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Six Chix, 11/11/09

I suppose the joke of this strip is that our MC is admonishing not the audience but the actors on the necessity of turning of their cell phones, because HAW HAW THE KIDS TODAY AND THE CELL PHONES, amiright? But I’m frankly much more interested in the historic and dramaturgical significance of the largish cane being brandished by pilgrim #1 on the far left. Will he be swinging it about over the course of the show’s dance numbers, including “(The Church Ought To Be Organized On A) Congregationalist Model,” “My Goodness But I Am Very Hungry,” and “A Buckle On My Hat — What’s That About?” Or is it a vaudeville-style hook, to be used to drag off the lady pilgrim (for displaying the Sin of Pride by wearing whorish non-black-and-white clothes) or the Native American (for using all the good land)?

Apartment 3-G, 11/11/09

This is why you shouldn’t hire an aspiring Hollywood screenwriter as your PI, as he’s always trying to force the messiness of real life into his preconceptions of narrative entertainment. “Just think about it, Bobbie: what aging man doesn’t at some level yearn to recapture his lost youth via a tryst with a younger woman? And what wife doesn’t secretly worry that she won’t keep her husband’s attention as she gets older? The older, sophisticated audience we’re reaching for here will all be able to relate. And, I mean, check out the framing on these pics — see how the streetlamp serves as a spotlight on the secret lovers, isolating them in an island of illumination against a sea of darkness, symbolizing the way the whole world fades away when they’re together? It’s box office gold, baby! And once I figure out what the emotionally devastating denouement is going to be, I can guarantee that it’ll be Oscar time.” Instead, you should seek out experimental filmmakers in the tradition of Andrei Tarkovsky or Bela Tarr, who aren’t afraid to point their camera at the subject of investigation and just film his everyday activities for hours at a time.

Crock, 11/11/09

I was going to complain that Grossie’s comeback made little to no sense, but then I remembered that in the ever-shifting poorly drawn hell-world of Crock, one cannot count on one’s facial features or body parts remaining symmetrical, so it’s fully possible that “Sexy” Crock Lady Character Whose Name I Forget might from time to time have legs of wildly varying lengths or widths. But this is a universe where kneeless leg-stumps might be considered someone’s “best feature,” so I’m not sure if the punchline here is really an insult per se.

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Spider-Man, 11/10/09

“I dunno, I guess I thought … he put people to sleep? You know, like the mythical figure you tell your kids about? ‘Mr. Sandman, Bring Me A Dream,’ and all that? But this is just a man … who turns into sand … and who calls himself ‘the Sandman.’ I mean … huh. It’s kind of a little too on the nose, isn’t it?”

Judge Parker, 11/10/09

So, wait, Frank D’Vito’s widow is a leggy, amoral blonde who lounges about her mansion wearing a dress so short and tight that she would find it literally impossible to sit down? I for one am totally shocked to see such a development in Judge Parker.

Mary Worth, 11/10/09

“Oh my God, he has … rightlegitis! And Scott’s father’s right leg was so shapely, too! Damn you, you smack-dealing bastards! Damn you straight to hell!”

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 11/10/09

“BUT I FIGGER YORE EYESIGHT MUST BE PRETTY KEEN, T’ COMPENSATE FOR YOUR BAD HEARING! YOU CAN HEAR ME IF’N I SHOUT LIKE THIS, RIGHT?”

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Your comments of the week shortly, but first I must point out a very important update on Luann: The Musical! When last we checked in, it was still at the staged reading point in its evolution, but sometime in the last 21 months it has been unleashed upon hapless high school drama departments everywhere! If you want to hear the songs and see photos from actual productions of this thing, by all means check out the site. Thanks to faithful reader Jake Morgendorffer for the tip!

And now, that promised comment of the week!

“I never would have guess that Gil Thorp having a prison scene in which a prisoner yells out, ‘Drill him Daley’ would be less obscene than Zits mocking Love Is and yet there it is.” –Rob

And the runners up! Very funny!

