –Birthmark Hal

“Wilbur just set up his account that same day, right? Was this kid sitting around searching every social networking site for ‘Wilbur Weston’ every day until he finally found a result? Because … honestly, that sounds like something Wilbur’s progeny would do. Maybe it’s not a scam after all!” –JC Lisbon

“I know it’s just a side effect of having to make Sunday strips nonessential. but it’s fun to imagine that Wilbur has been saying ‘Woah!’ and touching parts of his face over and over for fifteen minutes.” –BananaSam

Big thanks to everyone who put cash in my tip jar! And we must of course give thanks to our advertisers:

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Mary Worth, 12/7/09

Believe you me, I plan to follow the Exciting Tale Of Wilbur’s Bastard Son very closely, at least right up until the point when against all odds it manages to become boring (which, this being Mary Worth, could happen at literally any moment). Today’s hilarity comes thanks to Wilbur’s complete and utter lack of filter. I think that most single fathers, if confronted with the possibility that their youthful man-sluttery had living, breathing, school-tuition-requiring consequences, might attempt to compose themselves a bit and have a coherent narrative ready before breaking the news to their college age daughter. They might even try to figure out if the story is true first! But not Wilbur. “Aw, jeez, I think I knocked some broad up, back in the ’80s!” he yelps, no doubt to Dawn’s horror and disgust, as he compulsively rubs his clammy head-skin for comfort.

Mark Trail, 12/7/09

What an awesome time it is for soap opera strips, when poor Rusty pinned under Mark’s four thousand pound station wagon only merits second place in our thoughts! With man’s toolmaking skills down for the count, Mark will be forced to use the lessons he’s learned from nature. “Rusty, you’ll need to make like a trapped fox and chew off your own foot! Quickly, before the pelicans mistake you for a dying fish and attack!”

Gil Thorp, 12/7/09

Meanwhile, Coach Thorp is on the horns of a dilemma! It seems that he’s under pressure to kick notorious public drunkard Duncan Daley off of his team. But Duncan needs the structure and routine of playing football! It’s all that’s holding him together! *cough* Also he’s Milford’s best player *cough* I particularly enjoy today’s panel two, which appears to be footage from the hidden ceiling-mounted camera Gil used to capture Coach Fazio’s moment of humiliation for repeat viewing later.

How can Coach Thorp avoid such a fate? Well, we might start by not calling Prisoner Daley a hypocrite. I mean, are we terribly shocked that the sort of guy who would commit a jail-worthy offense might also be the sort of guy who would instigate a prison fight? I think Gil needs to take the “fighting a bad influence” approach. “Duncan’s brother told Duncan to stay out of trouble. Duncan’s brother is a convicted felon! Do you expect him to take the advice of a jailbird? He had to drink that beer!”

Hi and Lois, 12/7/09

Speaking of drunken teenagers, Chip appears to be in some kind of substance-induced coma! Obviously Lois’s main concern is to get him somewhere out of sight.

Luann, 12/7/09

Each of Luann’s suitors has to have some unspeakably perverted fetish, and now we know Quill’s: elf porn!

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Mary Worth, 12/6/09

Every once in a while an installment of one of the soap strips comes along that in my mind wholly justifies the lavish attention I expend upon them. Just the throwaway panel dialogue here would be enough to make this strip an instant classic; “Now on to explore new worlds … in online social networking!” should be the mission statement of some terribly misguided Web consultancy that shows businesses how to set up Twitter accounts that they don’t need. And yet this is just the opening gambit. We feel that we are right there with Wilbur as he makes his perilous roller-coaster ride of Facebook insanity. First, he clenches his stubby fingers into unaccustomed shapes as he prepares for a vigorous social-networking session. Then, upon receiving this mysterious missive, he’s so in awe of it that he reaches his fingertips half-consciously towards the screen, as if he could feel the human connections being created by intangible electrons. Next, he becomes pensive, then slips into anxiety as he contemplates the implication of this anonymous message. (“Someone” warned you about these social networks, Wilbur? I think we all know who among your acquaintances spreads fear about all things newfangled and enjoyable. It’s OK, you can name her, in the safety of your thought balloons!) Then his face brightens a little. Maybe something interesting will be crawling out of the woodwork!

But in the final panel, we tumble headlong into madness. The existence of Dawn has forced us all to acknowledge, at least to ourselves, that Wilbur has had sex at least once. But now we are confronted with the possibility of Wilbur’s wild, swinging past, and while it may enrage and disgust us, I for one plan to get over my initial hesitation and embrace the lunacy. I dearly hope we are treated to flashbacks to Wilbur’s unprotected sexcapades, possibly involving him wearing a leisure suit and having as many as a dozen hairs to comb over his bald spot.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 12/6/09

Well, now that Becka’s runaway oldster adventure has ended incredibly awkwardly, it looks like it’s time for Rex and June to reclaim their comic strip! It appears that their house has been trashed by squatters, which makes sense as they’ve been away for, what, a year and a half now? It would be fun drama if Rex’s beloved ward Nikki were responsible, having turned Chez Morgan into a party pad for his low-life friends (or, worse, his low-life mother), but it’s also possible that Abbey, having been left alone with no one delegated to take her on walks, was the culprit.

This strip offers further confirmation that all cab drivers in Rex Morgan, M.D., are required to wear ludicrously exaggerated ethnic headgear.

Family Circus, 12/6/09

There might be something among this world’s possibilities more horrifying than three smirking Keane Kids thrusting their no doubt filthy feet at you expectantly, but I’d be hard pressed to name it.