“Adrian, I’ve met someone else. Her name is Sister Morphine. She turns my nightmares into dreams, and I love her. Now can you call that Doctor What’s-His-Name, the one without a face? I’m having trouble peeing.” –Morten Jonsson

“So Jamaal is an ex basketball player. Who knew? Someone should tell Bentley that basketball players are usually tall because they have long legs and torsos, not long heads.” –Saluki

“Once again, we beg to disagree. Miss Thompson has plenty of dignity. More dignity in fact, than is good for her. What she doesn’t have is fun. Spontaneity. Imagination. Creativity. If Miss Thompson were any more dignified she would be eighty years old.” –Fashion Police

“Dignity is akin to virginity: once you’ve lost it, you can’t get it back. Remember this, Tommie, and well. At least you’ve still got the one.” –Dingo

“She is her father’s daughter after all. In the sense that she’s committed herself romantically to what essentially amounts to a corpse.” –Violet

“‘Without regret’? Excuse me, but isn’t this the same Adrian who can’t stop talking about/obsessing over her last boyfriend, the con artist, even as she sits vigil at the potential deathbed of her current boyfriend? And then, of course, there’s the whole ‘Can I think about this proposal a little longer, as you go off to risk your life? I’ll tell you afterward’ scheme, which didn’t work out so great. Regret is Adrian’s primary emotion. And with good reason.” –Mollie

“I want to have a dog that perpetually has this facial expression. I could call him ‘ennui.'” –DamienBixlan

“‘And it’s also lunchtime at a certain minimum-security prison!’ is something I’m now going to blurt whenever it’s lunchtime. Or any other time, for that matter, ’cause somewhere in the world, it’s lunchtime in prison, certainly.” –Kibo

“I wouldn’t want to be the janitor at ‘McGooey’s’.” –troy macgregor

“I assume that through their use of monochrome and extreme angles, the artists for Gil Thorp are trying to tap into the same feel as 1940s noir films. Unfortunately for them, Jimmy Stewart never had a hand protruding from somewhere near his waist, nor did Sidney Greenstreet and Peter Lorre high-five douchily after misleading Humphrey Bogart.” –Deathbysalmon

“You can tell that the prison in Gil Thorp is minimum security because it has a well-polished black onyx floor. Fancy!” –Patrick

“That looks far less like a high-five and more like highschool kid number 2 looking on as someone feverishly prays, perhaps for anatomy that makes sense.” –It’s time to pay the price

“So that high five in Gil Thorp isn’t douchy so much as it is just terribly pathetic. I mean, is there anything more sad than getting a high five for lying after not going to a volleyball game? When I was in high school you got high fives for lying after not getting laid.” –GG

“Whew, Adrian survived the first trial of their relationship: 10 hours of unconsciousness. Will her love now withstand the bedpan?” –Ichi

“God, Tommie is devastating hot in panel two there. There’s a cynical, androgynous beauty there that I Dressed in the Dark is sure to snuff out rather than embrace. All she needs to become my ideal woman is to start smoking, get into chicks (again?) and develop a personality.” –notapipe

“Does anyone else find it hilarious for someone to say ‘Hey! Watch out!’ during a prison riot? Is there really a guy in prison who worries about the safety protocols of these moments?” –the coatrack

“‘I was just showing her where the bathroom is.’ Apparently Toni got sick the first time she saw Brad naked. Can’t say I blame her.” –cheech wizard

“I’m confused. Is Crankshaft rattling off a list of location-specific weather phenomena, or the colloquial titles of perverse sex acts? He may well be ready for the Saskatchewan Snowjob, but you can’t ever truly prepare yourself for a Winnipeg Windjammer.” –Caroline

“Adrian goes down the path of any engaged woman. ‘This line seems LOOKATMYRING fine.'” –Dragon of Life

“‘Where there is great love, there are always miracles.’ Aldo Kelrast believed in that quote at one time, but fat lot of good it did him.” –Red Greenback

“Just frozen dinners and beer. Surely this strip is taking a hard look at the need for nutritional awareness among returning POWs who have been cuckolded by comic-book-hawkers.” –gleeb

“Alcoholism! Of all the sadness in FW, I think I love it best.” –Sallie Melcher

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